this year in stupid: 2024 edition
a look back at the dumbest shit that happened
as another stupid year comes to a close in America, let’s look back at some of the lowlights.
[from this week in stupid: January 20 edition]
January: what’s Slovenian for “fock off”?
oh look, Little Donny Fuckface actually made it to his mother-in-law’s funeral. so what was that whole business where he spent days whining about how having to be at the Yeah, You Definitely Fucking Raped Her trial was forcing him to miss it?
we’re glad he showed up, because we all got treated to the spectacle of Melania — the green-card trophy wife who married Donny for his money, recoils at his touch, never smiles in his presence, refuses to share his bedroom and fully expected she’d be a widow by now — ditching her dipshit husband and making him ride in a separate car.
Donny followed Melania to her waiting limo and she shut that shit right down. oh to have been a fly on that wall.
Melania —
fock off, Donald.
Melania, I —
fock off.
Mela—
no. fock off. you take own car.
Melania hates Trump’s guts every bit as much as we do, and we are all so fucking here for it.
[from this week in stupid: February 10 edition]
February: elderly man with poor memory is also delusional as fuck
did you know that criming doughball Donald John Diaperload truly believes he resembles Elvis Presley? seriously, he’s been yammering about it since at least 2018.
on Sunday, the narcissistic fuck took to his crappy app to post this fever dream:
“for so many years people have been saying that Elvis and I look alike. now this pic has been going all over the place. what do you think?”
that was all the internet needed to do what it does best.
and my own personal favorite:
[from this week in stupid: March 30 edition]
March: area podcaster seeks area
hey, we found yet another ancient white male fuckface melting into his own puddle of sad.
Rudy Colludy is, of course, in the middle of having his all his shit liquidated in order to pay off the millions of dollars he owes Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss for destroying their lives.
the Rudester’s been in front of a bankruptcy court judge these days, begging to be allowed to keep his Florida condo because — wait for it — he needs a place to do his podcast.
Rudy Giuliani begs bankruptcy court to let him keep his Florida condo so he can keep podcasting to pay creditors
fuck off, Rudy. you can do your podcast from your new home in that cardboard box under a highway bridge abutment.
[from this week in stupid: April 20 edition]
April: odor in the court
it looks like we’re going to need a very different kind of gag order.
Ben Meiselas: “I’m hearing from credible sources who know what’s going on in the courtroom, and what I’m hearing is that — take it for what it’s worth — Donald Trump is actually farting in the courtroom, and that it’s very stinky around him. it’s a putrid odor in the courtroom, and that Trump’s lawyers are repulsed by the scent and the smell … I’m hearing from actual credible people that as he’s falling asleep, he is actually passing gas, and that his lawyers are struggling with the smell.”
#DonFartleone trended on not-twitter all day — and the internet meme squad did what it does best.
[from this week in stupid: May 4 edition]
May: the rise and fall of the Turd Reich
what in the name of clownfuckery is this?
or this?
or this?
MAGA, can we talk?
if your slavish devotion to an 88-count felony factory who shits his own pants has reached the level where you’re wearing adult diapers outside of your clothes, in public, guess what: you’re in a fucking cult.
get help.
[from this week in stupid: June 15 edition]
June: area toady tweets from inside Trump’s butthole
check out the birthday greeting that obsequious lickspittle Lindsey Graham sent to Dear Leader.
“Happy Birthday to President @realDonaldTrump! Your golf game has never been stronger, and America needs you now more than ever. Your best present will come in November when the American people elect you as our next President and Commander in Chief.”
excuse me while I projectile vomit.
“your golf game has never been stronger.” oh my god, the kompromat that Donald Trump has on Lindsey Graham must really be something. I don’t even want to think about it.
now let’s check in on the birthday boy and see how he spent his big day.
oh how nice for Donny! his Slovenian trophy wife took him to his favorite restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese, where big, strong servers — their eyes pooling with tears of gratitude — said sir! sir! no one’s ever seen a birthday like this. tell us again about the sharks and the batteries.
just kidding! Melania hates her philandering husband’s guts, and she avoided the rotting old fuckbag’s birthday like the plague. Melly was nowhere to be seen, and she was the only member of Donny’s immediate family to pointedly not wish him a happy birthday.
so sad.
[from this week in stupid: July 27 edition]
July: it’s a hole in none!
convicted felon Sharky McBatterypants loves to brag about how he knows more about golfing than all the golfers. to prove it, he points to the 22 championships he’s won at his golf motels — or, more accurately, the 22 championships he claims to have won.
we have no proof of any of this, because the guy who loves nothing more than be on camera has somehow never been filmed winning any of these alleged championships.
on Tuesday, Sharky played a round with pro golfer Bryson DeChambeau — and this time, someone brought along a camera. let’s take a look.
that’s weird. Sharky missed his first putt. and his second. and his third. in fact, in this minute-long supercut, Sharky doesn’t sink a single ball.
hey everyone, it looks like the guy who guy who lied about bone spurs and lied about hush money and lied about his wealth and lied about a hurricane and lied about covid and lied about his taxes and lied about the election has been lying about being any fucking good at golf.
how did we nazi this coming?
[from this week in stupid: August 10 edition]
August: just a couple of lunatics, sitting around and talking
check out this fucktangle of insanity featuring Roseanne Barr, her son Jake Pentland, and the Space Laser Lady.
Roseanne: “well, they love the baby blood, you know. they love bathing in that and drinking it, too.”
Sporky: “I’ve heard. [to Jake] I like your mom, we’re gonna—”
Jake: “I love it. I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”
Roseanne: “well you know what? now they’re gonna sell— you know, they already proved they’re selling the aborted fetuses, the aborted fetus parts to Bill Gates to put in his meat. you know that’s true.”
Sporky: “the fake meat or the real meat?”
Roseanna: “the fetus meat. fetus burgers. come on, when they put in their protein, we’re eating humans. they got us all being cannibals.”
Sporky: “I’m not, because I would never buy his fake meat.”
Roseanne: “no, but they’ve already got it in, McDonalds is selling fetus burgers.”
Sporky: “what?”
Roseanne: “yeah, they got it in everything.”
Sporky: “man, I got to get back on QAnon. I am missing out on some good stuff.”
I don’t even know what to say.
[from this week in stupid: September 14 edition]
September: don’t congratulate
once you’ve dishonored war heroes by grinning like an idiot while trampling their graves during a thumbs-up photo-op at Arlington National Cemetery, what do you do for an encore?
apparently, this: Wednesday was the 23rd anniversary of 9/11, and if there’s one thing that Little Donny Shitbag knows, it’s how make a solemn occasion all about himself.
here he is, at the Flight 93 National Memorial at Shanksville, PA, inappropriately clapping and fist-pumping like the demented old malignant narcissist he is.
of course, Donny has a long history of being a complete fucking disgrace in Shanksville. this was how he comported himself with dignity on 9/11 back in 2018, when he was president.
by the way, here’s how you can tell this is an old photo: Melania’s in it.
[from this week in stupid: October 5 edition]
October: life’s a drag
Hung Cao is the Republican candidate for Senate from Virginia. there are three things you need to know about Cao.
first, overgrown toddler Donny Convict thinks the name “Hung Cao” is super fucking hilarious.
second, Cao has vowed to make Virginia a witch-free zone.
and third, like so many Republicans, Wytchfinder Cao is unafraid to say the stupidest shit.
“when you’re using a drag queen to recruit for the Navy, that’s not the people we want. what we need is alpha males and alpha females who are going to rip out their own guts, eat them and ask for seconds.”
can I have some of what Hung Cao is smoking? I’m pretty sure that during psych evaluations, the armed forced screens out any deviant who wants to self-cannibalize their own innards.
more to Cao’s point, there actually is a Naval officer who has a side gig doing drag.
Joshua Kelley, a 2nd class petty officer who also performs as the drag queen “Harpy Daniels,” served as one of five ambassadors in the Navy’s Digital Ambassador Pilot Program from the fall until March.
let me relate to you a fun story about the relative toughness of drag performers: in March 2023, a bunch of Proud Boys decided it would be a piece of cake to invade a Drag Queen Story Hour in New York City and fuck those girly-men right up.
they ended up getting the shit beat out of them by men wearing dresses.
“I came here to help, not get the shit beat out of me.”
oh yeah? well, welcome to New York, fuckface. not so proud now, are you.
[from this week in stupid: November 16 edition]
November: hey google, where can I get a new brain?
we really do live in the dumbest country, in the stupidest possible timeline.
According to the data, queries about "how to change my vote" spiked on the morning of Election Day on November 5 at 7 a.m, reaching 100, before gradually declining throughout the day. By November 6, significantly fewer people were inquiring about switching their choice, but searches increased again on November 7.
not knowing that you can’t change your vote after you cast it, that’s profoundly dumb.
but Christ on a cupcake — people were still googling this a week after the election. that’s clownfuckingly barrel-bottom stupid.
hey, you’ll never guess what other thing people were googling the shit out of in the days following the election.
Search results for ‘did Joe Biden drop out’ also peaked several times during election week.
holy shit, talk about low-information voters. how do you not know this?
imagine walking into a voting booth and being totally blindsided by the fact that Joe Biden isn’t on the ballot.
what else are these people surprised by, as they go about their daily business?
honey? I just turned the kitchen faucet, and now there’s water coming out of it. what’s up with that?
[from this week in stupid: December 7 edition]
December: have dominion over this, white supremacist weirdo
it’s been a minute, so let’s check in on America’s Dumbest Marriage Counselor, Nick Fuentes.
“your wife is not your big sister, she’s your fucking wife. she is your dominion, ok? you own her. and she is subject to you.”
yeah, whatever you say, tough guy.
there are three things you need to know about Big Dominion Nick:
first: he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. Nick has never had a wife, or a girlfriend. he’s never even been with a woman. he’s a proud, self-proclaimed incel, who apparently believes — and this is an exact quote — “having sex with women is gay.”
second, Nick is the shitstain who originated the post-election “your body, my choice” taunt.
third, he’s a fucking Nazi.
pro tip: don’t take relationship advice from misogynistic Nazi incels.
UPDATE: hi — it’s me, Future Jeff, dropping in to let you know that two days after posting this video, Nazi McIncel got the shit arrested out of him for ahem allegedly macing a woman who knocked on his door.
now, let’s go live to the women of America, for their reaction to Nick’s arrest.
have a non-stupid New Year’s Eve, everyone!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
in going over a year's worth of 'this week in stupids' to compile this, I was surprised by how many entries aged poorly. during Donny's trials, I kept gloating over how he was going to prison, and I mocked so many lousy candidates running lousy campaigns who ended up winning. ugh
happy new year's eve, everyone! Ms Spouse and I will be spending a quiet one at home, and I've long given up trying to stay awake til midnight