this week in stupid: December 7 edition

Donny mounts it, Chip Roy discounts it, and so much more...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

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monday: weather or not

Ileana Garcia is a Republican State Senator from Florida. the words “Republican” and “Florida” in that previous sentence should be your first clue that Ileana Garcia is just about twice as dumb as your average elected official.

here’s your second clue.

In a strange move, a Florida Republican lawmaker has introduced a bill that seeks to ban the government from “controlling” the weather and sunlight. Yes, this is real.

you read that right — Florida Woman Garcia is seeking to prohibit the government from using “chemicals, compounds, or other substances” to create hurricanes, tornadoes and other natural disasters, because Senator Ileana is one of the growing number of nitwit conservatives who actually believes that government is already pulling this shit.

look, I can’t stress this enough: the government does not control the weather.

do I have to spell it out for you? it’s us, the Jews.

we have all the space lasers — and you can’t stop us. we have God on our side — and not your namby-pamby let’s love each other New Testament God. nope, we’re dealing with the real deal — the Old Testament God. the one who will smite the shit out of an entire continent, just for looking at him funny. or maybe the Big Guy just woke up in a bad mood. doesn’t matter — boom, you’re smote.

don’t fuck with us.

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tuesday: because it’s there

here’s a perfectly normal and not at all batshit insane thing the president-elect of the United States posted to his failing app.

as with All Things Donny, this image is a steaming bowl of what the fuck.

Team Donny whipped up this AI-generated pic, and Donny posted it after Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau went down to Motel-a-Lago — a visit during which Donny “joked” that Canada should become the 51st state.

so, what is this image saying? that Donny has conquered Canada? if so, shouldn’t that be an American flag? or is Donny now King of Canada, too?

more importantly, where is Donny standing? because I’m pretty sure that there’s no summit in Canada — or in the States — that overlooks the Matterhorn, which is in the Swiss Fucking Alps.

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wednesday: have dominion over this, white supremacist weirdo

it’s been a minute, so let’s check in on America’s Dumbest Marriage Counselor, Nick Fuentes.

“your wife is not your big sister, she’s your fucking wife. she is your dominion, ok? you own her. and she is subject to you.”

yeah, whatever you say, tough guy.

there are three things you need to know about Big Dominion Nick:

first: he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. Nick has never had a wife, or a girlfriend. he’s never even been with a woman. he’s a proud, self-proclaimed incel, who apparently believes — and this is an exact quote — “having sex with women is gay.”

second, Nick is the shitstain who originated the post-election “your body, my choice” taunt.

third, he’s a fucking Nazi.

pro tip: don’t take relationship advice from misogynistic Nazi incels.

UPDATE: hi — it’s me, Future Jeff, dropping in to let you know that two days after posting this video, Nazi McIncel got the shit arrested out of him for ahem allegedly macing a woman who knocked on his door.

now, let’s go live to America’s women, for their reaction to Nick’s arrest.

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thursday: defund this fucking idiot

there’s a reason I call the Space Nazi’s playpen The Department Of Breaking Shit You Don’t Understand. it’s because he literally doesn’t understand how the fuck our government works — and he proves his barrel-bottom ignorance every single day.

exhibit A: this gem.

wanting to abolish an organization that defends free speech is on-brand for the Space Nazi, a thin-skinned man-baby who throws a technicolor shit-fit every time someone says something mean about him — but defund the ACLU? how? by cutting off government funding?

go for it, bro.

because here’s something the Space Nazi is too ignorant to know: the ACLU is not affiliated with the governmnt, and gets zero dollars from the it.

as I have said numerous times, solving all the world’s problems is a piece of cake when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.

here’s another post from The Guy Who No One Elected President, Yet Here He Inexplicably Is.

hey, you know what “non-governmental organization” is “government-funded”?

SpaceX, which holds billions of dollars in government contracts. also Tesla, which wouldn’t even fucking exist if it weren’t for the hundreds of millions of dollars in government subsidies that the Space Nazi accepts every single year.

but please, Space Nazi, do tell me more about how your own businesses are an “illegal arm of the government.” it sounds like a fascinating story.

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friday: a Chip off the old blockhead

Donny’s embattled nom for SecDef, the toxic dumpster fire Pete Hegseth, needs all the friends he can get right now. so naturally, Texas Republican Chip Roy — the man who puts the dumb in Freedumb Caucus — has been only too happy to come to Pete’s aid.

“look we’ve all had some indiscretions in our past. every human has.”

oh god, no. fuck no.

let’s have another look at what Piss-Drunk Pete has been ahem allegedly accused of.

According to the report, the woman, whose name was withheld, told the police that she ended up in Mr. Hegseth’s hotel room after he spoke at the conference in October 2017 hosted by the California Federation of Republican Women at the Hyatt Regency Monterey Hotel and Spa.

The woman, referred to throughout the report as Jane Doe, said Mr. Hegseth took her phone, blocked his hotel room door when she tried to leave, and sexually assaulted her, ejaculating on her stomach.

Christ on a crab cake, indiscretions don’t get too fucking much more indiscrete than that, do they— but here comes Congressman Chip, and he wants to handwave all that away as just a thing that happened. no biggie, right? who among us hasn’t been up to those kind of madcap hijinks at one point or another?

ugh, Republicans. they fucking suck.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

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do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.