this week in stupid: January 20 edition

Dick Morris ignores it, Melania abhors it, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

sunday: make America batshit insane again

the jig is up, Democrats. QAnon Karen here isn’t fooled by any of your stupid bullshit — and she is unafraid to blow the whistle as to exactly what’s been going on.

“Joe Biden has been dead since 2019. James Woods the actor is playing Joe Biden — Sleepy Joe Poopy Pants — but the president is trying to get us back down with our economy, because —”

so Trump is the president?

“yes, he never conceded. he is very much the president of the republic. Biden has been doing all his White House pictures out there in California at Black Rock studio with the fake green screen. he doesn’t even live in the White House.”

holy shit, there’s a fuck of a lot to unpack here. but I have just one question:

— if Joe Biden is dead and Donald Trump is still president, what the fuck exactly is your complaint?

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monday: make America hate again

ever since Martin Luther King Day became a thing, Republicans who are rabidly racist every other day of the year have had to pretend to pay their respects to MLK.

for over a decade, we’ve had to endure utter fascist shitwaffles like Glitch McConnell putting a one-day hold on their racisting to proclaim that they, too, share Dr. King’s dream — and then going right back to gerrymandering every black voter in their state into one district.

but now, all that’s in the past. Agolf Shitler has given them permission to be bigoted as fuck 365 days a year.

here’s Charlie Kirk, Professor of Ethnic Studies at Trump University, letting his racist flag fly on King’s 95th birthday.

“MLK is a bad guy. it’s true.”

imagine living in a world where fighting for racial and economic justice makes you the bad guy, and dweebish little fuckstick hate-monger Charlie Kirk is the good guy.

I’ll pass.

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tuesday: you’ll never unsee this

hey, it’s former Clinton strategist Dick Morris! how’s it going, Dick?
um, fine.
so, you’re working with Newsmax now.
yes, that’s right, in fact I’m in the middle of an interview right n—
whoa, who the fuck is that?
who is who?
that guy, who’s that guy?
what guy? there is no guy.
Dick, some burly dude in his fucking underwear just opened the door and walked past you.
no he didn’t.
bro, we all saw it.
no. never happened.
dude, the whole internet is on fire right now about your mysterious friend.
never happened.
whatever you say, Dick.

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wednesday: three toes, two genders, zero brain cells

having to endure life in Joe Biden’s dystopian hellscape is making Marjorie Sporkfoot Greene nostalgic for a more halcyon era.

“under President Trump, there were only two genders. remember that?”

ah yes, those golden Trump years, that paradise on earth where men were men and women were women, and finally, at long last, you could say “merry christmas” again.

funny, that’s not how I remember the Trump years.

what I remember are bodies stacked outside of morgues and buried in mass graves — and not being able to buy any fucking toilet paper — because Donny spent months golfing while a deadly virus rampaged across the land.

but sure, Sporky, feed us on a steady diet of your ugly hateful transphobism. it’s easier than actually doing something to make any voter’s life better, isn’t it.

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thursday: welcome to smoothiegate

let’s say you’re a Fox News producer, and you need to fill some air time — so you take a look at what’s going on.

Donald Trump: 91 counts, four criminal trials, liable for rape, liable for business fraud, deranged, incoherent and promising to be a dictator.

Joe Biden: something something something smoothie.

gee, which story do you spend days obsessing over? well, if you’re a Fox News producer, it’s a no-brainer — because you literally have no brain, and neither do your viewers.

check out the crawl under this screen shot:

“KJP dodges question about Biden smoothie comments.”

what are you hiding, Sleepy Joe?

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friday: what’s slovenian for “fock off”?

oh look, Little Donny Fuckface actually made it to his mother-in-law’s funeral. so what was that whole business where he spent days whining about how having to be at the Yeah, You Definitely Fucking Raped Her trial was forcing him to miss it?

we’re glad he showed up, because we all got treated to the spectacle of Melania — the green-card trophy wife who married Donny for his money, recoils at his touch, never smiles in his presence, refuses to share his bedroom and fully expected she’d be a widow by now — ditching her dipshit husband and making him ride in a separate car.

Donny followed Melania to her waiting limo and she shut that shit right down. oh to have been a fly on that wall.

Melania —
fock off, Donald.
Melania, I —
fock off.
Mela—
no. fock off. you take own car.

Melania hates Trump’s guts every bit as much as we do, and we are all so fucking here for it.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.