this week in stupid: April 20 edition

Donny Shitstain lets ’em rip, Nosferatu won’t zip his lip, and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.

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monday: it’s never a crime when Dear Leader does it

Monday was the first day of Little Donny Fuckface’s Manhattan trial. let’s check in on MAGA and see how they’re coping.

“the man is a germophobe. you know where I’m going with this. if he had an affair — if — ok, services were paid for, services rendered, services paid for, right? so what are we talking about? lots of men use prostitutes.”

oh my god, where the fuck do we even start with this Trumpist dunderhead? the only thing this woman has right is that sex work should not be stigmatized — but the rest of it is a huge ball of ignorance and denial.

he’s a germophobe? so what? he didn’t have an affair with Stormy Daniels, it was a one-time thing. services weren’t paid for, it was shutting the fuck up that was paid for. and he’s not on trial for any of that shit.

you have to admire the rhetorical pretzels that Trump cultists will twist themselves into in order to convince themselves that what Dear Leader did isn’t a crime.

where is the line for these people? how far is too far?

“lots of men drown puppies.”
“lots of men set nursing homes on fire.”
“lots of men diddle children.”

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tuesday: Fox News remembers

the wingnutsphere is doing its damnedest to memory-hole an entire pandemic.

“it’s not like we have to go back into ancient history and remember when times were good. we could go on vacation, you know, working class Americans go on vacation four or five years ago.”

four years ago? really? four years ago we were all locked the fuck down. hardly anyone left the house, except for that once-a-week forage for toilet paper — and you were lucky to find any. exactly four years ago, Donald Trump was telling us to inject bleach and guzzle horse goo.

the only vacation anyone was going on was to the ventilator ward at the nearest hospital — and that was a vacation about a million people didn’t come home from.

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wednesday: what the well-dressed Nazi is wearing

concentration-camp aficionado and Nosferatu cosplayer Stephen Miller sure got worked up over The New York Times describing Joe Biden as “dapper.” check out this indignant rant.

“since we’re addressing the subject of style, the most stylish president and first lady in our lifetimes are Donald Trump and Melania Trump. Donald Trump is a style icon. he changed American fashion in The Apprentice. people spent the next 10 years trying to dress like Donald Trump.”

no. fuck no. in what alternate universe is a tarted-up rodeo clown with a piss-yellow badger pelt stapled to his forehead a “style icon”?

trust me, no sane person looks at this dilapidated old shitbag and thinks “I gotta bloat up more and get me some of them shapeless duds.”

ok, maybe it’s unfair of us to mock Donny in his golf getup. how about Trump in formal wear? everyone looks great in a tux, right?

oh dear.

also, let us not forget that Stephen Miller once spray-painted his head prior to a TV appearance. this unpleasant Nazi fuck has no business commenting on fashion choices, ever.

holy shit, have you ever seen a person with deader eyes?

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thursday: who doesn’t love getting screwed by a faceless corporation

every time Joe Biden does something that benefits the American people — cap insulin at thirty-five bucks a month, for example, or forgive student debt — Republicans throw a shit fit.

last week, Joe Biden proposed to cap credit card fees at $8 — and the GOP was all no fucking way, José. on Thursday, they voted it down.

why would they do a thing like that? because, explains Kentucky Republican Andy Barr, people love the shit out of paying high fees.

“and by the way, the majority — the vast majority of Americans — agree that [high fees] are legitimate. they don’t think they’re junk.”

who are these Americans that Andy Barr is hearing from? the CEOs he runs into on the golf course? the lobbyists handing him briefcases full of cash?

Andy should ask the guy mowing his lawn if he likes paying through the nose for bullshit fees.

oh wait — that would mean talking to one of those people. never mind.

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friday: odor in the court

it looks like we’re going to need a very different kind of gag order.

Ben Meiselas: “I’m hearing from credible sources who know what’s going on in the courtroom, and what I’m hearing is that — take it for what it’s worth — Donald Trump is actually farting in the courtroom, and that it’s very stinky around him. it’s a putrid odor in the courtroom, and that Trump’s lawyers are repulsed by the scent and the smell … I’m hearing from actual credible people that as he’s falling asleep, he is actually passing gas, and that his lawyers are struggling with the smell.”

#DonFartleone trended on not-twitter all day — and the internet meme squad did what it does best.

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saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.