this week in stupid: October 5 edition
JD gets chiseled, Marge gets fizzled, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: meet the man of Mike’s dreams
ahead of the Walz/Vance debate, Georgia Congressman Mike Collins tweeted out this super-creepy bit of Couchfuck McGee fan art.
of course, JD Vance looks nothing like that. Congressman Mike has used AI filters to take JD’s doughy visage and chisel the fuck out of his nose, chin and cheekbones.
you might think it weird for a grown man to devote that much time to creating an idealized image of another grown man, and then post it to social media — but who are we to judge? all I’m going to say is that Mike Collins might be revealing more about his subconscious desires than he realizes.
happily, in response, the internet did what it does best — mock the shit out of the whole episode.
tuesday: makin’ an ass of himself
one thing Republicans can boast about is having a deep bench of has-been and never-were celebrities. Dean Cain, Kevin Sorbo, Jon Voight, James Woods and the like, have all transitioned from being working actors on your television to being wingnut cranks on the internet.
to that list we can add Rob Schneider, the super-versatile comedian known for beloved characters such as the Makin’ Copies Guy on Saturday Night Live, and …. and … well, probably some other things, too, I’m sure.
here’s Rob’s touching tribute to basketball legend Dikembe Mutombo, who tragically passed at the age of 58.
“Rest in Peace… I’m sure this is just (another) coincidence. But I took a pass on the Jab and I’m gonna not let anyone I know (and who will Listen) get it either!”
fuck straight off, you ghoul. Dikembe Mutombo died of brain cancer. go peddle your anti-vax hallucinations elsewhere. no wonder your own daughter hates your guts, Rob.
King explained that she’s more or less estranged from Schneider. “I go four or five years without talking to my dad,” she said. She explained that as a child, she lived with her mother and stepfather in Ohio, and her contact with her dad tended to be limited to visiting him on movie sets during the summer, where she would “get lost in the shuffle.”
King also called out Schneider for recent anti-LGBTQ+ comments. “You’re talking out of your ass and you’re talking s**t about drag and, you know, anti-gay rights and it’s like, ‘Get f**ked,’” she said. “I want to use this opportunity to say that I disagree. I do not agree with what he says.”
unfortunately, there’s no vaccine to ward off being a ginormous piece of shit.
wednesday: life’s a drag
Hung Cao is the Republican candidate for Senate from Virginia. there are three things you need to know about Cao.
first, overgrown toddler Donny Convict thinks the name “Hung Cao” is super fucking hilarious.
second, Cao has vowed to make Virginia a witch-free zone.
and third, like so many Republicans, Wytchfinder Cao is unafraid to say the stupidest shit.
“when you’re using a drag queen to recruit for the Navy, that’s not the people we want. what we need is alpha males and alpha females who are going to rip out their own guts, eat them and ask for seconds.”
can I have some of what Hung Cao is smoking? I’m pretty sure that during psych evaluations, the armed forced screens out any deviant who wants to self-cannibalize their own innards.
more to Cao’s point, there actually is a Naval officer who has a side gig doing drag.
Joshua Kelley, a 2nd class petty officer who also performs as the drag queen “Harpy Daniels,” served as one of five ambassadors in the Navy’s Digital Ambassador Pilot Program from the fall until March.
let me relate to you a fun story about the relative toughness of drag performers: in March 2023, a bunch of Proud Boys decided it would be a piece of cake to invade a Drag Queen Story Hour in New York City and fuck those girly-men right up.
they ended up getting the shit beat out of them by men wearing dresses.
“I came here to help, not get the shit beat out of me.”
oh yeah? well, welcome to New York, fuckface. not so proud now, are you.
thursday: we control the vertical. we control the horizontal. also, apparently, the weather
Thursday morning, Marjorie Spork Toes Greene demonstrated her excellent photoshop skills:
“This is a map of hurricane affected areas with an overlay of electoral map by political party shows how hurricane devastation could affect the election.”
actually, it’s a map that shows nothing. it’s just one image pasted on top of another. there’s no legend, or other markings that would help us determine the point that Marge is trying to make.
fortunately for us, Sporky followed up her mystifying tweet with one that’s a lot more overt.
“Yes they can control the weather. It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.”
who is “they,” Marge? is it these honchos?
friday: yeah, no
Bruce Springsteen is the latest mega-star to endorse Kamala. so far, Donny hasn’t tweeted I HATE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, nor has any dipshit smashed a fake Springsteen guitar with a hammer — but Republican operative Scott Jennings did grace us with this opinion:
“couple things. A, i can’t think about anything I care about less than some moron celebrity, and B, we got Hulk Hogan, and that’s all that I need.”
to rebut Scott, I’m going to post two photos. the first is Bruce, hanging with some other dude who also recently endorsed Kamala.
and now, here’s a moron celebrity.
I rest my case.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
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Just reading about how the NYC drag queens knocked the snot out of the Proud Boyz has already made my day. Thanks, Jeff!
It’s like being an alpha male … if you have to TELL everybody you’re so tough that you’d rip your own guts out n’ eat em, you’re not really that tough. So kind of an unreliable recruitment tool.