Trump on the stand: a twenty-megaton shit-show for the ages

a five-alarm dumpster fire, from beginning to end

yesterday was the day we’d all been waiting for: it was Little Donny Fuckface’s turn to sit in the witness box at his Big Trump Family Fraud Fuckery Trial, and anyone hoping for a complete meltdown did not come away disappointed.

the rancid trash bag of personality defects that is Donald Trump burst open and every fetid pathology came spilling out — the vanity, the narcissism, the grandiosity, the belligerence, the delusions, the petty grudges and whiny grievances — the whole stinking mess.

from the get-go, Trump was out of control — moaning, sighing, yelling, blustering, attacking the judge and the prosecutors — sparking this exchange between Judge Engoron and Smirky Frat Lawyer Chris Kise:

“the former and future chief executive of the United States” — my god, how fucking obnoxious can one lawyer get?

put a big smelly sock in it, Chris — your client is going to be lucky if he isn’t spending 2025 rattling the bars of his prison cell.

now check out Trump’s I Was Too Busy Being President act when asked about his finances.

no, you silly dipshit — you weren’t president in 2021. that was the year you were selling classified documents to China and Russia from out of your golf motel shitter, remember?

Trump also spent a lot of time admitting to fraud:

Trump during his testimony reportedly conceded to the courtroom that he exaggerated the value of at least two properties in his statements of financial condition, per ABC’s Katherine Faulders and Peter Charalambous. Faulders tweeted out Wallace's question regarding Trump's acknowledgment: “Did you ever think that the values were off in your Statement of Financial Condition?” state attorney Kevin Wallace reportedly asked.

“Yes, on occasion. Both high and low,” Faulders noted Trump to have said. 

“Again, admitting to lies,” Moss wrote.

awesome job, Donny — you just confessed to knowing that your financial statements were bullshit. this is the very thing you’re on trial for, remember?

dumb-ass.

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here’s Trump, leaving the courtroom. let’s ask him how it went.

“how’s it going today?”

woah — Donald glared at the reporters and angrily stormed past them.

have you ever known Trump to walk past a camera without stopping to lie his fucking face off, or to blather on about how his shitty golf motel is worth eleventy skillon dollars?

he’s cracking under the strain. it’s glorious.

but do you know who did have a mouthful for the cameras? Little Ms Parking Garage herself, Alina Habba.

“but I was told to sit down today. I was yelled at and I've had a judge who is unhinged slamming a table. I don’t tolerate that in my life, I’m not going to tolerate it here.”

Alina, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. boo fucking hoo. this isn’t parking garage law, it’s the big leagues. if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the courtroom.

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the thing to remember is this: Little Donny Fuckface and his felonious hellspawn have already lost this case — this trial is to determine how much of Trump’s fraudulent held-together-with-spit-and-glue “empire” will have to be liquidated — and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that. all that’s left is to throw a tantrum and try to goad Judge Engoron into completely losing his shit and making a mistake.

Alan Dershowitz — of all people — explains why:

“When a defendant honestly believes he can’t possibly get a fair trial from the judge, one of the tactics is to antagonize the judge to a point of causing reversible errors,” Dershowitz says. “That is what happened in the Chicago 7 case, and I was one of the lawyers on the appeal in that case. Abbie Hoffman provoked Judge Hoffman to such a degree that the judge made mistake after mistake. And courts of appeal often reverse convictions or verdicts when the judge has made serious errors.”

don’t you hate it when Mr. It’s Not Assault If You Keep Your Underwear On makes sense?

also, it seems that Trump’s campaign people have been telling him that goading Engoron into sending him to jail would be a good thing.

In addition, there have been recent conversations among some of Trump’s 2024 campaign brass of how much of an immediate fundraising boost they would enjoy, if a New York judge were to try to put Trump in a cell for even a minute. “All the cash in the world,” one Trump political adviser says.

however, “angering Engoron” is a strategy that seems doomed to fail.

Later in the day, however, Engoron appeared to have adopted the approach of the prosecutor, who at one point waited until Trump finished a long tirade before asking: “Done?”

The prosecutor, Kevin Wallace, did a solid job of not engaging in excessive fighting with Trump but simply taking him through questions. It’s a wise tactic to use with a bombastic witness like Trump. Just let them talk.

That’s a tactic often used in grand jury investigations where prosecutors bring forward a witness and let them say whatever they want. This fully previews their testimony and locks them in from changing their story later. In Trump’s case, it also had the effect of likely shortening his testimony by simply letting him meander without giving him new issues to focus upon. Indeed, Trump’s entire testimony was done by 3:30 p.m., a surprisingly short session for the star witness.

let’s give the final word to Letitia James, because as always, Letty Jay is a boss.