sit the fuck down, nobody gives a fucking fuck if Joe Biden cusses like a sailor

brace yourself, because there’s going to be some swearing

get ready for the stupidest fucking nonsense you’re going to hear today.

and brace yourself, because there’s going to be some swearing.

because apparently, Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., the 46th President of the United States, has a bit of a potty mouth.

The president's admonitions include: "God dammit, how the fuck don't you know this?!," "Don't fucking bullshit me!" and "Get the fuck out of here!" — according to current and former Biden aides who have witnessed and been on the receiving end of such outbursts.

quite predictably, Republicans lost their fucking minds.

the most tiresome scolds on the planet wasted an entire day clutching their pearls and collapsing onto the fainting couch.

it was all too fucking much for them to bear. the President of the United States! using the f-word! my dainty ears! what will we tell the children?

area boy scout Ron DeSantis — the guy who gets his kicks from sitting in on Gitmo torture sessions — had a fucking hissy fit.

but also, weirdly enough, this happened:

wut?

it was all so fucking stupid.

so, welcome to the Republican Party’s latest lame-ass attempt at a Biden scandal. last week it was Biden using a CPAP machine to help him sleep. who knows what horrific disgrace will rear its ugly head next week.

I guess shitty bogus non-scandals are what you have to settle for when your famed whistleblower goes missing and is presumed dead.

no, wait — we finally found the whistleblower! we found the guy who is going to rip the whole fucking lid off the Biden Crime Family!

ok, not exactly. we didn’t find him. but we know who he is! aaaannnnd …

he’s been indicted for spying on America for the Chinese government. and the reason no one can find him is that he’s gone into hiding to keep from being arrested.

well done, Republicans. you got taken for a ride by a Chinese spy. you dumb fucking rubes.

or, as Joe Biden might say, “goddammit, how the fuck didn’t you know this?! don't fucking bullshit me! get the fuck out of here!”

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.