we need to talk about how fucking stupid he is

other countries are now lecturing us to get our shit together

Donny Convict is a bottomless well of mind-numbing stupidity.

he thinks magnets stop working if they get wet. he thinks exercise is bad for you. he thinks windmills give you noise cancer. he thinks there’s a ginormous fucking faucet in Canada that controls all of California’s water.

he doesn’t understand how tariffs work. he doesn’t understand how elections work, or how science works, or how pandemics work, or how honesty works, or how not cheating on your wife works.

he doesn’t understand how umbrellas work.

given all that, should we really be surprised that Preznit Fathead fails to understand how Nobel Prizes work?

reporter: “can you speak to your letter you wrote to the prime minster saying the Nobel Prize influenced your thinking on Greenland?”

Donny: “I don’t care about the Nobel Prize. first of all, a very fine woman felt that I deserved it and really wanted me to have the Nobel Prize, and I appreciate that. if anybody thinks that Norway doesn’t, uh, doesn’t control the Nobel Prize, they are just kidding. they have a board, but it’s controlled by Norway. I don’t care what Norway says.”

first of all, bull fucking shit that Donny ‘doesn’t care about the Nobel Prize.’ he never ever stops whining about it — not for one measly second.

“Norwegian PM Støre says Trump repeatedly raises—complains about, pleads for, and demands—the Nobel Peace Prize every time they meet. Støre gives same answer each time: decision is made independently by Norwegian Nobel Committee, with no role for Norwegian gov—a concept Trump appears unable to grasp.”

you have to feel sorry for Prime Minister Støre — he can never have a moment’s peace at a NATO meeting. he’s got to have one eye on the nearest exit, and the other eye scanning the room for Donny, because he knows that it’s only a matter of time before the annoying fuck corners him and starts bellyaching about the Nobel again.

he’s such a fucking embarrassment.

‘out of my way. where’s Jonas Støre?’

but it’s that second part of that clip — ‘if anybody thinks that Norway doesn’t, uh, doesn’t control the Nobel Prize, they are just kidding’ — where Donny really tells on himself.

he can’t imagine that the government of Norway doesn’t dictate who gets the Nobel, because that’s the way he’s trying to run America — as if he were the Meddlesome King of Everything.

he’s already up in everybody’s shit, twenty-four seven. he’s a tin-plated busybody. there’s nothing he doesn’t have some ignorant loud-mouthed opinion about, or doesn’t try to influence in some way.

he can’t imagine that the leader of a country would allow any organization to remain independent. and he’s such a paranoid piss-baby that he always assumes everything is rigged against him — including the Nobel Peace Prize.

wah wah wah, Norway hates me. so unfair!

Donny, would you please just shut the fuck up for five minutes. we’re sorry that your cold and distant parents didn’t love you. stop taking it out on the rest of us.

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Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants was up late again last night, shitting a blizzard of posts onto his crappy app.

dear lord, he’s such a fucking child.

oh look, Donny even posted a screen shot of a private text message from France’s President Macron.

why would Donny do this? because he’s a blabbermouth.

and because his brain is cooked. he was never one for making rational decisions, but now Donny’s gone off the deep end.

not that he was ever trustworthy to begin with, but this seals it. if I were a world leader, there is no way on Earth I would ever share information with Donny, else it end up splattered all over his janky app.

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you’ve heard about Donny’s ‘Board of Peace,’ right?

to catch you up, it’s basically Donny’s hare-brained scheme to run his own dime-store version of the United Nations — but really, it’s a scam on the level of Trump University.

Heather Cox Richardson, please explain to the nice people exactly how crazypants this idea is.

A draft charter for that institution gives Trump the presidency, the right to choose his successor, veto power over any actions, and control of the $1 billion fee permanent members are required to pay. In a letter to prospective members, Trump boasted that the Board of Peace is “the most impressive and consequential Board ever assembled,” and that “there has never been anything like it!”

again with the cheesy carnival barking. ‘there has never been anything like it.’ yeah, right. a Peace Board like no one thought possible. maybe the greatest Peace Board of all time. many people are saying it. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

it’s just another greasy grift. Donny gets to be president of this thing forever, and the billion dollar ‘initiation fee’ goes straight into Donny’s pockets. it’s just one more way to funnel bribes to the most corrupt government office to have ever waddled the Earth.

you know who’s already on the Peace Board? Donny’s despot bestie Vlad Putin, because of course he is. so is Hungary’s Viktor Orbán, another one of Donny’s despot besties. big, strong despots, every one of them with tears in their eyes.

you know who’s already told Donny to take a flying fuck? Emmanuel Macron.

reporter: “have you invited President Putin to be a member of the Board of Peace?”

Donny: “yeah. He's been invited.”

reporter: “do you have thoughts on President Macron saying he will not join the Board of Peace?”

Donny: “did he say that? well, nobody wants him because he's going to be out of office very soon. so that’s all right. what I’ll do is if they feel, like, hostile, I'll put a 200% tariff on his wines and champagnes — and he'll join.”

because nothing says ‘I’m a man of peace’ so much as ‘join my Peace Board or you’ll be sorry.’

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tell me, how embarrassing is this? other countries are now lecturing us to get our shit together, and deal with our Mad King problem.

here’s Danish Parliament Deputy Speaker Lars-Christian Brask.

“if I could come up with some advice, it would be for the Senate and the House to start to take control of political power in America — because with this mad and erratic behavior, you have to ask the question, is the president capable of running the United States?”

can you imagine any other nation on the planet getting called out like this? no, you can’t. it’s only the US getting read the riot act — because we’re the country with the leader whose brain has gone fuckity-bye.

lucky us.

Lars-Christian Brask is in good company. Dr. Jonathan Reiner, who was Dick Cheney’s cardiologist, is also calling for a congressional investigation into President Pudding Cup’s fitness for office.

“This letter, and the fact that the president directed that it be distributed to other European countries, should trigger a bipartisan congressional inquiry into presidential fitness.”

but let’s be real. what we really need goes beyond any congressional investigation. Donny needs to be removed from office, pronto. he can no longer be trusted not to drop a nuke on someone because his precious fee-fees got hurt.

seriously, it’s 25th Amendment time — and an increasing number of Democratic lawmakers agree with me.

I’ll take my chances with the furniture fucker.

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now for your hero of the day: the unknown person who created this brilliant video.

is there any more succinct way of illustrating our current state of affairs than these fourteen seconds of perfection?

if you know who created this, please tell me, so I can give them proper credit.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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