‘things happen’ — because bone saws, they’re so unpredictable

laugh it up, you fucking ghouls

Preznit Fuckwit was beside himself with glee yesterday, because he got to have a snugglebunny playdate with one of his all-time favorite despot besties: Mohammed bin Salman, the Crown Prince of Bone Saw Arabia.

look at this giddy dipshit.

bin Salman: “…and Reagan is one of the historical presidents that had close ties with Saudi Arabia—”?
Donny: “but does Trump—?”
bin Salman: “we work with all presidents.”
Donny: “does Trump blow them all away?”
bin Salman: “uh, uh—”

and then Donny does whatever the fuck this is.

oh my lord, he’s such a clownishly inept klutz. was that supposed to be a high five? after completely botching a simple move that any toddler can accomplish, Donny does an I meant to do that.

“and Trump doesn’t give a fist pump. Trump doesn’t give a fist pump. I grab that hand. I don’t care where the hell that hand’s been. I grab that hand.”

whatever you say, Donny. how completely fucking embarrassing.

but Donny didn’t just embarrass himself — he humiliated the entire country. Mohammed bin Salman should have never been allowed to set foot in the Oval Bordello — because, as everyone well knows, MBS is the winner of the Nobel Chopped ’Em Up Real Good Prize.

Jamal Khashoggi

on October 2, 2018, Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi walked into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul. Khashoggi never had the chance to walk out, because Saudi operatives — under orders from Mohammed bin Salman — murdered the shit out of him and cut his body into pieces with a bone saw.

look, this isn’t just me making some wild accusation about MBS’ culpability. it was Donny’s own CIA that concluded bin Salman was the mastermind.

Six weeks after the assassination, the CIA leaked its conclusion that Crown Prince bin Salman had ordered the assassination.

so it was only natural that a reporter would ask about Khashoggi during yesterday’s Oval Bordello playdate — and Donny fielded that question by implying that Khashoggi had it coming.

“you’re mentioning someone that was extremely controversial. a lot of people didn’t like that gentleman that you’re talking about. whether you like him or didn’t like him, things happen. [gestures at MBS] but he knew nothing about it, and we can leave it at that. you don’t have to embarrass our guest by asking a question like that.”

shut the fuck up, Piggy.

‘things happen’? what a callous piece of shit. that’s not how a president talks — that’s how a mob boss talks. nice journalist you got here. be a real shame if things were to happen to him. maybe the dude should have been less controversial, if he didn’t want to end up in a suitcase.

now let’s listen to MBS give his side of the story.

“it’s painful to hear of anyone that is losing their life for no real purpose or nothing illegal, and it’s painful for us in Saudi Arabia. it’s all the right steps of investigation, et cetera, in Saudi Arabia, and we’ve improved our system to be sure that nothing happens like that and it’s painful. it was a huge mistake and we’re our doing our best that this doesn’t happen again.”

oopsies! mistakes happen. we’ve all been there, am I right? one minute, everyone’s laughing and having a great time, and the next thing you know — well, bone saws, it’s like they have a mind of their own. shit happens.

now, I hope you’ll excuse me for being the ten millionth person on the internet to post this meme in response to MBS’s bullshit, but it just so perfectly encapsulates the moment.

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why are Donny and MBS such great pals? well, first of all, unlike the previous crown prince to visit the Oval Bordello, this one’s housebroken, and doesn’t mine for nose gold and wipe the payload all over the Resolute Desk.

but more importantly, Donny and MBS are best buds because Donny is an easily-manipulated dumbfuck who doesn’t realize that he’s being played.

when Donny visited Bone Saw Arabia last May, they had a mobile McDonald’s truck waiting for him.

Donny was in heaven. how mortifying is it that our president can be bought off for a few burgers?

well, not just burgers. real estate deals, too.

December 9, 2024

A month after Trump wins a second term in the White House, Dar Global announces two more Trump projects in Riyadh. “These developments will redefine luxury living in Saudi Arabia’s capital,” boasts an executive with the Saudi firm.

September 29, 2025

Dar Global announces a second Trump property in Jeddah, dubbed Trump Plaza Jeddah, which will include offices, apartments and a green space inspired by Central Park.

and let’s not forget that in 2022, when Donny’s over-leveraged and under-qualified failson-in-law Jared Kushner started his own investment firm, the Saudis were first in line to hand Jared a two billion dollar windfall — even though Kushner had no prior experience running an investment firm.

so, Donny and his family are raking it in. what does Bone Saw Arabia want in return? fighter jets, that’s what.

look, Donny — you made The New York Times very unhappy. you forced them to do the thing they hate the most: commit a journalism.

President Trump said on Monday that he planned to sell F-35 fighter jets to Saudi Arabia, despite concerns from national security officials in his administration that a sale could create an opportunity for China to steal the planes’ advanced technology.

that’s right, selling advanced tech to Bone Saw Arabia is such a huge breach of national security that even SecDef Flippy McCrushnuts’ own Pentagon is against it.

A recent report from the Defense Intelligence Agency, part of the Pentagon, raised concerns that China would be able to access F-35 technology if the United States were to finalize a deal to sell Saudi Arabia the warplanes, as Riyadh and Beijing have a security partnership.

Donny doesn’t give one small-batch artisanal fuck about US fighter jet tech ending up in China’s hands. what he cares about is that he’s going to enrich himself — bigly.

so, Bone Saw gets our most advanced military technology, in the form of fighter jets. Donny gets real estate deals. Jared gets money-for-nothing. but what do We the People get?

we get rudely ordered to shut the fuck up. literally.

ABC correspondent Mary Bruce: “Mr. President, why wait for Congress to release the Epstein files? why not just do it now?”
Donny: ‘it’s not the question that I mind. It’s your attitude. I think you’re a terrible reporter. It’s the way you ask these questions. you start off with a man who’s highly respected, asking him a horrible, insubordinate, and just a terrible question.”

what a vile little tinpot dickhead.

Mary Bruce is being insubordinate? how? the last time I looked, journalists weren’t subordinate to presidents.

Donny really thinks he’s the boss of America, and we’re all just his employees, toiling away to enrich him — and if we say things he doesn’t like, we’re being insubordinate.

here’s another fun thing Little Donny Fuckface barked at Mary Bruce:

ABC, your company, your crappy company is one of the perpetrators. I think the license should be taken away from ABC because your news is so fake and so wrong. And we have a great commissioner, a chairman, who should take a look at that.

fuck you. here’s a free clue for you, Piggy: you’re not the boss of America. in fact, just the opposite is true. you work for us — at least you would be working for us, if you had any respect for the office you somehow wormed your way into.

America only has one Boss — and he hates your guts.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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