what the fuck is going on?

none of this is normal

imagine these are the early days of the Biden presidency. the press is herded into the Oval Office. standing behind Joe is George Soros — and it immediately becomes clear that this is Soros’ presser. he’s the one doing all the talking — Joe just sits behind his desk, not saying a word, eventually nodding off. oh, and there’s some small fucking child wandering around, picking his nose.

you know exactly how the all the usual suspects would have reacted. the wingnut screech-monkeys would have screamed for Biden to be impeached, and for Soros to be arrested. Sean Hannity would have shit a massive brick on live television. James Comer Fudd and Shirt Sleeve Jimmy Jordan would have had a fistfight on the floor of the House over who could be the first to hold hearings.

but that press conference is exactly what happened yesterday, except with Donny Convict and the Space Nazi — and the fidgety little son he actually calls “X” — and everyone shrugged, as if it were just another day in the Extremely Fucked-Up States of America.

what’s the kindest thing you can say about yesterday’s three-ring shit-show? probably that Musk somehow managed to keep from himself sieg heiling — and also that someone in the press actually committed a journalism and called Elon on his bullshit.

reporter: “you said an example of fraud that you have cited was $50 million of condoms was sent to Gaza — but after fact-checking this, apparently it was Gaza in Mozambique, and the program was to protect them against HIV. so can you correct this statement? it wasn’t sent to Hamas, actually. it was sent to Mozambique.”

Elon: “first of all, some of the things I say will be incorrect.”

no fucking shit, Sherlock. that’s the way the big ball bounces when you pull “facts” out of your ass.

Christ on a crab apple, look at Donny. the narcoleptic fart factory is totally checked out. he’s about three brain cells away from going sleepybye and filling the Oval Office with the pungent scent of ass music.

even Elon’s mini-me — knuckles-deep into his nostrils as he mines for nose gold — is all ‘what the fuck is going on with this stinky old man?’

is there any question as to who is really running the country right now?

the guy who slept his way through his criminal trial is now sleeping his way through his presidency — and the same media who hounded Biden for months, demanding he prove he had the cognitive acuity to lead a country, can’t be bothered to ask the same of Donny.

in fact what the press did was to declare the whole thing adorable.

excuse me, I’m about to have a barf overload in my mouth.

while Donny slumbered mightily, Elon droned on about how his legion of flying monkey incels from the Department of Breaking Shit They Don’t Understand are rooting out fraud — mountains of fraud. so much fraud, you wouldn’t believe it. fraud like you’ve never seen.

the thing you need to know is that Elon defines “fraud” as ‘someone who isn’t me got money.’

“At this point, I am 100% certain that the magnitude of the fraud in federal entitlements (Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Welfare, Disability, etc) exceeds the combined sum of every private scam you’ve ever heard by FAR. It’s not even close.”

what’s Elon’s proof that all this fraud is going on? he doesn’t have any. he doesn’t need any. he’s “100% certain.” what other proof does anyone need?

listen to this fresh, steaming pile of horse manure from President Elon’s presser.

We do find it sort of rather odd that there are quite a few people in the bureaucracy who have ostensibly a salary of a few hundred thousand dollars, but somehow manage to accrue tens of millions of dollars in net worth. . . . The reality is they’re getting wealthy at the taxpayer’s expense. That’s the honest truth of it.

what’s happening here is that Kid Ketamine is making shit up. there is no fucking way that Elon and his flying monkey incels are walking into government offices and finding fraud in fifteen minutes. actually rooting out fraud — presuming in the first place that there is any — takes months of real investigative work by teams of trained forensic accountants poring over millions of pages of documents — not by a rag-tag gaggle of arrogant teenagers who give themselves nicknames like ‘big balls.’

and yet, the administration is acting as if Elon’s drug-fueled fairy tales have a basis in reality, and firing the shit out of career civil servants.

for fuck’s sake, NY Times, Elon didn’t “misleadingly claim” — he lied. just say it.

hey, if Elon’s really serious about rooting out freeloaders who grew wealthy off of the government, I know a guy who’s ripe for firing.

Tesla Motors Inc., SolarCity Corp. and Space Exploration Technologies Corp., known as SpaceX, together have benefited from an estimated $4.9 billion in government support, according to data compiled by The Times. The figure underscores a common theme running through his emerging empire: a public-private financing model underpinning long-shot start-ups.

that story’s from 2015. how much more government cash do you think Elon’s swindled from our coffers over the subsequent ten years?

or, better yet — how much in the last three months?

Since Trump was elected president, Musk’s fortune has increased $270 billion. If you think that’s an accident, you haven’t been paying attention.

meanwhile, the DOGE wrecking ball continues to swing indiscriminately in every direction — and people are starting to die as a result.

here’s your daily Gaza ethnic cleansing update, because the goalposts moved once again.

last week, Donny claimed that the United States was going to buy Gaza (from who?), expel the Palestinians, and turn the joint into a golf resort. then, two days ago, Donny claimed that he was personally going to buy Gaza (again, from who?).

yesterday morning, Donny changed his story again. now, the US is going to take Gaza. just grab it, like it was the last slice of cake at one of Donny’s tacky golf motels. it’s ours now, fuck you if you don’t like it.

reporter: “how is the US going to own Gaza? your White House has been clear, taxpayer dollars won’t be used for this. so what money are you going to use to buy Gaza?”

Donny: “we’re not going to buy anything. we’re going to have it. we’re going to keep it.”

let’s take Donny at his word — because make no mistake, he’s dead fucking serious about this — and game this whole thing out. do you think two million Palestinians are going to just shrug their shoulders and go ‘oh well, I guess it’s time to start packing’? absolutely not. they’re going to dig in. it’s going to be bloody, with mass casualties on both sides. but Donny, bearing all the intellectual heft of a concussed toddler, imagines he can just go mine now!, and Palestinians will greet him as a liberator, and throw flowers.

where have I heard this before? oh right, it was this guy. Liz Cheney’s dad. in 2003, he literally said we’d be ‘greeted as liberators,’ right before he launched us into 20-year quagmires in Iraq and Afghanistan.

hey — how’s that asteroid doing? has it come any closer since yesterday?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on BlueSky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.