Speaking of professional, how on earth did Dana Bash *not* actually just laugh in his face. Not to mention, eight bullet points is five more than trumpy can handle in a day.
Look at all the boys making fun of prominent women's looks. You're a boy, right DJ? You're a boy, right, arne? Oh, and Charles below. Are y'all super good-looking? Let's see your faces. I hate this shit. It's so cheap and mindless to denigrate women on their looks. Get some imagination.
You know it's rough being a public woman. You're supposed to be beautiful (and nice!) while still doing as good a job as the men, many of whom don't honestly look that great, at holding these traitors to account. If Dana Bash uses botox, or procedures of any sort, to try to live up to the impossible standard set for women to do it all (in high heels and backwards if you know what I mean), well, more power to her.
Dump might not even be able to handle one. Since reading has never been his thing, there's probably a good chance that Schumer's bullshit was read to him.
She should have asked “What the heck are ‘strong’ questions??” That sounds like one of trump’s own useless, meaningless adjectives. How is a question “strong?”
It isn't, not when you're dealing with a traitor who has no plan, only intends to destroy. Schumer needs to step aside for someone like Sen. Booker, someone who is as sick of the treason as we are. Schumer is another wealthy politician happy to procrastinate to keep his job and his wealthy donors.
Im going to show a side of myself that I dont like vetting out that often. But. I believe the parable you are talking about is a reference to Charles Spurgeon from the late 1800s in a sermon where we use the "footprints in the sand" reference to Psalm 77:19 which might be the closest biblical reference to the footprints imagery.
Meh, dont judge me Jeff. My druid coven hates my knowledge on the subject also. Though I know more about Druids than I do the bible (and I know alot about the bible, sadly).
That is one way of putting it. Long before I was a druid, I was a linguistics person who wanted to be one of those "Scholars". University time was spent doing this. Like I said, That was another life, a different person. Not the Druid healer I am now.
In my linguistics days, I became an honorary Masorete: the Near East Languages Department wanted the Hebrew text computerized, assigning ASCII codes to all the consonants, vowels, and accent marks, and I typed it all into a big file which is the basis of all online and even printed Hebrew Old Testaments nowadays. I made some improvements to the coding scheme based on what I was seeing, so the professor promised to credit me on the paper and I said "Thanks, I'll forever be a footnote!" And so it proved: years later I got a Hebrew-English bilingual and in the intro, after listing the prominent Masoretic scribes who transmitted the text, and the early printers, and the scholars who created critical editions, they mentioned the computerization and there, in the footnotes, was my name.
Linguistics — an amateur lover of the sport, especially the historical teams! Read S. I. Hayakawa at a young age (yes I know he was popularizing another’s work) and it opened a world for me.
That’s news! Jeff fucking great writer lies! To you and your better than that write a strongly worded letter to Chuck the play ‘The Name Game’ with his name he will laugh and laugh, he such a stitch.
My coffee spit take of the morning was your line about being “as useless as a marzipan dildo”. I’m pretty sure you didn’t get that from a standard writer’s handbook. The closest I could find online was this pic of marzipan with one nut. No warning needed, it’s suitable for work: https://lazyhomecook.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/IMG_20200615_114744034-1152x1536.jpg
Thank you! Yes, a coffee-spitter. Congratulations, Jeff! We appreciate all your writing. This morning Mr. Spouse was in a bad mood regarding our political mess & said "don't read anything to me." I replied, "oh, just Jeff Tiedrich." He agreed. Then marzipan dildo got him laughing out loud. Me too. You're the best!
well Jeff, now you’ve gone and ruined marzipan for me. my fave candy. the name of my dog. it’s all ruined. so ruined that i just paid $50 so i could tell you!!! keep it coming! 😉
Oh yay!!! Welcome to the Club! So sorry your fave candy is ruined (sorry, not sorry, too funny)! The dog—that’s a different story!! Poor poochie!! Okay—still too damn funny!!
I know just the author! Senator Susan Collins! She was actually right about Trump learning his lesson. She taught him the lesson that no Republican will hold him accountable
Hardly a post goes by without some poor soul lamenting about unloading on the computer after reading a particularly hilarious bon mot and choking out a mouthful of the morning brew.
Really? Woody Woodpecker was the first TV show I ever watched. I watched it at a neighbor's house in 1957. I only saw it once and I only remember Woody himself. Remember, I grew up in a tv free home.
That "footprints bit" was the moment I actually snorted and choked on my coffee. In the two and a half years of reading your delicious material, I have laughed but never to the extent of the physical reflex of expelling my coffee. Glorious way to start your anniversary! Bless you for your fortitude for being there with humor and truth for all of us here.
I have a bone too pick with you, Jeff, for berating Secretary Scott Pissant for mis-speaking. He erred in saying subdeals when what he really intended to say was deal-lets, or to use the original terminology as coined by Goebbels, Dealchen.
Congrats, Jeff! I was a contrarian about twitter and refused to join, but posters at Wonkette kept linking to your tweets and I became a fan. (Wonkette is free, but they encourage subscriptions supported by $, folks!) I'm happy to subscribe to EIETMO, and I hope Substack lets you stay!
Trump is now sending emails to universities asking if they’re Jewish. Nothing says fighting antisemitism like putting Jews on a list. Just look how well it turned out for us in WWII. Wasn’t that a great time for all us whose ancestors were killed in the gas chambers or experimented on.
"as the Bible wisely counsels, when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Chuck Schumer, rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions."
Fuck Schumer. It looks to me like Cory Booker is already doing Schumer’s fucking job. I think it’s time to make that official. He can write a sternly worded resignation letter.
Yep, I see democrats actually doing shit every day. Schumer offers a ver strong, powerful letter with eight nerd strong, bigly points. Obviously, Schumer is learning to speak Trump’s language.
I'd like to see him introduce some legislation like LBJ sent to Congress in 1964, 1965, and 1966. Does no one introduce any nation changing legislation any more? Frankly, I don't think we're going to get very far with a Stanford graduate.
It's true, we do need to name post offices. The last time we tried to name one in Berkeley, the rs refused the name we wanted, which was that of a former radical city council woman, who was not in the pocket of the developers. Triple aargh! We'd never get one named for Barbara Lee.
Sub fact: a submarine is a boat that can operate under water.
Sub fact: in the First and Second World Wars, the German word for "submarine" was "U-boot", a shortening of "Unterseeboot" (under-sea boat). Pronounced [ˈuːboːt] , according to Ms Wikipedia.
Bessent finding out belatedly like so many before, that when you are associated with that lying piece of shit you end up turning into a lying piece of shit yerself. And learn a lot of verbal tap dancing that you really don't want to. Right, Spicer? Of course, some of 'em are already good liars and relish doing so, like Sarah Silvertongue Sanders, KKKaroline Leavitt, and Bribe Me Bondi
Hope to see Bondi get the same lengthy stay in the big house that Nixon's AG John Mitchell got. The crimes she's committed pale in comparison to Mitchell's and he was in prison for 19 months.
“look Opus. see Chilly Willy over there? he just agreed to a 10% tariff on krill. I’ll bet you can do better on that.” 😂😂😂 "useless as a marzipan dildo."🤣🤣🤣
Schumer has consulted with Susan Collins, evidently. Talk about worthless.
Dump has always been a liar... but it's more blatant and obvious than ever. Commander Crazypants and his people will be in the trash heap of history...let's try to make that sooner than later.
I read the transcript of that TIME interview and was “shocked”(not really) at President Moron’s answers. Nonsensical word salads, full of rants and boasts. Then at the end I think he called the interviewer nasty.
And this is the kind of idiot American voters wanted to be their leader! Americans are dumber than dirt.
I have been screaming to read it, really it couldn’t be more twisted, scary to me but now many not most have read it (the ones who can read) world class probably in history will be known as the most inspirational interview ever, right.
Chump has been an insult to our intelligence since he was born in 1946. Most baby boomers had the sense to stay away from his swarmy ass. Those that didn't regretted the "association" with him.
Since 2015 he has been in all of our nightmares as the Supreme Ruler of the Universe.
I plan on outliving him so I can sleep much better.
My husband just turned 80 and our new mantra is "80 is the new 60!" Stay active, have friends, eat a salad, rest when you're tired, and think about how great we could be once we get rid of these Rethuglican traitors.
It’s been TEN fking years of nonstop T💩p! Yeeeech! He has already done so much damage and it won’t end until the cholesterol does its job or we are just a heap of smoldering ash and Putin finally tells T💩p “Good job destroying America! I knew I could count on you, Comrade!”
Mary this is a little off topic but my birthday is in 2 days and I wonder if you can print the updated list. That way I'll be guaranteed all day laughter. If you want to send me a copy-- mtkelly1200@gmail.com thanks
I had a visceral revulsion to Trump back when I was in college and he was the leering owner of the Miss Universe contest. Like when I saw Jimmy Saville on "Top of the Pops" in the '60's. I recognized a perv when I saw one.
I won't die until well after he is gone,if I have a choice. Wonder what his funeral will look like? A military parade from MaraLargo to his golf course? Maybe it could even destroy the course? Those tanks are heavy.
He will be propped up in a golf cart and set up in the rotunda. He will be wearing his regulation MAGAt hat and golfing outfit. The only challenge will be getting his thumbs to stay up. Rigor mortis only last 8 hours. They’re gonna have to work fast!
This one even has "strong questions ?" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ?
Hasn't Chuck figured out the cfotus CAN'T READ ?
I hate this. All of it. Everyday day is the same shit, different shit. It's all fucking shit and I'm really tired of it. Traumatized, exhausted, stressed and tired. Thank science for xanax... 🙄😶🤨 and blood pressure meds and vaccines
< and thank substack for having writers I can read without throwing up>
But I still hate this, I hate living through this ....
I hate waking up every morning and after being happy to wake up, I then wonder what the fuck happened last night, what fresh hell will we be subjected to today ?
Morgan, I hear you. Before I open my eyes in the morning I ask the cosmos, "Is he dead yet?"
I was NEVER like that! Life had meaning and held joy and hope. Now it's a crap salad. All I can advise is don't let him do that to us. Unite and rise above it. That's all. I'm exhausted and it's still Monday morning.
Jeff, you used a Chilly Willy pic in the post, THATS fucking outstanding. I doubt much of the young crowd will know who that is, but Im old as fuck, so yeah, I do.
Trade deals are happening, yet, what can the america consumer do? Good question. I tried to answer that here.
Wendy, compared to me, you’re still a sweet young thing. Readers, I strongly suggest reading Wendy’s contribution today. Many practical suggestions. I made plans months ago to expand my own garden thinking of Dumpster’s assault on the poor. If successful, I may be able to share results beyond next door neighbor. Hoping to have a pic on my Insta soon. I’d be baking, but our stove’s control panel died ages ago and a replacement is almost $300. Comes with a warning to hire a professional to replace. But there’s an awesome bakery here that anyone in their right mind would choose over Wonder Bread anyway.
Mine might have done the same. I have my best friend’s journaling from her wild days (she passed about 14 years ago) and I honestly don’t know what to do with those! They came to live here after she got married.
Me too! My garden boxes are done and waiting for their soil. The fruit trees are already in and showing little baby oranges, lemons, limes, cherries, apricots and peaches... I won't go into the stove. It's a very sore point between my husband and me.
Oh dear. My bio brother (a wonderful human being) knows I like to tinker and insists I can do the work myself. But your efforts sound wonderful! I filled my raised beds with an assortment of cardboard, branches, leaves and sticks before adding dirt and compost. Made the process a lot cheaper.
I have long wanted to thank you for your glorious fuck filled posts and for a safe place for one to spout one’s own (often gratuitous) fucks. I and my mental health are forever grateful.
I don’t have a clever comment, just a sincere thank you for sharing your thoughts in a clear, informative and extremely clever way. Yours is my favorite email every single day.
Oh sweet merciful penguin lords of Heard Island, grant us patience.
Here we are again: Grandpa Two-Weeks is negotiating 200 trade deals in a world with 195 countries, because counting — like compassion, reality, and basic grammar — is apparently for losers.
Meanwhile, Chuck Schumer is out here cosplaying as Gandalf at the gates of Mordor, bravely firing off sternly-worded letters like they’re magic spells. Spoiler alert: orcs don’t read.
You almost have to admire the absurdity. It’s performance art at this point. A rotting empire, defended by men who think that tariffs with Antarctica’s penguin population are a flex, and opposed by Democrats who still believe strongly-worded letters can exorcise fascism.
The Gospel According to Virgin Monk Boy says:
"When the buffoon screams and the sages scribble, the kingdom is not yet come. Arise, ye who see through the spectacle, and make holy mischief."
We are not saved by decorum.
We are not saved by letters.
We are saved by laughing so hard at their clownery that we remember to act.
Excellent. Truly. I just watched conclave yesterday, which as a Catholic Buddhist who grew up with a close relative in the Franciscan order, made me laugh in spite of myself. I think you win the Internet today.
To make a Catholic Buddhist with Franciscan blood laugh in spite of herself — now that is a miracle the Vatican will probably try to suppress by Tuesday.
Thank you for walking this ridiculous, sacred road with us.
May your days be filled with holy mischief and extremely judgmental penguins. 🐧✨
Thank you dear Virgin MB, likewise. I have to mention also that penguins are my people, I've got 30 yr old flannel penguin PJs I can't part with though are too worse for wearing...I have nothing but respect for that penguin who goes his own way in the film. He knows something isn't right for him and takes the non-path - which is maybe where we find ourselves. Without some serious imagination and prayer there but for God go all of us, and as soon as the dragon arises (she is slowly coming to) there will be myth-level mirth and divine mischief...it's already begun. Blessings on you and those you love, see you on the field, keep your sword (or light saber) sharp.
YES I KNOW, the "footprints in the sand" poem is not actually from the bible. fun professional writer fact: sometimes I just cut corners.
Speaking of professional, how on earth did Dana Bash *not* actually just laugh in his face. Not to mention, eight bullet points is five more than trumpy can handle in a day.
Dana Bash's face is not capable of movement. It has been drawn so tight that no actual emotion can show. It is actually creepy.
Dana Bash, Celine Dion and Mr. Ed walk into a bar. "Hey guys, why the long faces?"
Look at all the boys making fun of prominent women's looks. You're a boy, right DJ? You're a boy, right, arne? Oh, and Charles below. Are y'all super good-looking? Let's see your faces. I hate this shit. It's so cheap and mindless to denigrate women on their looks. Get some imagination.
No offense was intended. Hey, I'm MUCH tougher on Captain Combover.
😂😂😂😂
She did say “shit show” after a Trump-Biden debate, didn’t she? Give the woman some credit 😄
( maybe Botox overload?)
‘Botox Pro’?
😂😂😂
You know it's rough being a public woman. You're supposed to be beautiful (and nice!) while still doing as good a job as the men, many of whom don't honestly look that great, at holding these traitors to account. If Dana Bash uses botox, or procedures of any sort, to try to live up to the impossible standard set for women to do it all (in high heels and backwards if you know what I mean), well, more power to her.
Dump might not even be able to handle one. Since reading has never been his thing, there's probably a good chance that Schumer's bullshit was read to him.
Or thrown directly into the trash
Yes, trash more like it.
Made into a picture book with lots of colors and shapes.
She should have called him out as a coward for not doing anything to stop the trump shit. Letter, my ass.
She should have asked “What the heck are ‘strong’ questions??” That sounds like one of trump’s own useless, meaningless adjectives. How is a question “strong?”
It isn't, not when you're dealing with a traitor who has no plan, only intends to destroy. Schumer needs to step aside for someone like Sen. Booker, someone who is as sick of the treason as we are. Schumer is another wealthy politician happy to procrastinate to keep his job and his wealthy donors.
There's a joke in there someplace about giving Dumpty three bullet points, but dang if I can pull it together considering Big brother's prying eyes.
Im going to show a side of myself that I dont like vetting out that often. But. I believe the parable you are talking about is a reference to Charles Spurgeon from the late 1800s in a sermon where we use the "footprints in the sand" reference to Psalm 77:19 which might be the closest biblical reference to the footprints imagery.
Meh, dont judge me Jeff. My druid coven hates my knowledge on the subject also. Though I know more about Druids than I do the bible (and I know alot about the bible, sadly).
Scholarly.
That is one way of putting it. Long before I was a druid, I was a linguistics person who wanted to be one of those "Scholars". University time was spent doing this. Like I said, That was another life, a different person. Not the Druid healer I am now.
In my linguistics days, I became an honorary Masorete: the Near East Languages Department wanted the Hebrew text computerized, assigning ASCII codes to all the consonants, vowels, and accent marks, and I typed it all into a big file which is the basis of all online and even printed Hebrew Old Testaments nowadays. I made some improvements to the coding scheme based on what I was seeing, so the professor promised to credit me on the paper and I said "Thanks, I'll forever be a footnote!" And so it proved: years later I got a Hebrew-English bilingual and in the intro, after listing the prominent Masoretic scribes who transmitted the text, and the early printers, and the scholars who created critical editions, they mentioned the computerization and there, in the footnotes, was my name.
Wow! That's neat.
Linguistics — an amateur lover of the sport, especially the historical teams! Read S. I. Hayakawa at a young age (yes I know he was popularizing another’s work) and it opened a world for me.
Oh, I'll have to read it. I thought I would be a linguistics major and somehow ended up with math.
There’s also a bluegrass song by Bill Monroe called “Footprints in the Snow.”
I know that song all too well
It's the American Wayᵀᴹ!
Yeah Jeff, but next you'll be telling us you made up 200 jokes about Trump while you took a single crap. It's a SLIPPERY SLOPE, man !!! 🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑 !!!
It's probably possible to write 200 Dumpy jokes while taking a single crap if you're a tiny bit constipated. They write themselves.
That’s news! Jeff fucking great writer lies! To you and your better than that write a strongly worded letter to Chuck the play ‘The Name Game’ with his name he will laugh and laugh, he such a stitch.
My coffee spit take of the morning was your line about being “as useless as a marzipan dildo”. I’m pretty sure you didn’t get that from a standard writer’s handbook. The closest I could find online was this pic of marzipan with one nut. No warning needed, it’s suitable for work: https://lazyhomecook.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/IMG_20200615_114744034-1152x1536.jpg
Thank you! Yes, a coffee-spitter. Congratulations, Jeff! We appreciate all your writing. This morning Mr. Spouse was in a bad mood regarding our political mess & said "don't read anything to me." I replied, "oh, just Jeff Tiedrich." He agreed. Then marzipan dildo got him laughing out loud. Me too. You're the best!
tRump completes his trade deals:
https://substack.com/@bobbowden209566/note/c-112791173?r=1pv3tg&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
There's a portrait for the white house's next occupant, as a stiff reminder, next to the mixed drink cart
archetypical band name
well Jeff, now you’ve gone and ruined marzipan for me. my fave candy. the name of my dog. it’s all ruined. so ruined that i just paid $50 so i could tell you!!! keep it coming! 😉
That’s what she said
Oh yay!!! Welcome to the Club! So sorry your fave candy is ruined (sorry, not sorry, too funny)! The dog—that’s a different story!! Poor poochie!! Okay—still too damn funny!!
Maybe a strongly worded letter is called for with this ... ruining candy is just not nice, y'know?
I know just the author! Senator Susan Collins! She was actually right about Trump learning his lesson. She taught him the lesson that no Republican will hold him accountable
Jeff ;
I think people need a warning on the mast head
‘Do not read while drinking coffee’
Hardly a post goes by without some poor soul lamenting about unloading on the computer after reading a particularly hilarious bon mot and choking out a mouthful of the morning brew.
It’s a hazard being this funny!
I'm actually more appreciative of the list of fictional penguin names—it gives me an idea for my next quiz's picture round!
I’m too lazy to look it up but is there really a site for fictional penguin names?!?
I figured it started and stopped at good ol’
Chilly Willy
No, it started with Opus! Search for Opus the Penguin and you'll see what he looks like.
Opus was from a comic strip, right? I have a picture in my mind. But he surely wasn’t around before Chilly , was he?
I remember watching Chilly cartoons 70 years ago I’m pretty sure.
He was Woody Woodpeckers buddy if memory serves.
Really? Woody Woodpecker was the first TV show I ever watched. I watched it at a neighbor's house in 1957. I only saw it once and I only remember Woody himself. Remember, I grew up in a tv free home.
Oh, no! No Woody Woodpecker?
That’s almost child abuse, you poor thing!
Jeff's got a link to it in the article.
That "footprints bit" was the moment I actually snorted and choked on my coffee. In the two and a half years of reading your delicious material, I have laughed but never to the extent of the physical reflex of expelling my coffee. Glorious way to start your anniversary! Bless you for your fortitude for being there with humor and truth for all of us here.
I have a bone too pick with you, Jeff, for berating Secretary Scott Pissant for mis-speaking. He erred in saying subdeals when what he really intended to say was deal-lets, or to use the original terminology as coined by Goebbels, Dealchen.
😆🤣😂
We thank you for your daily posts. It’s the first thing I read everyday
Congrats, Jeff! I was a contrarian about twitter and refused to join, but posters at Wonkette kept linking to your tweets and I became a fan. (Wonkette is free, but they encourage subscriptions supported by $, folks!) I'm happy to subscribe to EIETMO, and I hope Substack lets you stay!
Why would Substack not let him stay?
You haven’t heard anything, have you?
Who knows what will happen to people who write adverse opinions on Hair Furor? No, nothing specific have I heard, but we’re only 100 days into this.
Hair Furor! Well done.
When an author brings in as many paid subscribers as Professor Jeff does, tenure is guaranteed.
Poetic license, not cutting corners. Sheesh, Jeff.
OMG… THE VISUAL!
Trump is now sending emails to universities asking if they’re Jewish. Nothing says fighting antisemitism like putting Jews on a list. Just look how well it turned out for us in WWII. Wasn’t that a great time for all us whose ancestors were killed in the gas chambers or experimented on.
My sarcastic self is asking.
I loved the imagery. Also, kudos for serious background research on ACTUAL fictional penguin names. Made me laugh.
"as the Bible wisely counsels, when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Chuck Schumer, rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions."
I AM DYING
Yeah Jeff owes me an entire mouthful of coffee, bc I spewed mine everywhere guffawing upon reading that.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fuck Schumer. It looks to me like Cory Booker is already doing Schumer’s fucking job. I think it’s time to make that official. He can write a sternly worded resignation letter.
Yep, I see democrats actually doing shit every day. Schumer offers a ver strong, powerful letter with eight nerd strong, bigly points. Obviously, Schumer is learning to speak Trump’s language.
Schumer is lazy and is way past his shelf life
I'd like to see him introduce some legislation like LBJ sent to Congress in 1964, 1965, and 1966. Does no one introduce any nation changing legislation any more? Frankly, I don't think we're going to get very far with a Stanford graduate.
But all those post offices need names!
It's true, we do need to name post offices. The last time we tried to name one in Berkeley, the rs refused the name we wanted, which was that of a former radical city council woman, who was not in the pocket of the developers. Triple aargh! We'd never get one named for Barbara Lee.
And with 8 bullet points
Did one of those bullet points happen to graze his ear?
DAMN STRAIGHT!
🙌🏼
Chuck Schumer is more useless than a one-legged coffee table.
P.S. subdeals=alternative facts.
Gonna git me a subdeal for lunch today!
With Provolone, please. 😂😂
Make mine Havarti.
Extra guacamole?
My husband makes sandwiches like these almost every day.
You're not related to Parker Dooley, are you?
Meatball Marinara with provolone.😃😃
😂
How about alternative deals or subfacts.
I like sub facts. Below fact level but not yet unfacts.
Sub fact: guacamole improves almost all subs.
Sub fact: a submarine is a boat that can operate under water.
Sub fact: in the First and Second World Wars, the German word for "submarine" was "U-boot", a shortening of "Unterseeboot" (under-sea boat). Pronounced [ˈuːboːt] , according to Ms Wikipedia.
https://youtu.be/AK3gB7DpaM0
Probably my most favorite comedy of all time.
TOROEDO, LOS!!😂😂
TORPEDO ( Fucking AI!)
Are subfacts always this submental?
Substantially
?
Great one, Marty!!
He has all the utility of teats on a boar hog
Bessent finding out belatedly like so many before, that when you are associated with that lying piece of shit you end up turning into a lying piece of shit yerself. And learn a lot of verbal tap dancing that you really don't want to. Right, Spicer? Of course, some of 'em are already good liars and relish doing so, like Sarah Silvertongue Sanders, KKKaroline Leavitt, and Bribe Me Bondi
Hope to see Bondi get the same lengthy stay in the big house that Nixon's AG John Mitchell got. The crimes she's committed pale in comparison to Mitchell's and he was in prison for 19 months.
Tis my wish, also.
on my prayer list (just kidding; I don't have a prayer list - but if I did...)
And looked what Trump did to Sycophant Sarah — refused her state FEMA help after multiple tornados. Lies don’t pay in the end.
All that lying and sucking up got her zero. Her voters deserve better, but then, they elected her and him too.
"Her voters deserve better"? Assumes facts not in evidence.
Yeah, but even idiots should be served by their (our) gubmint. That's whut it's fer
“look Opus. see Chilly Willy over there? he just agreed to a 10% tariff on krill. I’ll bet you can do better on that.” 😂😂😂 "useless as a marzipan dildo."🤣🤣🤣
Schumer has consulted with Susan Collins, evidently. Talk about worthless.
Dump has always been a liar... but it's more blatant and obvious than ever. Commander Crazypants and his people will be in the trash heap of history...let's try to make that sooner than later.
....and sooner isn't sooner enough. Kinda like Common Sense Isn't Very Common....
I just compared Chuck to Susan Collins too. 🤣
😂😂😂 His ego wont allow him to step down. As he should. The Democrats are a mess.
Dear me! I’m concerned!
Good job, Stephanie
Susan, did you hear that Collins is gearing up to run…AGAIN??
Democrat Jordan Wood is running against her. Used to be Katie Porter’s chief of staff. Sounds promising!
That is most promising news. If only Katie Porter could run anywhere else and she's be taking names right now...
I sooo hope so!!🤞🏼
Noooooo! I hope she gets her ass beat.
Please tell me that you all remember who Opus was.
I DO!!!! 🐧
Thank you. I miss Bloom County.
So good!!
Opus and Chilly Willie are plotting a coup. (Waddleocracy😂😂)
LOL 😂😂😂😂😂
I read the transcript of that TIME interview and was “shocked”(not really) at President Moron’s answers. Nonsensical word salads, full of rants and boasts. Then at the end I think he called the interviewer nasty.
And this is the kind of idiot American voters wanted to be their leader! Americans are dumber than dirt.
I read the transcript also. Then realized I couldn't unread it. I think the wrecking ball-in-chief is actually using a blender. God, what a disaster.
I have been screaming to read it, really it couldn’t be more twisted, scary to me but now many not most have read it (the ones who can read) world class probably in history will be known as the most inspirational interview ever, right.
Aw come on. Not ALL Americans. Some of us have actually paid attention and subscribe to Jeff!
The real problem is that Time ran the interview with no analysis.
Make sure you write to The Times to say exactly that.
Chump has been an insult to our intelligence since he was born in 1946. Most baby boomers had the sense to stay away from his swarmy ass. Those that didn't regretted the "association" with him.
Since 2015 he has been in all of our nightmares as the Supreme Ruler of the Universe.
I plan on outliving him so I can sleep much better.
Outliving Trump is the main goal of my life right now. I feel ya.
at 88, almost 89, it's gonna be close......
I give myself about another 16 months, and I wake up every morning to check if he's dead yet.
If I prayed, I would pray that you make it.
But I don't have an imaginary friend in the sky.
I will just wish really really hard.
Thank you, Hannah. But the way I forget things now, I think there's not much time left.
My husband just turned 80 and our new mantra is "80 is the new 60!" Stay active, have friends, eat a salad, rest when you're tired, and think about how great we could be once we get rid of these Rethuglican traitors.
Don't forget about the pilgrimage to pour a bottle of champagne on Dumpty's grave.
After drinking the champagne, of course.
It’s been TEN fking years of nonstop T💩p! Yeeeech! He has already done so much damage and it won’t end until the cholesterol does its job or we are just a heap of smoldering ash and Putin finally tells T💩p “Good job destroying America! I knew I could count on you, Comrade!”
Mary this is a little off topic but my birthday is in 2 days and I wonder if you can print the updated list. That way I'll be guaranteed all day laughter. If you want to send me a copy-- mtkelly1200@gmail.com thanks
Happy early birthday MT! I would be delighted to send you my list.
I had a visceral revulsion to Trump back when I was in college and he was the leering owner of the Miss Universe contest. Like when I saw Jimmy Saville on "Top of the Pops" in the '60's. I recognized a perv when I saw one.
Sharon: me too!
I won't die until well after he is gone,if I have a choice. Wonder what his funeral will look like? A military parade from MaraLargo to his golf course? Maybe it could even destroy the course? Those tanks are heavy.
A lot of cheering people lining the streets as the hearse passes by.
He will be propped up in a golf cart and set up in the rotunda. He will be wearing his regulation MAGAt hat and golfing outfit. The only challenge will be getting his thumbs to stay up. Rigor mortis only last 8 hours. They’re gonna have to work fast!
Great... another "strongly worded letter..."
This one even has "strong questions ?" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ?
Hasn't Chuck figured out the cfotus CAN'T READ ?
I hate this. All of it. Everyday day is the same shit, different shit. It's all fucking shit and I'm really tired of it. Traumatized, exhausted, stressed and tired. Thank science for xanax... 🙄😶🤨 and blood pressure meds and vaccines
< and thank substack for having writers I can read without throwing up>
But I still hate this, I hate living through this ....
I hate waking up every morning and after being happy to wake up, I then wonder what the fuck happened last night, what fresh hell will we be subjected to today ?
May the goddess have mercy on us.....
Morgan, I hear you. Before I open my eyes in the morning I ask the cosmos, "Is he dead yet?"
I was NEVER like that! Life had meaning and held joy and hope. Now it's a crap salad. All I can advise is don't let him do that to us. Unite and rise above it. That's all. I'm exhausted and it's still Monday morning.
Someday we will wake up to his obituary. OH HAPPY DAY! OH HAPPY DAY!
I hear you! I have ingested more tequila since November than I did in the entire 12 years since I retired to Mexico!
Jeff, you used a Chilly Willy pic in the post, THATS fucking outstanding. I doubt much of the young crowd will know who that is, but Im old as fuck, so yeah, I do.
Trade deals are happening, yet, what can the america consumer do? Good question. I tried to answer that here.
https://thistleandmoss.com/p/actions-of-a-diverse-america-april-fb4
I, too, am old AF, and I mean, you gotta love Chilly Willy!
Chilly Willy, Droopy, Barney Bear (a VERY old favorite of mine personally).
Wendy, if you're old as fuck I'm a product of the last ice age.
first ice age here
Wendy, compared to me, you’re still a sweet young thing. Readers, I strongly suggest reading Wendy’s contribution today. Many practical suggestions. I made plans months ago to expand my own garden thinking of Dumpster’s assault on the poor. If successful, I may be able to share results beyond next door neighbor. Hoping to have a pic on my Insta soon. I’d be baking, but our stove’s control panel died ages ago and a replacement is almost $300. Comes with a warning to hire a professional to replace. But there’s an awesome bakery here that anyone in their right mind would choose over Wonder Bread anyway.
Wait, you read the crap that I churn out? And actually find value in it? Please tell me you havent read my biographical works....those are the worst.
And yes, I read your stuff because you’re a good and insightful writer.
Ha ha. I've read it all.
Thats not comforting.
No, I haven’t. You wouldn’t want to read mine. I shredded them long ago out of concern that my daughter could read them.
I had the same concern. Fortunately, my 18 year old got a hold of it anyway, and told me to put it out there.
Mine might have done the same. I have my best friend’s journaling from her wild days (she passed about 14 years ago) and I honestly don’t know what to do with those! They came to live here after she got married.
Honestly, life experience is just that. So in honor of that, here. You can read if you like. Ive had people tell me they are worth the read. https://thistleandmoss.com/p/my-house-of-pain-published-chapters
Read at your own risk.
If you ever had permission, id be willing to bet that binding that into a book for others to read would be amazing.
Publish them. No one believes the lives we led in the Sixties and Seventies. They should know what life can be like before we grew up.
Cheryl - I REALLY hope your stove's replacement panel doesn't come from China. . .
Me too! My garden boxes are done and waiting for their soil. The fruit trees are already in and showing little baby oranges, lemons, limes, cherries, apricots and peaches... I won't go into the stove. It's a very sore point between my husband and me.
Oh dear. My bio brother (a wonderful human being) knows I like to tinker and insists I can do the work myself. But your efforts sound wonderful! I filled my raised beds with an assortment of cardboard, branches, leaves and sticks before adding dirt and compost. Made the process a lot cheaper.
I’m old as fuck and laughed my ass off at Chilly Willy.
I feel like Jeff should use Barney Bear and maybe Droopy in the next few posts, to keep the vibe going on.
I only know the name Chilly Willy bc it’s mentioned in the film “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”
doesn't give public access
I have long wanted to thank you for your glorious fuck filled posts and for a safe place for one to spout one’s own (often gratuitous) fucks. I and my mental health are forever grateful.
I don’t have a clever comment, just a sincere thank you for sharing your thoughts in a clear, informative and extremely clever way. Yours is my favorite email every single day.
Happy Substack birthday! Thank you for writing for us every single day.
200 trade deals? No wonder he fell aaleep at the Pope's funeral.
HA!
We need to tell him to slow down, he’s working too damn hard! Think of all those agreements he has to sign!!!
Oh sweet merciful penguin lords of Heard Island, grant us patience.
Here we are again: Grandpa Two-Weeks is negotiating 200 trade deals in a world with 195 countries, because counting — like compassion, reality, and basic grammar — is apparently for losers.
Meanwhile, Chuck Schumer is out here cosplaying as Gandalf at the gates of Mordor, bravely firing off sternly-worded letters like they’re magic spells. Spoiler alert: orcs don’t read.
You almost have to admire the absurdity. It’s performance art at this point. A rotting empire, defended by men who think that tariffs with Antarctica’s penguin population are a flex, and opposed by Democrats who still believe strongly-worded letters can exorcise fascism.
The Gospel According to Virgin Monk Boy says:
"When the buffoon screams and the sages scribble, the kingdom is not yet come. Arise, ye who see through the spectacle, and make holy mischief."
We are not saved by decorum.
We are not saved by letters.
We are saved by laughing so hard at their clownery that we remember to act.
Onward, my beautiful heretics.
— Virgin Monk Boy
Excellent. Truly. I just watched conclave yesterday, which as a Catholic Buddhist who grew up with a close relative in the Franciscan order, made me laugh in spite of myself. I think you win the Internet today.
Anne, you are a treasure beyond rubies and memes.
To make a Catholic Buddhist with Franciscan blood laugh in spite of herself — now that is a miracle the Vatican will probably try to suppress by Tuesday.
Thank you for walking this ridiculous, sacred road with us.
May your days be filled with holy mischief and extremely judgmental penguins. 🐧✨
— Virgin Monk Boy
Thank you dear Virgin MB, likewise. I have to mention also that penguins are my people, I've got 30 yr old flannel penguin PJs I can't part with though are too worse for wearing...I have nothing but respect for that penguin who goes his own way in the film. He knows something isn't right for him and takes the non-path - which is maybe where we find ourselves. Without some serious imagination and prayer there but for God go all of us, and as soon as the dragon arises (she is slowly coming to) there will be myth-level mirth and divine mischief...it's already begun. Blessings on you and those you love, see you on the field, keep your sword (or light saber) sharp.
Oh wow, a marzipan dildo. That’s what I call thinking outside the box. 😆
LOL
I’m still laughing about that one, and I read it 15 minutes ago!
😂😂😂