meet Devon Archer, the GOP's latest stupid fucking nothingburger

once again, Republicans get screwed by the wingnut grievance bubble

stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

oh fuck yeah! this is going to be the big one. we’ve got Joe Biden now. we’ve got the whole corrupt Biden Crime Family. they’re all going down.

we’ve got a whistleblower and oh fucking boy is he going to nail Joe Biden to the wall. impeach! impeach! everyone’s going to prison!

of course you’ve heard this one before. you’ve heard one this over and over and over, ever since Republicans took control of the House last November.

Jim Jordan and James Comer and the whole tiresome pantload of angry dipshits hold hearing after hearing and trot out star witness after star witness and the end result is alway the same: big fat nothingburger, a bunch of grumpy and embarrassed Republicans, and it’s on to the next imaginary scandal.

you’d think they’d learn, but they never do. it’s easy to explain why: Republicans live inside the Wingnut Grievance Bubble.

I’ve written before about the Wingnut Grievance Bubble. it’s that enclosed feedback loop where fantasies, delusions, conspiracies, repugnant behavior and harebrained notions are amplified and unchallenged, causing all who dwell within to fall right on their stupid fucking faces the moment they step out into the real world.

these people watch themselves on Fox News all day long. whatever harebrained ideas rattle around in their heads are never challenged.

therefore, inside the Wingnut Grievance Bubble, everyone knows that Hunter Biden sold influence and Joe Biden took bribes because everyone knows that Hunter Biden sold influence and Joe Biden took bribes. it’s doctrine. it’s tautology. it’s an article of faith. it goes unquestioned.

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and so yesterday, Republicans trotted out their latest star witness, Devon Archer, for a closed-door meeting with the House Oversight Committee.

who is Devon Archer? per USA Today,

Archer joined the board of Burisma Holdings LLC with Hunter Biden in 2014. He also co-founded Rosemont Seneca Partners, a private equity firm, with Hunter Biden and Christopher Heinz, John Kerry’s stepson, in 2009.

Grievance Bubble Republicans were pissing themselves with glee. Devon Archer! he worked with Hunter Biden! holy shit, this is going to be the best star witness ever! Devon Archer, he’ll have proof that Hunter Biden sold influence and Joe Biden took bribes — because everyone knows that Hunter Biden sold influence and Joe Biden took bribes!

there was just one teensy-weensy problem:

Devon Archer never saw Hunter Biden selling influence, and he never saw Joe Biden taking bribes. bascially the worst thing that Hunter Biden seems to have done is that he never stopped bragging about being the son of the Vice President.

Archer testified to this.

and so, once again, Republicans left the closed-door meeting angry, confused and looking very stupid.

here’s Rep. Dan Goldman (D-NY):

“the witness [Archer] was very, very consistent that none of those conversations ever had to do with any business dealings or transactions. they were purely what he called ‘casual conversations’.”

here’s Andy Biggs (R-AZ), desperately trying to slink the fuck away from reporters asking uncomfortable questions.

reporter: “did he talk about a bribe at all — 5 million dollar bribe?”
Biggs: “he didn’t know anything about that.”
reporter: “he didn’t know anything about that?”
Biggs: “no. he didn’t know anything about that.”

so sad.

better luck with your fake scandal, idiots.