let’s laugh at the sad loser who has to pay E. Jean Carroll $83.3 million

and let’s cringe at Donny’s dead pedo bestie birthday card

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

seriously, fuck that guy.

so, yesterday started off with a bang.

‘hey, what’s 83.3 million dollars in debt and smells like an overripe diaper?’ is a question I asked on January 28th, 2024, after the judge in the Yes, You Fucking Well Raped Her Trial found Donny liable and ordered him to pay that amount to E. Jean Carroll.

Donny, as is his crybaby wont, went boo-hoo-hooing to the Second Appeals Court, arguing that he was a Very Special Boy Who Shouldn’t Ever Have To Pay — because defaming the woman he sexually abused in the 1990s was somehow an Official Presidential Act or some such incoherent nonsense.

the appeals court judges rolled their eyes and mimed jerk-off motions and slapped Donny with a writ of pay up, fuckface.

The panel held that Trump “has failed to identify any grounds that would warrant reconsidering our prior holding on presidential immunity.”

The judges also ruled that a lower federal court “did not err in any of the challenged rulings and that the jury’s damages awards are fair and reasonable.”

boo fucking hoo, Donny.

now, let’s be clear-eyed about this. we live in the shittiest possible timeline, so we all know Donny’s going to run to his hand-picked Supreme Court hacks and go ‘yo boys, do me a solid’ — and then Fishin’ Trip Sammy and Luxury Vacation Clarence and Nihilist Neil will magically come up with a rationale as to why defaming the woman their Very Special Boy raped 20 years ago is an official presidential act.

shittiest timeline gonna shittiest timeline.

but for now, let’s celebrate this little victory.

here’s the other big news from yesterday. and by big, I mean it was ginormous — because Donny’s dead pedo bestie problem just keeps getting worse.

Lawyers for Jeffrey Epstein’s estate have given Congress a copy of the birthday book put together for the financier’s 50th birthday, which includes a letter with President Trump’s signature that he has said doesn’t exist.

that’s right, we finally got a look at the actual birthday card that a smitten Donny sent to his dead pedo bestie — and it’s exactly as gross and creepy as we imagined it to be.

I don’t even want to get into the fact that this drawing of Donny’s isn’t one of a grown woman.

let’s just move on to the shit-storm that erupted in the MAGAverse when the artwork dropped. every one of these fuckbrains started screaming no! no! this can’t be!

MAGA morons everywhere — led by misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk — declared the whole thing was a fake, because no way was that Dear Leader’s signature.

“Does the below from the WSJ look like this actual signature from the President? I don’t think so at all. Fake.”

cry harder, Chuckles.

the NY Times actually committed a journalism, and did a forensic deep-dive into Donny’s signature. their conclusion? fuck off, MAGA.

this is the kind of stupid shit we now have to waste our time on — is Donny’s signature real? — because the most tiresome assclowns on the planet can’t accept the fact that their beloved Dear Leader is a skeevy degenerate.

hey, here’s another fun page from the Epstein birthday book.

it’s just Donny’s dead pedo bestie and some other wealthy sleaze, hanging out at Motel-a-Lago, joking about selling a ‘fully depreciated woman’ to Donny, for $22,500.

what the fuck does that even mean?

hilarious stuff, really. move over, Mark Twain — you’ve got some real competition down there, from the pervs in Palm Beach.

oh look, the rake-steppingest fuckwit in Congress is APPALLED.

“It’s appalling Democrats on the Oversight Committee are cherry-picking documents and politicizing information received from the Epstein Estate today.”

oh, fuck straight off, Comer Fudd. here’s what’s appalling: cherry-picking the lies that a convicted Russian spy told you in order to do a smear job on Joe Biden and his family. Comer wasted years, and millions of taxpayer dollars, on pointless hearings — and the only thing he ever proved was that Hunter Biden is the proud owner of a freakishly oversized trouser trout.

and now Comer Fudd is harrumphing about taking the high road? eat an entire bowl of fuck, Jimmy.

here’s the House’s other useless Jim, the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach. Shirt-Sleeve Jimmy just wants to move on.

Manu Raju: “don’t you want to know more about Trump’s relationship and friendship with Epstein?”

Jim Jordan: “no … I haven’t seen it, don’t buy it. [walks away]”

of course, Shouty Jim has made it his life’s work not to know more.

that’s right, good old Jimmy Jords is a creep who covered up a molestation scandal when he was a wrestling coach at Ohio State. Jim looked the other way in the shower room as the team doctor sexually assaulted his students.

so please, stop asking Jim Jordan if he wants to know more. he clearly doesn’t.

but the Crowning Moment of Dumbfuck had to be Tim Burchett’s clownish dipshittery.

Burchett: “I mean, anybody can do a signature. we’ve seen autopens used quite a bit. it was the Biden administration, so— I’ve never known Trump to be much of an artist, either, so I kind of draw that into question ... I just don’t buy it.”

Manu Raju: “you think someone might have forged this?”

Burchett: “yeah.”

oh yeah, that’s right — it was that dastardly fuckhead Joe Biden and his evil autopen. you know, for a guy who’s icky and old and smells bad because he doesn’t even realize he’s already dead, Biden sure does get around. he even went back in time twenty years so his autopen could do a nasty all over Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday book.

absolutely, that tracks. got any more fever-swamp fairy tales for us, Tim?

hey, maybe Joe Biden’s time-traveling autopen forged Barack Obama’s birth certificate. someone needs to look into this, and Tim Burchett just might be our guy.

it’s all so fucking disgraceful. in order to protect Dear Leader, the GOP has no problem hand-waving away all the sick shit a wealthy pedophile and his perv pals got up to. can’t we all just move on?

the only thing you need to know about the complete Republican meltdown over Donny’s dead pedo bestie’s birthday book is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

let’s give the final word to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, because when she’s right, she’s right.

indeed.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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