Donald Trump is fucking fucked

broke and befuddled is no way to go through life, son

hey, what’s 83.3 million dollars in debt and smells like an overripe diaper?

trick question! Little Donny Fuckface is way more than 83.3 mil in debt.

Donald Trump is headed for a world of financial hurt. let’s all have a good laugh while we take a look.

right up top, there’s the eighty-mil-plus he was ordered to pay to E. Jean Carroll in the Yes You Fucking Well Raped Her trial. he wants to appeal it, naturally, but under New York State law, he can’t do shit until he first forks over a fuckload of money to the court.

Yet the former president is still on the hook to pay something — possibly a sizable sum — while he waits. Mr. Trump can pay the $83.3 million to the court, which will hold the money while the appeal is pending.

Or, Mr. Trump can try to secure a bond, which will save him from having to pay the full amount up front.

A bond might require him to pay a deposit and offer collateral, and would come with interest and fees. It would also require Mr. Trump to find a financial institution willing to lend him a large sum of money at a time when he is in significant legal jeopardy.

that’s on top of the the $5.5 million Donny Shitstain’s already paid in the first defamation settlement.

imagine known fraudster Trump trying to find a banker dumb enough to lend him even five dollars at this point.

“[disguised voice] hello? yes, this is Donald … uh … Barron calling. let me speak with someone in your loan department. hello? hello?”

while all this plays out, they should just let E. Jean wander through Trump’s vermin-infested Florida golf motel and and point at things and go “that’s mine now.”

of course it’s all tacky gold-plated shit in there and E’s a woman of style and taste, but she should do it anyway, and then throw all that crap in a dumpster and set it the fuck on fire, just to rub it in.

but there’s an even bigger enchilada set to blow up right in Trump’s big dumb pumpkin face. Judge Engoron has said he will decide on damages in the Big Trump Family Fraud Fuckery Trial by the end of the month.

well guess what: this month ends on Wednesday — so more bad news for Donny is a-comin’ soon.

recall that Letitia James is asking for $370 million. sure, Trump will appeal that, too, but once again, he’s got to come up with the scratch first.

The judge in that case is expected to issue a decision in the coming weeks. If Mr. Trump is ordered to pay hundreds of millions of dollars, it is unclear whether he would have to sell another asset to make a payment like that.

Trump having to sell off assets — oh, that would be fucking delicious. too bad, so sad for you, Donny. look, we’re playing the world’s tiniest violin.

hey, you know who else has come a-crawlin’ with his greasy hand out?

that’s right, it’s Rudy Fucking Colludy.

Old Vodka Sweats has grown tired of searching under the couch cushions for enough change to bring to the liquor store, and so he’s coming after his deadbeat former client.

Revealingly, on page six of the filing — which asks the filer to include any potential windfalls from legal proceedings — Giuliani included a “possible claim for unpaid legal fees against Donald J. Trump,” with an assigned value of “undetermined.”

so Donny’s on the hook for hundreds of millions — and on top of that, America’s Most-Inebriated Dipshit won’t stop drunk dialing him at two in the morning to whine through his tears about not getting paid.

gosh, how could Trump have gotten himself into such a predicament? it’s hard to believe that the guy who went broke running casinos is this bad at managing his finances.

meanwhile, Joe Biden’s constant needling of Trump is doing its intended job.

If former President Donald Trump hates to be called anything, it’s a loser.

With this in mind, President Joe Biden has repeatedly labeled him as such in speeches where he reminds Trump that he lost both the popular vote and the electoral college in the 2020 election.

And now one source to Trump has confirmed to CNN that the “loser” taunt is bothering Trump.

oh poor baby — the losing loser who loses hates to be called a loser. suck it up, shitgibbon. here’s that violin again, bro.

you know what else is getting under Trump’s paper-thin skin? all the chatter about how his mind is rapidly decaying.

bragging about man-woman-personing the fuck out of that dementia test is now a standard part of Donny’s stump speech. he was at it again last night — and in typical Trump fashion, the story grows ever-more outlandish with each retelling.

“that’s all the press covered. they didn’t cover the last question: multiply 4,733, multiply it times 7, divide — without paper and pencil, by the way — divide it by 4, add up another 37 … and a half. point five, I remember that.”

and the doctors, every one of them a big strong man with tears of gratitude pooling in his eyes, came up to Donald and said sir, no one has ever done arithmetic in their head before. sir, how do you do it?

oh please. Former President Addlepate can not do complicated math in his head, and nobody outside of the slack-jawed yokels who send their disability checks to Trump’s legal defense fund believes he can.

here’s a link to the actual cognitive test that Trump keeps bragging about acing. it asks one math question: subtract 7 from 100.

sir, sir! how do you do it? [wipes away tears] sir, no one else knows it’s 93.

in the same speech, Trump continued to launch gibberish bombs.

“and we will restore on this planet, peace through earth. I am the only candidate who can make this promise to you.”

fuck you, Sleepy Brandon. can you bring peace through earth? I thought not.

and what on god’s green earth is this?

“the first non-incumpenentguu — and remember this …”

folks, Donald John Diaperstain is deteriorating before our very eyes. it’s gotten so bad that the press can no longer ignore it.

stay tuned and stock up on popcorn.