latest dipshit MAGA trucker protest implodes before it even gets started

what a surprise

gather ’round, folks, and settle in for another thrilling tale of Trump-inspired clownfuckery.

here’s how it all went down: MAGA truckers spent the weekend melting down into a big fat hissy over Judge Engoron hitting Donny with a $450 million fine.

the nerve of that goddamned Jew judge making Dear Leader pay so much money. somebody’s gotta do something.

and so they put all seventeen of their brain cells together and came up with a cunning plan.

we’re gonna boycott Jew York City. we’re gonna refuse to deliver goods and then they’ll starve to death. fuck y’all for being mean to Dear Leader.

how could a scheme like that fail, right? I mean, they had a hashtag and everything: #TruckersForTrump. shit doesn’t get more real than that.

now, every revolution needs a leader — and oh boy, did the MAGA truckers have one: some badass who calls himself Chicago Ray.

“hey folks, it’s your old pal Chicago Ray. I’ve been on the radio talking to drivers for about the last hour, hour and fifteen minutes, and I talked to at least ten drivers going the other way. I’m heading down from south Wisconsin, and uh, they’re going to start refusing loads to New York City, starting on Monday, all right? I got about three drivers that I drive with. they already [unintelligible] the boss and told him, they ain’t going New York City.”

Ray was an instant celebrity! for about eighteen hours, his face was all over Fox News.

that was Sunday. on Monday, Ray was singing a very different tune.

After calling on truckers to boycott driving to New York City in response to the civil fraud judgment that fined Trump more than $350 million last week, “Chicago Ray” has taken back his call to action. 

“I took that video down from Friday bc it went viral and my Grandson seen it on Tik Tok… I stand with Trump 100% Truckers for Trump,” a trucker known as “Chicago Ray” wrote on X, formerly Twitter on Monday morning. 

so … uh, what the fuck just happened? Ray’s not talking, aside from saying he took the video down because his grandson “seen it.”

sure, that checks out.

the best anyone can guess is that someone took Ray aside and reminded him that truckers don’t get to choose where they go. you drive where the company tells you, or you lose your job.

and so the third MAGA trucker shit-show ends as clowntastically stupid as the first two.

recall the first one, back in 2022:

a couple of years ago, a convoy of trucker fucksticks headed to Washington DC to protest covid restrictions that had already been lifted (logic is not a MAGA strong suit). they planned on heading down to Capitol Hill for a show of force, but instead they got stuck in rush-hour traffic on the beltway, became dispirited, and went home.

The May 2022 convoy ended up decamped to a parking lot in Hagerstown, MD, where QAnon disciples descended, RJK Jr.’s anti-Fauci books were given away (he couldn’t sell them), food was eaten, beer was drunk, songs were sung, arguments and fights ensued, guns appeared, and absolutely nothing was accomplished. They drove around in circles on the beltway, were cursed out by commuters for clogging up traffic, and then it finally fizzled out and dispersed. 

then there was that second one, just a couple of weeks ago, when a convoy of MAGA truckers headed to the southern border to fuck up some migrant shit.

that one failed when no actual truckers showed up. just a handful of toxic bros in pickups and jeeps ended up at the border, and when they couldn’t find a single brown-skinned person to abuse, they ended up beating the shit out of each other in a fucktangle of testosterone-fueled frustration.

you know what? maybe the MAGA truckers need a new leader. maybe flash-in-the-pan randos like Chicago Ray and those fisticuff fuckfaces in their pickups aren’t charismatic enough to head a movement.

you know who I’m thinking of, right?

of course you do. look at him. look how excited he is, just pretending to be a Big Boy Trucker, making VROOM VROOM noises and everything.

with any luck, Donny Dickstain is going to be out of a job this November — and since he’s now forbidden to do business in New York, he’s going to need a new revenue stream.

I propose that the biggest and strongest of us go up to Trump, with tears of gratitude welling up in our eyes, and beg him sir! sir! please be a trucker, sir.

it’s an idea whose time has come.

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hey, you know who else is having a Big Mad at New York right now?

that’s right, it’s Scott Adams, the Dilbert dipshit.

“I’m canceling all NYC business trips until the Trump property seizure is reversed. Also no new business with NY entities.”

this is the kind of threat that’s easy to make good on when you no longer have a career and nobody is asking you to come to New York because you’re fucking radioactive.

recall that Scott Adams’s comic strip empire imploded just about a year ago after he tweeted out a bunch of racist videos, causing newspapers to drop Dilbert like a hot potato. his syndicate shitcanned him, too, and now Adams spends his considerable free time rage-tweeting on social media.

brave stand, Scott!