dipshit vigilante truckers reach the border, shocked to find there’s no immigrant invasion

a bunch of easily-conned dopes got played

once again, the world’s most gullible imbeciles have been hoodwinked.

after listening for months to yammering blowhards on Fox News and Newsmax telling them that brown-skinned commie hordes were streaming by the millions across Sleepy Brandon’s open borders and coming to their home towns to steal their jobs and get their sisters hooked on fentanyl, these credulous numb-nuts decided to it was time to get all pro-active and shit.

we’re going down to the border, they announced, and we’re going to fuck these migrants up.

they were going down to Eagle Pass in Texas, the site of Greg Abbott’s I AM THE LAW civil-war-cosplay hissy fit, and they were going take matters into their own hands and open up a fresh can of vigilante whup-ass on these swarthy border-crossers.

I’ll drown these illegals with my own two hands if I have to!

they promised that a convoy of 700,000 patriotic truckers would mass along Rio Grande and shut that open-border shit right the fuck down — but as with anything planned and executed by these morons, it was a craptastic clown-show.

our good friend Anarchy Princess was on the scene for the start of the convoy, and did the math.

“Guys, this is the fucking convoy. That’s it. Not a semi truck in site. 19 vehicles. Anything other images you are seeing of a large group of trucks is from 2022.”

fun true fact: 19 is 699,981 fewer than 700,000.

after picking up additional stragglers along the way, about fifty vehicles finally arrived at a parking lot outside of Houston — about 336 miles from Eagle Pass — where the convoy organizer had a bit of a surprise waiting for them.

The convoy arrives and the organizer breaks the news to people that they actually aren't going to the border like they were told, instead they were going to a “children’s ranch” where they were going to “have prayer,” and exercise their first amendment rights by having a “redress of grievances against an out of control federal government.” He tells them that since God is in control, he can’t exactly tell them what it’s going to look like when they get down there.

wait, what? who is this dipshit? what’s he telling us? that we’re not going to the border and we’re not going to drown us some illegals and instead we’re going to some stupid prayer meeting?

no, fuck this shit and fuck it hard, declared the most-hard-core of the convoy, we’re going down to Eagle Pass and no god-bothering asshole is going to stop us.

so off went a handful of the dumbest — and when they finally arrived at the Pass, they were shocked to discovered that there were more vigilantes than there were migrants.

reporter: “tell me more about eye-opening. was it what you expected? is it better? is it worse?”
dipshit: “it’s not what I expected, but then again I don’t know what I expected. I can tell you it’s not as bad as what I thought, so that’s kind of eye-opening.”

but wait — you mean it wasn’t an open-border free-for-all?

“I was able to see some people actually trying to cross and stopped at the wire there.”

oh, huh. so no migrants actually got into the US. oh, gee.

you fucking idiots. you easily-gulled dopes.

you got grifted again. all you did was waste your time and give various fringe weirdos like Sarah Palin — nice boots, you irrelevant has-been — a chance for a desperate grab at a 16th minute of fame, screeching in front of a sign that boldly advertised events to take place on “February 3th.”

speaking of has-beens, know who else showed up?

good old Three Chord Nooge, delighting a crowd that numbered all the way into the tens. it was Ted’s biggest gig in years.

mind you, this isn’t the first time MAGA “truckers” have beclowned themselves in front of the entire world.

a couple of years ago, a convoy of trucker fucksticks headed to Washington DC to protest covid restrictions that had already been lifted (logic is not a MAGA strong suit). they planned on heading down to Capitol Hill for a show of force, but instead they got stuck in rush-hour traffic on the beltway, became dispirited, and went home.

The May 2022 convoy ended up decamped to a parking lot in Hagerstown, MD, where QAnon disciples descended, RJK Jr.’s anti-Fauci books were given away (he couldn’t sell them), food was eaten, beer was drunk, songs were sung, arguments and fights ensued, guns appeared, and absolutely nothing was accomplished. They drove around in circles on the beltway, were cursed out by commuters for clogging up traffic, and then it finally fizzled out and dispersed. 

keep in mind that this entire border “crisis” has been manufactured by GOP leadership in order to give Agolf Shitler an issue — something besides “I don’t want to die in prison” — to campaign on.

as I wrote two weeks ago,

by the way, House and Senate Republicans could end their manufactured “border crisis” in a hot minute, if they wanted to.

Biden has been for a long while now asking for more money for immigration judges and border security, but the congressional GOP refuses to pass the necessary legislation.

why? because Republicans don’t want to fix the border — they want to whine about the border.

they want to point at the border and say see? Sleepy Brandon wants illegals to steal your vote, or some such nonsense. it’s a cynical political ploy from the Party of Absolutely No Ideas.

now that MAGA has seen first-hand that there is no mass invasion and that the borders aren’t actually open, will these idiots finally learn their lesson and stop getting played?

no. absolutely fucking not. they’re going to let themselves get wound up all over again over the next pile of imaginary bullshit that gets shoveled in front of them — and once again, they’ll make clownshoe fools of themselves.

rinse and repeat.

because stupid doesn’t magically cure itself.