good fucking riddance to Pam Bondi

buh-bye!

holy shit, Pam Bondi has been fired from her job as head of the Department of What Used To Be Known As Justice!

now let’s react to this news with all the somber dignity it deserves. ready? here we go.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

what the fuck happened, Pam, did the Dow go below five thou—

wait, did six-time international lap hockey champion Handy Oakley already make the same obvious joke I was about to?

goddammit, that’s embarrassing. I’m going to have to up my game.

so, why did Pam get shitcanned? very likely, there was no single reason for it. the grudge-reactor inside Preznit Fuckwit’s big fat head simply hit critical mass and blew sky high.

Pam couldn’t keep the Dead Pedo Bestie Files suppressed enough, despite how hard she tried. she couldn’t get enough of Donny political enemies indicted, nor could she make any of indictments she brought stick. there’s even a cockamamie rumor that she was trying to shield Eric Swalwell from a politically-motivated investigation.

never mind that Pam did everything within her power to subvert justice in exactly the way Dear Leader expected her to. never mind that she allowed the DOJ to function as Donny’s personal law firm. never mind that she went up on Capitol Hill and humiliated herself in front Congress, slinging childish insults at lawmakers and singing Donny’s praises to high heaven. it wasn’t enough. it’s never enough. Donny is insatiable.

so Pam Bondi becomes the latest in a long line of Donny’s flunkies to pour gasoline all over their career and set it on fire. none of these shitwits ever learn. they all think they’re going to be the one to succeed where all others have failed. they’re going to be the one who will at long last be able to please Donny, and prevail.

dream on. it never happens. everyone disappoints Dear Leader eventually. it’s how malignant narcissism works.

and now, Pam’s toxic. she has no political future. she has no legal future. who’s going to hire her after shitting the bed at the DOJ? nobody. she has the Big Stinky Perma-Stain of Donny on her. she’ll be lucky to end up as a weekend legal analyst on Fox. maybe they’ll let her be their new dunk-tank clown. I hear there’s a vacancy.

hey Pam — how good are you with a skateboard?

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anyway, good fucking riddance to Pam Fucking Bondi. shed not a tear for her. she fucking sucked.

oh, but look who Pam’s interim replacement is. this festering asshole: Todd Blanche.

the homey who rose from being Donny’s personal courtroom lawyer all the way to being Donny’s personal Deputy Attorney General.

the one thing you need to know about Todd is that he, too, fucking sucks. he’s the shitbag who gave Ghislaine Maxwell that sweetheart deal in return for her shutting the fuck up forever about what she knows about Donny’s involvement with his dead pedo bestie.

lawyer for Epstein survivors: “I have very little faith. I have similar words to say about how Todd Blanche has handled this whole thing. as you stated earlier, it’s important to recall that Todd Blanche is the one that basically gave convicted child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell a platform to just deny things, say whatever she wanted, speak in praise of herself, speak in praise of Donald Trump with zero pushback. they called that an interview. that was basically just serving up a platform for a convicted child sex trafficker.”

Todd seems nice.

so don’t look for anything even approaching what looks like justice from Todd Blanche. he’s there to perform exactly as Pam Bondi did, and to continue to allow Donny to use the DOJ has his personal law firm.

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now look who’s on the short list to be Donny’s permanent head of the Department Of What Used To Be Known As Justice: Lee Zeldin, the current administrator of the Department Of What Used To Be Known As Environmental Protection. Lee, too, fucking sucks.

yes, I know what you’re going to ask me: ‘but Uncle Jeff, what does Lee Zeldin know about running the DOJ? he was a lawyer for like fifteen minutes, twenty years ago. what makes him qualified to be AG?’

oh you silly, silly goose. do you even have to ask?

what makes Lee Zeldin qualified is that he’s the loyal-est loyalist in the universe. he’ll do whatever Dear Leader says. when Donny commands him to bury the Dead Pedo Bestie Files, Lee’s only question is going to be ‘how deep?’

you don’t need to know jack shit about lawyering when your Prime Directive is to make a mockery of lawyering.

it’s the same with Piss-Drunk Pete. he doesn’t know first thing about running a military. he doesn’t have to. all he has to know is how to drop bombs on Iranian schoolgirls.

it’s the same with all of Donny’s cabinet lackies.

oh, and unlike Pam Bondi, Lee Zeldin has a dick — which apparently guarantees you a bit of longevity when it comes to keeping one’s job in the Donnyverse.

have you noticed that the only people to been jettisoned from the Confederacy of Sewer Clowns have been women? Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi. that’s it — and Tulsi Gabbard is rumored to be next.

pretty weird how our Misogynist-in-Chief has in his second term only fired the ladies. what’s that all about?

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let’s all watch Karoline Lie-vitte thoroughly debase herself and slobber all over Dear Leader’s humongous flatulent ass.

“you always want to be the most well-read person in the room, and I try to be every day. but Donald Trump always is.”

there were so many different things Karoline Leavitt could have chosen to say at that moment. there are roughly one million words in the English language — so why did she pick that particular combination of them to tumble out of her stupid smirking mouth?

does Karoline fear her job might be next to fall? is that why she’s ratcheted up the obsequious dial way past eleven, and told some ludicrous whopper about how well-read Dear Leader is?

oh, please. Donny doesn’t read. put a book down in front of Dear Leader, and the demented old fuck is likely to start gnawing on it.

in fact, Donny has never read a book in his life. here, let’s take a walk down memory lane, all the way back to 1987, when Donny showed up on Crossfire and immediately got caught lying about reading.

Pat Buchanan: “who are your favorite authors?”
Donny: “well, I have a number of favorite authors. I think Tom Wolfe is excellent.”
Buchanan: “did you read Bonfire of the Vanities?”
Donny: “I did not.”
Buchanan: “what’s the best book you’ve read?”
Donny: “I really like Tom Wolfe’s last book.”
Buchanan: “which book?”
Donny: “his current book. it’s just out.”
Buchanan: “Bonfire of the Vanities.”
Donny [points to ear]: “I really can’t hear with the earphone, by the way.”

oh gee, what a convenient time for the earpiece to fail.

what a cheap, gaudy bullshitting asshole. the more things change, the more they stay the same, isn’t it infuriatingly true?

this guy has bluffed his way through his entire life, all the way from being a slumlord from Queens to being president of the United States — just by making it up as he goes along.

it’s fucking maddening.

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and now, here’s your daily dose of What The Actual Fuck™.

look at what Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants posted to his crappy app.

“Davy Crockett, obviously a distant relative of Jasmine Crockett, and a very High IQ Frontiersman, would be proud of the legacy that he began long ago, and especially Jasmine’s Great Success as a Politician from the Great State of Texas! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

accompanying the text is audio of the Davy Crockett Show theme song.

say it with me now, everyone: What The Actual Fuck™?

what is the point of this? clearly, Donny believes he’s somehow mocking Jasmine Crockett — check and mate, Jasmine, booyah! — but he’s not. whatever joke he imagines he’s constructed here has missed its mark. on what planet is this funny, or even mildly amusing?

nobody can figure this out. even Ted Cruz’s rapid response guy is mystified.

there’s one simple explanation for Donny’s post, and I’m sorry that I have to be the one to break this to the MAGAsphere: Dear Leader’s brain is cooked. it’s gone fuckity-bye.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.