don’t wake the elderly fuckwit, Peace Board™ meetings make him sleepy

different day, same batshittery

Donny Convict’s latest foreign-policy grift, the Board of Peace™ — the for-profit dime-store United Nations knock-off where Donny gets to be Board President forever, has veto power over everything, and gets to pocket each country’s billion-dollar initiation fee — held its very first meeting yesterday.

here’s how it went: it was a three-ring fucking clown show. it was really no different from a glorified cabinet meeting. it followed the exact same template as when Donny sits down in the Oval Bordello with his various Secretaries of Stupidity — complete with the thing where they go around the room and everyone tries to outdo each other with outlandish, over-the-top praise of Dear Leader.

Kazakstan President Kassym-Jomart Tokayev: “I also would like to propose to establish a special President Trump award of the Board of Peace to recognize his outsanding peace-building efforts and achievements. I’m confident, Mr. President, that under your strong leadership, the Board of Peace will successfully deliver its great, noble mission.”

President Tokayev understands how this game his played: gin up some cheesy fake-gold trinket, award it to Dear Leader, and he’ll be putty in your hands.

fuck, Donny’s such an easily-conned shitwit that you could win him over by spray-painting macaroni and awarding it to him as the Chef Boyardee Peace Prize™.

hang that around your neck, dumbfuck.

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Preznit Fuckwit has boasted that his Board of Peace is ‘the most impressive and consequential Board ever assembled,’ and that ‘there has never been anything like it!’ — but he’s just carnival barking. here’s what it really is: a fucktangle of failed states, autocracies, D-list fiefdoms, and tinpot dictatorships — all of whom joined out of a need to curry favor with Dear Leader.

Heather Cox Richardson, tell the nice people at home about all the countries that have joined up.

The countries participating include Albania, Argentina, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Belarus, Bulgaria, Cambodia, Egypt, El Salvador, Hungary, Indonesia, Israel, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kuwait, Kosovo, Mongolia, Morocco, Pakistan, Paraguay, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, and Vietnam.

who know who hasn’t bothered to join? any actual Western-style democracy. France told Donny to fuck off. so did Germany. the UK, too. Donny threw a massive shit-fit when Canada’s Mark Carney told Donny to take a flying leap. Austria, Greece, Ireland, Italy, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Slovenia, Sweden, and Ukraine — none of them want any part of this Peace Board™ dumb-assery. the most recent person to tell Donny to sit on it and twirl was the Pope.

Pope Leo XIV will not be joining US President Donald Trump’s “Board of Peace,” the Vatican’s top diplomat said Tuesday, adding that the United Nations should be left to handle crisis situations.

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yesterday’s Peace Board™ meeting was held at the Donald J. Trump U.S. Institute of Peace — which by the way, you can get to via the Donald J. Trump Toll Bridge, which is indeed a fitting tribute.

when it was finally Donny’s turn to speak, he swiftly turned the whole event into one more Airing of Every Tiresome Grievance.

“… closely working with the United Nations. I’ve had a good relationship — other than at my last speech they did turn off my teleprompter. I got up there — my teleprompter didn’t work! I’m sitting in front of all of you people and more. I had no teleprompter. I knew I was in trouble ’cause I’m walking up — you know the teleprompters are [unintelligible] I had the most beautiful speech [unintelligible] was all set to knock ’em dead. first I had an escalator that stopped, y’know. going up, boom. it’s lucky my movie star first lady was in front of me. because I put my hand on a certain part of her body and I was able to stop my fall."

oh my dear sweet lord, Donny is still Big Mad about the time he got esaclatored to smithereens! I’d forgotten all about Donny’s harrowing battle with the United Nations’ Deadly Escalator To Hell — but apparently Donny hasn’t forgotten — or forgiven.

by the way, Donny never laid a hand on the Slovenian rent-a-wife who married him for his money, recoils at his touch, never smiles in his presence, refuses to share his bed, and sits in her room, counting every second until she becomes a wealthy widow. despite Donny’s claim that he put his hand ‘on a certain part of her body,’ Donny aat all times kept a death-grip railings. he knew full well that if he had touched Melania, she’d have turned around and clocked him upside the noggin.

but wait, is that the whole reason we now have a Board of Peace™? because Donny’s getting back at the UN for treating him so unfairly? what a tiny, petty homunculus.

oh look, Donny is still mad at Norway, too.

“I want to thank Gianni and FIFA for all of the wonderful things they did, and are doing. they gave me their first Peace Prize. they gave me a peace prize. I think they saw that I got screwed by Norway and they said ‘let’s give him a peace prize.’ I mean thank you, Gianni, I appreciate it.”

how clownfuckingly hilarious is it that Donny imagines that he won FIFA’s ‘first’ Peace Prize? free clue, dipshit: there’s never going to be a second FIFA Peace Prize, it’s a thing they made up just to keep you from shitting your pants in anger.

but wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, WAIT A GODDAMNED MINUTE. why was Gianni Infantino — the president of FIFA — was at yesterday’s Peace Board™ meeting? is Donny under the impression that FIFA — the International Association Football Federation — is a country? ‘fuck you, Canada. who needs you in my Peace Board™? I’ve got FIFA!’

what a fucking moron.

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now let’s answer the one burning question that I know is on all of your minds: did Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants fall asleep in the middle of his own meeting? of fucking course he did.

he was out like a light. look at this:

it was only eleven o’clock in the morning, but everyone’s favorite narcoleptic fart factory was audibly sawing logs and filling the room with the piquant aroma of ass music.

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

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now let’s all enjoy United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee trying to tell a joke in front of the Peace Board™ and falling flat on his furniture-schtupping face.

“I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but after the president said that I was so smart [no one laughs] and that I didn’t want to repeat our congresswoman who froze for twenty seconds over in Munich. [more silence] now I’m tempted just to freeze. [more silence] twenty seconds. [still no one is laughing] stare at the cameras [more silence] and maybe they’ll say nice things about me like they say about Congresswoman Cortez. [still no laughter]”

this guy is so repellent. wouldn’t you have loved to watch Couchfuck try and fail to mingle and make small-talk backstage before the event?

‘so, how long have you been the leader of Azerbaijan? HA HA THAT’S GREAT.’

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here’s your photo of the day.

that’s the Andrew Formerly Known As Prince, after being released from police custody following his arrest. this is what accountability looks like. this is the face you make when you’ve gone from fucking around to finding out.

which brings us to this moment directly follwing the Peace Board™ meeting, when reporters caught up with Donny aboard Fuckface Force One. they had only one thing on their minds: what did Donny think of the arrest of the Not-A-Prince Andy?

Peter Doocy: “…the former Prince Andrew arrested by the police there, um, related to something, Jeffrey Epstein. do you think people in this country, at some point, associates of Jeffrey Epstein, will wind up in handcuffs, too?”

Donny: “well, you know I’m the expert in a way because I’ve been totally exonerated. it’s very nice. I can actually speak about it very nicely. I think it’s a shame … I did nothing.”

wait, Donny thinks he’s been exonerated? seriously?

fact check: look, Donny. your dumb-ass claim is even making your dead pedo bestie laugh.

but here’s how you know that Andrew’s arrest has Donny rattled: he’s promising to release all government files pertaining to UFOs — which is a distraction he pulls out of his ass every time talk of the Epstein Files get a little too real for comfort.

yeah, right. as I wrote the last time Donny started gibbering about UFOs,

oh, do fuck straight off. seriously? unless you’ve got proof that Jeffrey Epstein came from Planet Pedophile in the far-away Kiddie-Fiddler Galaxy — and brought Donny with him — I don’t give a shit about any UFO evidence.

release the full, unedited Epstein Files, you fucking fucks.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.