at the United Nations on Tuesday, as America’s Fuckwit-in-Chief was blithering incoherently about Chinese wind and hell-bound countries and how awesome it is to bomb the shit out of fishing boats and how he deserves all the Nobel Peace Prizes and how everyone at the UN is a poopyhead for not letting him renovate their building, a foreign diplomat took out his phone and texted the following to an American journalist.
“This man is stark, raving mad. Do Americans not see how embarrassing this is?”
you know me, I love a good game of Easy Questions, Easy Answers — so allow me, if you will, to take my best shot.
YES, WE CAN ALL SEE THAT DONNY IS STARK BARKING BONKERS, AND WE’RE ALL FUCKING EMBARRASSED.
well, obviously, not the cultists, they eat this shit up — but to the other 70% of us who aren’t brain dead, we know it. we’re the ones who have to sit here, day after day, as the firehose of batshit gets sprayed point-blank into our faces.
I mean, check out what a lunatic looks like when he’s lunaticking at warp factor nine.
dear lord, what a fucking snowflake. a snowflake like no one’s even seen before. maybe the flakiest snowflake of all time.
grow the fuck up, bro. do you think Teddy Roosevelt would have been spooked by an escalator? absolutely not. just look at this homey.
T-Rose would have punched the shit out of those balky autostairs.
oh joy, President Pudding Cup is demanding to speak to the United Nations’ manager.
I’m sending a copy of this letter to the Secretary General, and I demand an immediate investigation.
yeah, you do that, Commander Crazypants. you send your strongly-worded letter. I’m sure Secretary General António Guterres can’t wait to roll his eyes, mime jerk-off motions, and toss it into the nearest trashcan.
EscalatorGate™ is now in its third day and shows no sign of abating — and in typical Donny carnival-barker style, the story of how an escalator briefly turned into stairs gets more outlandish with each retelling.
the escalator going up to the Main Speaking Floor came to a screeching halt. It stopped on a dime. It’s amazing that Melania and I didn’t fall forward onto the sharp edges of these steel steps, face first.
that’s right, Melania came this close to a brush with the United Nations’ patented Whirling Blades of Death.
as we discussed yesterday, no one was ever in any danger — but by next week, Donny’s going to be telling us that his Slovenian rent-a-wife had to somersault past laser beams — which, by the way, is a thing she can do because of the ninja training she received, while also learning to speak five languages (none of them English).
you’ll be shocked to learn that Donny is screaming LOCK THEM UP!
The people that did it should be arrested!
Donny, are the people who should be arrested in the room with us right now? actually in this case, they are — because it was Donny’s own videographer who ran up the the damned thing backwards and tripped the motion detector that stopped the escalator.
so sure, let’s arrest this poor unfortunate soul. no, wait — mere arrest isn’t adequate punishment for the person who dared inconvenience Dear Leader for an entire thirty seconds. let’s go all-in. let’s draw and quarter them as a vivid warning to any future frisky videographers. don’t you dare trip no fucking motion sensors, pal.
so, to get back to the foreign diplomat’s question — yes, we can all see how embarrassing this is, that our president is a weak and small man who can’t just laugh off a common mishap that we’ve all experienced, and is driven by his increasing insanity to create a pathetic spectacle.
and, as always, the only thing you really need to know about EscalatorGate™ is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
any sane country would have 25th Amendmented the fuck out of Dear Leader before he’d even had a chance to finish that batshit speech — but we don’t live in a sane country.
we live in a country that has built an entire propaganda infrastructure just to keep a cranky toddler from melting down and throwing ketchup bottles.
Donny’s UN address was received in silence. no one said a word — they just looked on in stunned horror as the Mad King gibbered like a loon.
in order to keep Dear Leader from going ape-shit about it, one of Donny’s own sewer clowns, Energy Secretary Chris Wright, had to go on Fox News and explain to the Audience of One watching in the White House how everyone wanted to cheer, but they couldn’t — because were afraid to. yeah, that’s it. that’s a credible explanation.
“everyone was listening ... I think a lot of the world, maybe weren’t brave enough to cheer like that during his speech.”
where have I heard this kind of gaslighting before? oh right —
so again, yes, Ambassador, we are all embarrassed that our president can’t face unpleasant news and has to be coddled like a colicky infant.
wouldn’t you love it if our own worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press were as honest as their foreign counterparts?
let me just take this moment to remind every reporter that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 2004th day.
and yes, Ambassador, we’re all fucking embarrassed that our president is, as the Daily Mirror puts it, a “deranged man-baby.”
there’s a new “Presidential Walk of Fame” in the White House — and you’ll be shocked to learn that it’s childish as fuck.
here’s what Margo Martin not-tweeted from her official White House account.
no, let’s not “wait for it,” let’s just skip ahead and reveal that Joe Biden’s presidential portrait has been replaced with a photo of an autopen.
ha ha ha ha ha ha! get it? get it? it’s because Joe Biden’s autopen actually ran the country! isn’t that a fucking knee-slapper? isn’t that the funniest thing ever?
what’s the word I’m groping for here, as the entire world bears witness to a president — nay, to an entire White House staff — this petty, childish and spiteful?
oh right: embarrassing.
but, as always, please keep in your mind these sacred words from the Sermon on the Mount: blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet.
oh, and Mr. Ambassador?
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
850 / 939
Because Trump mouthanus is circling the drain over the shut down and everything else, and it’s a big game of chicken as to what’s gonna happen with the shutdown https://thistleandmoss.com/p/the-trump-shutdown-the-ultimate-bukkake
The shutdown is going to cause mass firing among multiple agencies, and the truth of the matter is Trump won’t be able to avert responsibility because he’s the one steering the GOP into not negotiating over the government shutting down. All the while he is starting to fall apart because he’s trying to attain more and more power, likely because he assumes that it’s not long before the entire country turns against him.
I have to point out that when Ted Cruz came out and said that no person should be prosecuted for free speech, that was a bad sign for Trump
Outstanding work today, JT.