we all need a Good News Wednesday

it’s been a tough week. here are three items to brighten your mood

there’s an old joke about the power of optimism. it goes something like this:

a guy out for a walk passes by a field. in the middle of the field is this ginormous pile of horse shit — six, maybe seven feet tall — and there’s a small boy, down on his knees, enthusiastically digging into this pile of shit with his bare hands. this kid is having the time of his life, giggling excitedly to himself while he digs, flinging shit left and right. the guy watches this for a while and finally calls out, hey kid — what the fuck are you doing?

the kid replies, all this horse shit, there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere.

today we’re going pony hunting.

Judge Chutkan could hold mini-trials before the election.

with their No One Is Above The Law Except Little Donny Fuckface ruling, the six bought-and-paid-for Federalist Society hacks on the Supreme Court have guaranteed that the Big Trump D.C. Election Fuckery trial won’t take place any time soon — but that doesn’t mean it’s game over.

it’s now up to Judge Chutkan to decide whether all the shit Donny pulled while trying to overturn the election he lost are official acts or unofficial acts — and she could do this by holding “mini-trials.”

here’s legal analyst Katie Phang to explain.

Phang suggested Chutkan would jump into the case with both feet immediately, after all of the delays.

“I believe, as do others, that Judge Chutkan will be told she needs to make a determination as to what conduct that is alleged in the indictment is quote ‘official acts as president’ and what conduct is quote ‘unofficial acts.’ The unofficial acts do not get the immunity.”

“I’m a believer and I've been pushing this idea you will see an evidentiary hearing that Judge Chutkan will do and I think very quickly, she's going to put the pedal to the metal on this,” she added.

“And the evidence you’ll be hearing will be an opportunity for special counsel Jack Smith to present the entirety of the indictment because I believe the indictment against Donald Trump is all unofficial acts; none of that was kosher, none of it was supposed to happen, it was all illegal.”

and it’s not just Katie Phang saying this —

here’s why this is a pony: a “mini-trial” would allow Jack Smith to get all his evidence out in the open, and into the headlines.

Jack Smith can’t wait to do this. he’s got evidence up the wazoo — interviews, recordings, depositions, emails, texts — the whole fucking enchilada.

the evidence he presents will be all over the news — in August, September and October, as the election draws closer.

it’s not as good as a formal trial and a final verdict, but it’s the next best thing.

now, this next story, I can already hear you asking Uncle Jeff, how the fuck could this one possibly be a pony? trust me, it’s in there.

Judge Merchan moves Donny Convict’s sentencing to September 18.

The judge overseeing former President Donald Trump’s criminal hush money case in New York has postponed sentencing to Sept. 18, according to a letter sent to the parties.

The move came after the Manhattan district attorney’s office said earlier Tuesday it would not oppose Trump’s request to file a motion arguing that his hush money conviction should be tossed based on Monday’s Supreme Court ruling on presidential immunity.

Judge Merchan, in his response Tuesday, signaled to the parties that he would rule on Trump’s motion to set aside his conviction on Sept. 6.

I know, I know. I’m as disappointed as you are. we were all really looking forward some good news next week, on the original sentencing date of July 11 — but here’s why this one’s a pony.

this is a complete hail-Mary move by Trump. it hasn’t a snowball’s chance of succeeding. as I wrote yesterday, this quote-unquote immunity claim has already had the living fuck adjudicated out of it.

the crimes for which Donny was convicted were commited before he was president. he already tried to pull the I have immunity bullshit before the trial and was told by the court to go fuck himself.

a federal judge — Alvin Hellerstein — had already ruled that presidential immunity didn’t apply.

Hellerstein also found that immunity does NOT apply because the alleged campaign corruption and cover up were purely personal & political. It had nothing to do w/Trump’s official duties—which of course is exactly the test that SCOTUS established today

Judge Merchan also told Donny to fuck straight off.

Despite losing, Trump tried again before Judge Merchan. He slapped the motion down for being untimely & then on the merits. He also agreed these were personal & political acts NOT official

Donny doesn’t have a case.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that Judge Merchan will listen patiently as Todd Blanche goes wah wah wah wah wah wah wah and then say nice try, fuck-o. denied. see you on the 18th for sentencing.

pony time: September 8th is that much closer to the election. it’ll be in the news at a time when the general public will be paying more attention to political stories.

now here’s a story that’s all pony and no horse shit.

Rudy Colludy has been disbarred.

The New York state Supreme Court on Tuesday disbarred former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani over his part in Donald Trump’s election interference efforts in 2020.

The long-expected disbarment of Trump’s most high-profile lawyer, which is effective immediately, is a major blow to the former public official at a time he faces fallout for spreading lies about the 2020 election. In addition to losing his law license – which is likely to be recognized across the country – Giuliani is in bankruptcy after landing $150 million in debt for defaming two election workers, and faces several other lawsuits against him as well as criminal charges.

good. fuck that washed-up old rummy. Rudy was allowed to fuck around for far too long, and there cannot be enough finding out. bye-bye law career. bye-bye possessions, as all Rudy’s shit gets seized and sold off to pay the million he owes Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss for ruining their lives.

let him do his shitty podcast from a cardboard box under a bridge abutment.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.