rotting meat-sack Steve Bannon went to prison and MAGA lost their shit

and Little Donny Fuckaround is a Very Special Boy

yesterday was Find Out Day for semi-sentient compost heap Little Stevie Fuckaround.

accompanied by his besties — convicted felon Bernie Kerick and walking human rights violation Erik Prince — Steve Bannon arrived at the federal prison in Danbury and surrendered himself to the authorities — but not before attempting to turn the whole thing into a vengeance-is-mine spectacle.

Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene showed up, because of course she did. did you actually think this feral attention hog would remain in Washington and do her job?

fat chance, bro — not when there’s a camera to stand in front of. but there was one wee bit of a problem: the counter-protestors out-noised the motley crowd of MAGA cultists who showed up to support their decomposing hero.

check out Marge and Steve as they fruitlessly try to hold a press conference. you can’t make out a single fucking thing they’re saying.

too bad, so sad.

but I know what you’re desperately dying to know: was Anarchy Princess on the scene? fuck yeah, she was.

in fact, it was Anarchy Princess who supplied the cowbell that helped drown out Marge and Steve’s pity party.

Blackwater founder/war criminal Erik Prince has a stern warning for the Danbury prison guards.

“and I would also say: we turn my friend Steve Bannon over to the guards at the prison here. we will be here in four months to collect him in good health, maybe a little thinner and in better shape, but we expect they take good care of him, or there will be accountability for that as well.”

oh my god. can you people just try for one second to get the fuck over yourselves?

nothing’s going to happen to Rotting Stevie Three Shirts while he’s in Danbury. it’s a minimum-security prison that’s known as a relatively cush destination, as far as lockups go.

Danbury resident Ian Bick served time at FCI Danbury for wire fraud, and now hosts a podcast called “Locked In with Ian Bick .”

FCI Danbury has its perks. There is a bakery, Bick said, and a decent commissary and comparatively small population.

“Danbury’s kind of known as a sweet spot because there’s not a lot of inmates there,” Bick said.

“I wouldn’t even be surprised if, because he’s kind of famous, they’ll put them in protective custody because it’s such a short sentence,” he said.

“The whole atmosphere changes, like, the warden comes up more. Security’s higher whenever there’s a celebrity coming because (celebrity news site) TMZ will be out there,” he said. “It’s a whole different experience.”

“He’ll be treated a lot better, like any of these (other) celebrities that go to prison,” Bick said. “The biggest difference will be when he self-surrenders. During the intake process, he will be there alone. They won’t put him with anyone and it’ll be a private thing. They’ll keep it under wraps.”

so let’s dispense with the theatrics, Erik, and stop threatening to rain down retribution on the guards. they’re just doing their fucking jobs.

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something else happened in the news yesterday. what was it again? oh, right:

the Supreme Court ruled that Little Donny Fuckaround is indeed a Very Special Boy who never has to Find Out.

hey, remember when all those bought-and-paid-for Supreme Court Justices promised during their confirmation hearings that Roe v Wade was settled law, and told us to just calm down, nothing bad was going to happen?

remember how that turned out? ha ha fuck you and fuck your Roe v Wade, we just smothered it in its sleep. enjoy bleeding out in emergency rooms, ladies.

well, you’ll never guess what: reproductive rights weren’t the only thing these corrupt shitbags were lying about.

“no one’s above the law in the United States … under the Constitution, the president is not above the law. no one is above the law … the president remains subject to the law.”

that was Blackout Brett Kavanaugh at his confirmation hearing in 2018. he took time out from rhapsodizing about his undying affection for beer to swear up and down that presidents are just like any other citizen, and bound by the laws of our nation.

oopsies!

oh look — Steal Stoppin’ Sammy is also a fucking liar.

“I don’t think the president is above the law … there is nothing that is more important for our republic than the rule of law. no person in this country, no matter how high or powerful, is above the law.”

that was Fishin’ Trip Sammy, during his 2006 confirmation hearing.

it turns out that no president is above the law, except when it’s Dear Leader — because he’s a Very Special Boy.

it only took about ten seconds after yesterday’s ruling for Donny Convict to start claiming total immunity for everything he’s done in his entire sleazy crime-infested life.

Donald J. Trump began an effort on Monday to throw out his recent criminal conviction in Manhattan and postpone his upcoming sentencing, citing a new Supreme Court ruling that granted him broad immunity from prosecution for official actions he took as president, according to a person with knowledge of the matter.

In a letter to the judge overseeing the case, Mr. Trump’s lawyers sought permission to file a motion to set aside the verdict, doing so just hours after the Supreme Court issued its landmark ruling involving one of Mr. Trump’s other criminal cases. The letter will not be public until Tuesday at the earliest, after which prosecutors will have a chance to respond.

this fucking guy. he never stops trying to weasel out of accountability.

never mind that the crimes for which Donny was convicted were commited before he was president. never mind that he already tried to pull the I have immunity bullshit before the trial and was told by the court to go fuck himself.

never mind that a federal judge — Alvin Hellerstein — had already ruled that presidential immunity didn’t apply.

Hellerstein also found that immunity does NOT apply because the alleged campaign corruption and cover up were purely personal & political. It had nothing to do w/Trump’s official duties—which of course is exactly the test that SCOTUS established today

never mind that Judge Merchan also told Donny to fuck straight off.

Despite losing, Trump tried again before Judge Merchan. He slapped the motion down for being untimely & then on the merits. He also agreed these were personal & political acts NOT official

never mind any of that. Donny demands a mulligan — because what part of I’m A Special Boy do you need explained?

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hey, you know who else was given total immunity to fuck around without finding out? of course you do.

Hitler replaced all the judges with his loyalists. After that, everything Hitler did was legal. Opposing him was illegal. And that was the end of German democracy and the birth of Hitler’s dictatorship. A leader who is above the law is the definition of a dictator.

there’s no putting a happy face on this — the situation is very bad.

it’s super fucking easy to sink into a pit of despair as a result, but please don’t.

there’s a way out of the darkness: we must all rise up as one defeat Donny Fuckaround in November.

warn everyone you know about the nightmare of Project 2025. make sure everyone you know is registered to vote — and does vote.

and then, when Donny is prevented from becoming God-Emperor for Life, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

we can do this. we have to do this.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.