108 Comments

You had it right. If you pitched ANY of these ideas to a Hollywood producer, you’d get laughed at. The GQP is a clown car, engulfed in flames, tearing across a broken down railway trestle with a trunk full of diesel fuel and fertilizer. What could possibly go wrong?!??

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Great visual! ty!

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OMG I am rolling on the floor laughing. What a great way to start ending a year full of really crappy awful stuff, which is to be continued, but meanwhile, we have high humor here to lift your spirits and an ex president who the entire world is hearing smells bad, you know, like doodoo bad. And the nice thing about this is like the thing you can't unsee, the bell you can't unring. There's no going back from this and from now on forevermore, there will be articles and stories and even books about Donald Trump including that he smells like shit combined with hair gel and strange face makeups and doodads. He is now that guy who smells stinky and you just know this is going to bug him more than most things because he does know, he can't even mention it because it will live bigger if he does and will enter comedy routines all over the world instantly. He will be laughed at for stinking. hahahahahaha I can't wait.

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Give yourself a New Year’s treat and

Listen to Siri read Jeff’s post to you today!

Siri’s snarky, smirky, deadpan delivery will leave you on the floor.

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Thank you for that awesome suggestion! I had never tried listening to a newsletter before - I’m pretty sure nobody else’s would sound as hilarious as Jeff’s. What a hoot!

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In case this helps:

What I meant by “have Siri read to you”

… just tap the “play” icon (rightward-pointing triangle) at the top-right margin of the title screen of the post, and then Siri graciously reads the post aloud, *including* all Jeff’s favorite adjectives, without pausing to blush.

This works for any any Substack post, except for some for which you are not yet a paying subscriber.

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Ah, on my phone. Okay.

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Oh, great some directions. I need directions.

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I don't have that triangle.

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Oh, darn, Chris, you're calling on me to up my tech game again. LOL. I was hoping to cruise thru to 2024 without having to once more do that! But I'm going to give it a good try because I like being on the floor!

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Now I wish I had an iPhone 😫

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And he will also be laughed at for being indicated.

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Put that right next to "smelly indicatement", like, gee, I wonder if he appeared to be indicted while smelling. Hey, wonder if the judge could smell him.. Which just a funny little sideline I am working on a livestreaming trial I'm editing and I'm told the major parties to the case fart their way through each day of trial and no. one. says. anything, so this makes this very likely to me.

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As I said before, I'd pay for gallery tickets in the courtroom just to see his lawngroomer ask for a diaper break.

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Nice recap from Jeff to remind us about all the crazy ass shit these amoeba-brained bottom feeders did during the course of the year. As we get closer to November, the GOP lunacy, bizarreness and that smell of shit is only going to get thicker.

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I have a bumper sticker that reads “ Warning. I brake for amoeba.” 🤣

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I routinely enrich my daily commutes by listening to Siri reading me posts from favorite Substack writers… except it’s fairly risky to hear Siri’s rendition of Jeff’s prose, because I’ll laugh so hard I almost drive into a ditch.

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I really needed to see the guy with the pig head on a stick this morning because, well, I've been pretty fucking grumpy and that image just cheered me right up!!! Who the fuck ARE these guys?

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I am laughing every time I see that photo now burned into my brain. Hilarious!

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Love the drag queens beating up the proud boys--go girls!

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That made me proud to be a New Yorker.

Okay, New Jerseyite these days (a PATH ride away from Greenwich Village), but in my heart I live in New York City.

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We definitely need more of that!

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Ahhhh... what a walk down memory lane. Ron DeChickenfucker, The Yodeler, Missouri (my sad home state) hotline, Enjoy Your Piss Chris.... a sad commentary on the state of humanity in America. BUT... the laughter it brings is priceless.🤣🤣🤣🤣

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If the orange pigfucker gets re-elected, Jeff can help us laugh ourselves to death before the gas chambers.

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Ooooooooh!! Gas chambers! Kidding-on-the-mark, eh?! Very powerful! A stiletto to the heart! Very funny! [And having said that, he collapsed and died silently, with a pained but peaceful smile.]

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My question is; Is 2024 the year of the Lizard Man or the year of the Chickenfucker?😎😎

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Good question.

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How does this unreliable fuckface even have a following? Because he's the funniest political writer in America.

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author

Charlie Pierce would like to have a word with you

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I appreciate your modesty, but you deliver way more laughs per article imho.

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No, you really are the BEST. It occurred to me yesterday that you are providing intelligence and truth with comedy that I have missed greatly since Jon Stewart left his nightly show. He got us through the Bush years and has continued to do great things. Now You’re getting us through this shit show. Thank you 🙏🏻 .

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Is Charlie Pierce on Substack? I used to follow him on That Other App - I miss him, and Tom Nichols.

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LOL!!

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In such a large field of utter stupidity, I couldn’t decide who the academy award should go to for best performance by a raging asshole. I guess participation ribbons for everyone.

PS Award for a usual jerk who actually did something good: Republican Gov. Mike DeWine vetoed a measure Friday that would have banned gender-affirming care for minors and transgender athletes’ participation in girls and women’s sports

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Thanks for that information on DeWine! I live in Ohio and was hoping that he would do the right thing. I like him just a smidge more than yesterday but, I still won't vote for him.

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Alas, the R's in the state houses have enough votes to override the veto. But it is worth noting when any R does something sensible.

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Just read that on Huff-Po. Amazing things can happen but is he veto proof?

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No, unfortunately.

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I was afraid that was the case since it’s an all red state now.

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It's a gerrymandered state, similar to Wisconsin.

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And NC and GA and so many others!

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SPW, they do have a good senator though in Sherrod Brown.

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Yes, they do!!

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Oh God! The transgender dog had me lol with tears in my eyes! I need to Google all of the prank calls they received for some great comic entertainment. And yeah - wtf is with that underwear on the outside of notdonaldtrump about? Looks like he’s on the toilet, pants and panties outside-in. Weird.

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I think it was done with AI, only has slacks on his left leg, the right leg looks bare. AI does that a lot - nonsensical details...lol. 😆

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Just woke up this Friday not in a great mood and with headache, that changed fast by reading you Jeff and spitting coffee All over and basically wetting my pijama: you are hysterically funny and the light of my day❤️❤️💙💙💙💙🔥🔥🔥🔥

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Lizards, chicken-fuckers, sporkfoots, piss boys, piss drinkers, etc. Welcome to Dumbfuckistan. (It would be nice if Ron the Lizard Man would have eaten Piers Morgan).

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Jeff, you are the highlight of my day! Thanks for all of the work you do to keep us informed. 😊

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Geez- how much more dumb shit can we take?!?!?!?! So much to choose from!🤔

Great post-forgot about some of that!

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You could strap dynamite to your forehead and roll around in a campfire and still not look as dumb as the average Republican that's even once ever in front of a camera.

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LOL!!!

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The Proud Tots got their asses handed to them. If that’s not true justice, I don’t know what is. I hope a few of them ate their teeth.

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They should get their asses kicked every time they show their faces.

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I have a Bluesky invite code. Interested?

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Yes

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bsky-social-ogn4z-g3g4j

Happy New Year! 🥳

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Got it. Happy New Year.🥳🥳

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Anybody can see that code in the comments and use it.......

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I had forgotten about the Proud Boys getting beat up by drag queens in NYC, but thanks for the reminder.

Karma is indeed a bitch, and she's wearing stilettos and a fabulous wig!

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The hits just keep on coming. We follow you despite anything. Around here one can't predict the weather except it will be bad sooner or later. Probably sooner. One can't predict our legal system because it often seems to be setup for the rich. So the wheels of justice turn very slowly.

I have faith in America, and I know that the wingnut dipshits will come up with weird ideas as long as they get any attention.

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