this week in stupid: September 23 edition
Tim Scott regrets, Matt Gaetz forgets, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: … in Canada
fringe candidate Tim Scott has a problem: he’s never going to be president.
no wait, Tim Scott has another, much stupider problem: he might be gay.
it’s maddening that this is even a problem. if Tim Scott were a Democrat, he could be open about his sexuality — Dems don’t give a shit who loves who. but Tim is a member of the Racist Homophobe Party, and it’s problematic enough that he’s black. being gay would be strikes two and three.
so Tim has to humiliate himself by going on TV and pretending that he and his imaginary girlfriend are very much in love and yes, they go on actual dates and everything.
hey Tim, can we meet your girlfriend? sorry, no, she goes to another school. in Canada.
monday: meet the most well-regulated militia ever
“relax, I don’t know how to do this.”
this coming civil war is going to be fucking awesome.
tuesday: what the hell is that?
it’s no secret that Matt Gaetz hates Kevin McCarthy’s guts.
it seems that on Tuesday, Matt went wandering around the House of Representatives, scattering copies of a resolution to remove McCarthy.
one copy was found on a baby changing table in a restroom. ok, fine. that’s all well and good. but we need to know more about that lower right photo.
to the left of what seems to be an iced coffee … is that …
… two lines of white powder? hey Matt, did you leave something behind?
wednesday: maybe Jr’s password shouldn’t have been ilovecocaine
Wednesday morning we woke up to find a bunch of bizarre Don Jr. posts on not-twitter.
Individual-1 Junior claims that his account was hacked — and maybe it was. but Sniffy Don also could have been posting while coked to the fucking gills. how would we even be able to tell the difference?
thursday: welcome to lunch in Joe Biden’s hellish inflationscape
a super fun game that wingnuts like to play is to post a picture of some consumer item, claim it cost a skillion dollars, and blame it all on life in Joe Biden’s dystopian hellscape.
increasingly-irrelevant New York Times columnist David Brooks decided to get a piece of this action, snapping a pic of his lunch and posting “this meal just cost me $78 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible.”
what Brooks and his ilk always forget is that we’re all on the same internet they are, and these ridiculous claims are just way too easy to debunk.
folks on social media quickly determined where Brooks had eaten, checked the menu and did the math. Brooks’s burger and fries cost $17 — a bit pricey, but come on, you’re in a fucking airport, what did you expect — which means what Brooks was really complaining about was his $61 glass of top-shelf single malt. for chrissakes, David, you parsimonious dipshit, next time just get a glass of water and shut the fuck up.
even the restaurant, 1911 Smokehouse Barbecue, dunked on Brooks:
hell, even John Fetterman got in on the act:
as we noted yesterday, he’s so fucking good at this.
friday: Charlie Kirk figures it out
on Friday, Democratic Senator Bob Menendez got indicted for bribery and he pretty much seems guilty as fuck.
Democrats were quick to call on Menendez to resign. Republicans, however, put their own unique spin on the situation.
here’s found object Charlie Kirk to explain:
got that? they’re going after Menendez — who was caught red-handed with a closet full of cash and gold bars — in order to persecute Donald Trump.
fucking Merrick Garland, is there no bottom to this devious fiend’s barrel?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
I just paid $50 to say that John Fetterman is a *fucking* **BOSS**
I like how the second Don Jr. pic/post falsely claims to be from Earth.