this week in stupid: November 15 edition
Jon Voight panics, Donny gets manic, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: first they came for the boomers
uh oh. Fox News found object Jesse Watters has a solution to the housing crisis — and it’s a solution I find personally distressing.
“baby boomers will eventually pass away, and when they do, they will all do it at the same time, and then millions and millions of homes will become available like that.”
wait, we’re going to do what now? everyone born between 1946 and 1964 is going to die at the same time?
fuck me, why am I just hearing about this now? apparently I’ve been left off that text chain. when is this great die-off supposed to happen? I’m hoping it’s not for at least four weeks. I’d like to finish watching Down Cemetery Road.
I don’t know why Jesse’s so smugly pleased about this. doesn’t he realize that once all the boomers drop dead, Fox’s ratings will drop to zero? who do you think is watching your tiresome show, Jesse?
careful what you wish for, shitkazoo.
tuesday: first they came for the books
this week, folks attempting to visit the public library in Smyrna, Tennessee were greeted by this distressing sign.
so, what was the emergency that required the whole building to be shuttered on such short notice? did the bathroom pipes burst? did the entire staff come down with food poisoning?
nope.
what happened is that some busybody found a book with a transgender character in it, and Tennessee’s Secretary of State freaked the fuck out and ordered libraries across the state to close immediately, so that librarians could “cull their children’s sections for gender-subversive content.”
I shit you not. here’s the entire sign that greeted the thwarted library-goers.
people, what the fuck are we even doing here?
wednesday: first they came for the Muslims
let’s watch as Jon Voight completes his transition from once-respected actor to batshit racist fuckhead.
“this city will turn into a forbidden place of darkness. the blood, sweat and tears that New York was built on will turn into a virtual refugee shelter for the radical Muslim ideology. this is now the most dangerous time for our citizens of New York. this mayor will destroy this city. we are obligated to demand our rights for our private sanctuary, our businesses, our property, that we all have worked so hard for. and this 35-year-old mayor as no right dictating the rules of socialism for a city built on our highest principles with brick and stone by hardworking Americans. this must be stopped and his mayoralty should be terminated immediately. and we the people have put our trust in the president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. he — and only he — can stop this horror, as the Mayor Mamdani will try to destroy New York’s wealth and turn it into a socialist crap city.”
sorry, Jon — your all-powerful tribal warlord fell asleep in the middle of your overcooked rant.
tighten that shit up, bro. you can’t expect President Pudding Cup to stay awake for the entire minute and a half you flapped your gums.
look, dumb-asses, Zohran Mamdani is going to be your mayor. dry your eyes and cope — and stop calling on Donny to ‘do something’ to ‘stop this horror.’ Dear Leader can’t do shit. what are you expecting? that he’ll issue an executive order? fart out some nonsensical tweet where he thanks us for our attention to this matter?
let’s get real: Mamdani doesn’t have the power to do any of the shit MAGA is wetting their pants in fear of. he’s bound by the same laws and Constitution the rest of us are (excepting, of course, our Very-Special-Boy-in-Chief).
lighten the fuck up. I’m pretty sure free buses isn’t part of some plan to usher in Sharia Law. this isn’t some slippery-slope kind of thing, where one day there’s a government-run grocery store in Flatbush and the next, you’re forced to gay-marry Rick Santorum’s dog.
now, here’s a pro tip for you hypocritical fuckwads: if you’re all bent out of shape that the guy in charge of New York is a Muslim, but not that the guy in charge of Medicare and Medicaid is a Muslim, you’re racisting wrong.
thursday: first they came for whatever the fuck this is
Florida Rep. An Appalling Lunatic went on Newsmax and — [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being informed that the Florida rep’s name is actually Anna Paulina Luna. goddammit, I keep making this mistake. sorry about that, Anna. let me start over.
Florida Rep. Anna Paulina Luna went on Newsmax and did what she does best: blithered like an appalling lunatic.
Newsmax: “you’re on the record talking about, quote ‘non-human life-forms that could be interdimensional beings who are visiting us.’ can you just explain more, so people at home might know what that means.”
Lunatic: “yes, so that’s definitely a mouthful, but that is directly based on information that we received from witnesses. also information that we have obtained and witnessed via our investigations. there is some stuff that I can’t disclose what I have immediately seen in some of these SCIFs, but what I will tell you is, this is not some crazy conspiracy theory.”
spoiler alert: yes is it. it’s a crazy conspiracy theory.
I’d like to ask Anna if these interdimensional beings are in the room with us right now, but I’m afraid that she’d respond ‘yes, they are. duh. can’t you see them?’
this is why An Appalling Lunatic got herself elected to office — not to help her constituents, or to make anyone’s life better — but, apparently, to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck this is.
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
on Friday, some fucking idiot had no public appearances. no way did the fucking idiot want to face the press, and be peppered with uncomfortable questions about his dead pedo bestie.
but that doesn’t mean the fucking idiot didn’t have a busy day.
he announced Operation Change the Subject from Epstein.
he also announced Operation Look Over There, SQUIRREL! — because, you see, he doesn’t have a dead pedo bestie problem, it’s the Democrats that have a dead pedo bestie problem.
the fucking idiot blared the soundtrack from ‘Phantom of the Opera’ from inside the Oval Bordello at a volume that could be heard across the street. perfectly normal stuff.
was the fucking idiot trying to drown out the barking noises in his head?
don’t you hate it when you have a noisy neighbor and it’s the president of the United States?
the fucking idiot also kept himself busy on his crappy app. what even is this?
he quite batshittingly broke up with Madge Three Toes, because she wouldn’t stop pestering him about the Dead Pedo Bestie Files.
and we know it’s an official breakup, because he thanked us for our attention to this matter.
the fucking idiot announced that he would love to talk about his dead pedo bestie, but he can’t, because he “has a country to run!”
spoiler alert: here’s the fucking idiot, hard at work running ruining the country.
then it was time for the fucking idiot to fly down to Motel-a-Lago so he could spend the weekend cheating at golf.
while the fucking idiot was on Bordello Force One, he couldn’t avoid answering questions from the press.
“I had an MRI and the result was outstanding.”
reporter: “was it your brain?”
“I have no idea what they analyzed, but whatever they analyzed, they analyzed it well.”
they ‘analyzed it well,’ these big, strong doctors with tears in their eyes. I’ll bet they did.
now, just imagine that Joe Biden had gone for medical tests and, when asked what they were for, answered ‘fuck if I know.’
you know exactly what would have happened next: Jake Tapper would have orgasmed on the spot, and written fifteen books about it in one afternoon.
yet not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
901 / 990
fun fact: Donny called Three Toes "Marjorie Traitor Greene" this morning
https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115554138689247811
oh goody, I misspelled JON Voight. now I can look forward the hundreds of corrections that will be emailed to me over the next three days