as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: readings from the Book of What the Fuck
Florida Rep. An Appalling Lunatic appeared on the — [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being informed that the Florida rep’s name is actually Anna Paulina Luna. sorry about that, Anna. let me start over.
“what I can also tell you is, based on our interviews — and this has been something that you can go back and watch with the congressional hearings — what I was actually able to ask some of the witnesses, ‘what are these things?’ and they keep saying ‘interdimensional,’ and then when you talk about the interdimensional aspect, of, you know, are these things preexisting, maybe outside of what we currently know of as our own dimension. that stuff can kind of all sound crazy.”
I’m gonna stop you right there, Anna. there’s a real good reason this stuff can sound ‘kind of crazy.’ can you guess why that is?
but please, Anna, do go on.
“they call them interdimensional beings. I think they can operate through the time-spaces that we currently have. it’s based on stuff that we’ve seen, and also there’s this historical aspect. you have the modern-day Bible, you have this aspect of books in the Bible that have been removed that explain and touch on these topics.”
wait, what? are you telling us that there are books of the Bible that have been removed? is one of them the Book of Epstein? does Donny Convict’s name appear on every page? is that why it’s been removed?
I smell a cover up.monday: new Biden scandal drops
slow news day, Fox? was there no other way to avoid talking about the current president’s dead pedo bestie problem?
Fox News found object Jesse Watters is pissing himself with glee in this clip, because Sleepy Brandon was caught on camera drinking a milkshake with a straw — which just happens to be one of the seventeen hundred godzillion things that Watters insists no ‘real’ man should ever do.
fact check: fuck straight off, Jesse.
for fuck’s sake, you ghouls, it’s time to leave Joe Biden alone.
the only thing you need to know about Fox News’ creepy obsession with Joe is that Donny Convict’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
wednesday: with liberty and huh?
ah, the good old Pledge of Allegiance. it’s pretty much the first thing every American child learns in school. since we’ve all known it by heart since forever, let’s join in as New York Rep. Nicole Malliotakis recites the pledge.
“…for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and freedom. thank you very much.”
what, what just happened? did Rep. Malliotakis just fuck up the words to the pledge and then bolt from the stage without finishing it?
yes she did. and what word did she get wrong? say it with me:
justice — ‘for all,’ which happen to be the other words the good Rep couldn’t bring herself to say.
how do you screw that up? how telling is it that a Republican in the year 2025 can’t dredge up the phrase ‘justice for all’? have you fuckers outlawed it yet?
thursday: math, in the Biblical sense
one thing that will never be depleted is the United States Strategic Reserve of Evangelicals Saying Stupid Shit.
let’s listen in as Brooks Potteiger — who just happens to be Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand’s hometown pastor — concocts the weirdest analogy ever.
“we have to overturn Obergefell. gay marriage does not exist in the world. it can’t, any more than a square triangle can exist. God created marriage. I had premarital counseling today, I opened up to Genesis 1, showed them where God created marriage, male and female, he said it.”
A “square triangle” typically refers to a 45-45-90 triangle, which is a right triangle with two equal angles of 45 degrees. It is half of a square, hence the name. When two 45-45-90 triangles are joined along their hypotenuse, they form a square.
check out this ginormous shitstack of dumb: some fucking idiot invited a war criminal onto American soil — and then, instead of arresting the war criminal, the fucking idiot ordered soldiers from the United States military to roll a red carpet up to the war criminal’s plane.
and then the fucking idiot invited the war criminal to ride with him in the presidential limo, and off they went on their despot snugglebunny playdate, where nothing got accomplished.
“he said on a scale of 1 to 10, ‘I give today a 10.’ so that’s the president grading what he thought of the meeting.”
how fucking idiotic is that?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
by the way, I got an email from Governor Newsom's office regarding yesterday's post. they say:
"GovPressOffice content is produced by a separate group of staffers. Camille Zapata is not involved in creating or managing any of the content you reference. She has no role."
so there you go. the lesson learned is that even I am not immune to seeing something on the internet and assuming it's true.
fun fact: the 'removed' Biblical books that An Appalling Lunatic and her conspiratorial ilk say prove the existence of interdimensional beings are the books of Enoch and Jasher. needless to say, it's crazypants shit. you can google it if you care to go down that rabbit hole
by the way, I got an email from Governor Newsom's office regarding yesterday's post. they say:
"GovPressOffice content is produced by a separate group of staffers. Camille Zapata is not involved in creating or managing any of the content you reference. She has no role."
so there you go. the lesson learned is that even I am not immune to seeing something on the internet and assuming it's true.
I've corrected yesterday's post.
fun fact: the 'removed' Biblical books that An Appalling Lunatic and her conspiratorial ilk say prove the existence of interdimensional beings are the books of Enoch and Jasher. needless to say, it's crazypants shit. you can google it if you care to go down that rabbit hole
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=The+Books+of+Enoch+and+Jasher.