351 Comments
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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

I confess that I may have actually laughed out loud while composing the sonnet. and yes — for the first four lines, at least — it's really in sonnet form

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Sarah's avatar

Thank you for listening to these demented racist assholes for us. I’m doing my best to avoid it, except when you are reporting and putting it in the proper context. You give these folks the most apt names for their bullshit.

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Barb Z.'s avatar

So, maybe we now understand why MAGAs and Republicans have no problem with Trump’s content in public speaking.

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Teri's avatar

Wow, you have cracked open a probable answer to "how can magas possibly support #OrrangeTurd?". "Content" of sentences or a speech is meaningless! They are "like minded". WTAF is a member of Congress wasting taxpayer $ talking about why a soap brand isn't running ads? That's what he THINKS. It may or may not be true. I had to take gummies early on, Monday in Week of Stupid. After the blonde "spoke", I thought of leaping from my balcony, but it's hot outside.

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Barb Z.'s avatar

Don't get me started on Congress waisting $. It's all the House Republicans have done since 2021.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

As I'm sure you all have heard someone fired a gun at a Trump rally. I do very much hope that DFF dies of natural causes ASAP— simultaneous heart attack, stroke, exploding guts, and lightning strike— but no one should take a shot at anyone! Absolutely never!

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un poco loco's avatar

oh, I think they've had more practice than that. They've been wasting money on stupid shit for years.

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

It's hot outside— so glad you found the motivation to live!

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SPW's avatar

Thier brains are on the same broken telegraph wire that the felon’s is. How else could they be getting the same broken signals that he’s spouting? SSDD in Felonland. They aren’t even bothering to cut the shit with anything now. As Jeff says, they just shoot that shit straight into their veins. Makes em feel soooo good. As for old Snooze-ya-lose-Cruz, deportation to a mosquito infested tundra would be too good for him. I’m betting the felon will have him strapped to one of those useless Texas utility poles to see what happens to him when they finally get that shitty power grid powered back up. The absolute worst of Texas, Alabama, Mississipppi or Louisiana is felon 45/34’s vision for most of America.

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Barb Z.'s avatar

You forgot Florida.

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Linda Weide's avatar

In fact, here Andra Watkins describes what the belief is for Christian Nationalists. See Belief 5.

https://project2025istheocracy.substack.com/p/what-is-a-christian-nationalist

Then, just for further education of who supports Trump, read about what the beliefs are of NAR, the New Apostolic Reformation.

https://project2025istheocracy.substack.com/p/what-is-the-new-apostolic-reformation

The latter is the belief system of Supreme Court Justice Sam Alito and Speaker of the House (twice removed from presidency) Mike Johnson.

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Julie's avatar

Speak, girl, speak 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

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D.Allen's avatar

Yeah really, imagine if we never knew all the caca they say on a daily basis. What if Jeff didn’t report to us daily? I would never hear of their spectacular bs. Thanks Jeff for your rants—keeps me from hearing these bozos first hand.

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Patris's avatar

Chef’s kiss 😘

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Kathleen Weber's avatar

If I pasted my head onto Raquel Welch's body, I'd be in bathing beauty form.

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D.Allen's avatar

Well I hope you mean her live body 50 yrs ago.🤣

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Teri's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

You could have slipped in some Dove soap though.

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Jim Zons's avatar

It. Is. AWESOME!

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Abbi's avatar

This was one of your best. I haven’t laughed out loud like this since the damn debate. Thank you, thank you.

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Ryn's avatar

That was unexpected and amazing

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David (Dave) Jaspers's avatar

Billy Shakes is having an excellent laugh on this most excellent day.

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Marie Martin's avatar

You are something. You made laugh so hard I almost spit up. Gonna have to start wearing a bib when I read you. That you could get me laughing so hard in the midst of so much doomy gloomy self defeating garbage is remarkable. Or … your stuff encourages hysterical release.

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Megan Ross's avatar

I'm still laughing out loud! Oh my Gawd, that was absolutely epic! And I don't use the word epic all that often

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un poco loco's avatar

well, I laughed out loud reading it -- all of it -- even read it out loud to my better half, even though I knew he'd already read it for himself lol. Don't know whether this week is stupider than most or if you were just more inspired, but this may be the best week in stupid I've read yet...

And thank you for the new name for Cancun Ted! He does look like a Fidel, doesn't he?

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Kimmy's avatar

That wasn’t the first time while reading this today that I laughed out loud, but the sonnet sent me into a fit of laughter. JFK Jr is a black woman is a close second. Bravo

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Karen Hall's avatar

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Sharon Senkiew's avatar

I am deceased😂☠️

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Mike Hammer's avatar

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America you get a front row seat. - George Carlin

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Susan Kemp's avatar

I miss him. 😢

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Dave Drell's avatar

Hell yeah we all miss George so much.

His “Modern Man” is the best standup

routine of all time!

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Barbara Morgan's avatar

Me too

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Susan Niemann's avatar

That’s good Mike! 😂

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arne link's avatar

George was brilliant. He is missed.

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Linda Suzanne Reincke -Woods's avatar

So true! If Lenny Bruce was alive he would have thought the exact same thing.

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Vickie Berry's avatar

Yep, George was telling us all this all along.

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Alison Parker's avatar

"I predicted they’re gonna push Joe Biden out and replace him with Michelle Obama"

That sound you just heard was Michelle Obama laughing her fucking ass off.

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Susan Kemp's avatar

I loved her book, Becoming. She wasn’t enthusiastic about Barack going into politics at all and stated positively that she would never run for any office. I have to admit, though, I’d love to see her on SCOTUS. President Biden could replace the handmaiden and beer guzzler with Michelle and Barack. The exploding heads would be music to my ears.

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bruce somers's avatar

And Ted Cruz thought a beard was a good idea also.

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Mary Virginia Hughes's avatar

Looks pornograhic bad porn

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bruce somers's avatar

Didn't know he is 'Mistress Cleo'

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D.Allen's avatar

Omg, to deport Cruz would be like sugar plum fairy dust.

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un poco loco's avatar

You know, his deportation would make Texas a better place, except that by the time the GQP got their hands on enough US government to do that, it would make no difference. One problem would be that if they deported his ass, we would have already exited stage left, so it would be more difficult to fully savor the schadenfreude.

Also it would really suck if we ended up in the same foreign country that Fidel Cancun did.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Hides his weak chin, someone dubbed him "fat Wolverine".

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DR Darke's avatar

What's scary are the number of people who seem to BELIEVE this, and think it's a great idea!

Michelle Obama no more wants to run for or BE President than Civil War General William T. Sherman, who memorably stated, "If nominated, I will not run—if elected, I will not serve", did.

I don't think she's got her husband's ability to turn racist slurs aside with a joke or an observation that makes the slur-er look petty and foolish—rather the opposite, in fact! I think that's a point in her favor, but a lot of Americans don't for some reason—quite aside from their being the slur-ers....

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un poco loco's avatar

Well, she's seen what the presidency is like, up close and personal. Why in hell would she want to be president?

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Teri's avatar

Michelle Obama has been very outspoken about her strong dislike of politics. I do keep thinking if Dems push Joe out, SHE would win in a landslide. Maybe she could run, have Kamela as VP, & have Joe be her #1 advisor. OMFG, the GOP would lose their minds if TWO BLACK WOMEN were POTUS & VP!

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un poco loco's avatar

I was thinking about this last night -- it would be great, if nothing else because of all of the Republiscum head explosions. (Okay, it would probably get pretty messy, too.) It would also be entertaining to see what pretext Texas AG (and crook maximus) Paxton bases his suit against her, since there's no way in hell he would have actual standing. Not that it's stopped him before.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I’m trying to do the final apartment packing and after a question like “wait is JFK a black woman?” I honestly don’t know if I can continue? ! 🤣🤣🤣. Victoria Spartz? Talk about a glue sniffer!😂. They walk among us because we ELECT THEM! Just stop! 😂. So damned funny.

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bruce somers's avatar

I'm pretty sure Jeff inserted the commas, I don't think she took a breath,or maybe she like one of those lizards that breathe through their eyelids.

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arne link's avatar

I really don't understand how people can keep talking nonsense non-stop. That's what got Sara Palin a spot. How do they do it? Is it a natural-born skill or do they study? IDK.

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bruce somers's avatar

Apparently for some reason they think babbling like a moron 'owns the libs'

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That's also how they speak all the time.

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bruce somers's avatar

And pretty sure those subservient MAGA women are probably replacing their Mountain Dew with anti-freeze.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Karma. I used to have a meme of Melania glaring at trumpolini saying: "I've been putting arsenic in his diet coke for years...and all it has done is turn him orange."

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D.Allen's avatar

Probably at least a couple of yrs of public school under their belt.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Home-schooled by fundies would be my guess.

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bruce somers's avatar

5 kids,2 years of high school...seems about right.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

Tsunami of madness!!😂😂

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bruce somers's avatar

I ordered a gross of strait jackets and big, white nets...just in case.

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D.Allen's avatar

I wondered why they are so hard to find now!

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Good plan!

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Ooohhhh… that’s good. I’m stealing that!

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bruce somers's avatar

The tasers and tranq darts are on back-order.

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Teri's avatar

For ourselves to keep calm? 😂😂

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bruce somers's avatar

I'll just say...Stephen Miller...watch yourself.

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

Good luck with the packing, I know it’s tough when you keep giggling every time you think of this load of stupid.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Right? I’m finally done - but I had to stop and get myself together! 😂😂

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Marie Martin's avatar

Giggling? I’m spitting up on myself.

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User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jul 13
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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

I also had to guess at some of the words, and gave up on trying to figure out one of them. can anyone figure out what 'connaborizes' is supposed to be

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Mike Hammer's avatar

I think she’s a Ukrainian Karen.

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Sara Toye's avatar

Listened many times. There was no context to help me. Best I could do is “cannibalized.”

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Susan Kemp's avatar

I think she was trying to say “collaborates” but meant “confirms.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Nevertheless, She Persisted's avatar

maybe meant "corraborates"?

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Susan Kemp's avatar

That makes sense.

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Lynn Stolp's avatar

Hey, I was totally impressed you got as many as you did...a Herculean feat!

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Mary Anne Price's avatar

The context would suggest “corroborates”, but that is not what comes out.

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Marie Martin's avatar

Cannibalizes.

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D.Allen's avatar

Russian pig Latin

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

ISWYDT.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Maybe canabalizes? I don't speak wingnut, so it's just a guess.

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User's avatar
Comment deleted
Jul 13
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Mary Virginia Hughes's avatar

They’ve learned this weird word thing from trump

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Steve houlette's avatar

Rep Spartz met her future husband, Jason Spartz, on a train from Moscow to Kyiv. They married in 200o and live in Noblesville, Indiana. Jason is a senior instructional technology consultant for the enterprise instructional technology team, part of Instructional Services. He provides service management and Tier3 support for ICON, UICapture, UI Learn, wiki, Respondus, and other services. I’d love to party with the spartzes. Seriously though a young, blonde Ukrainian girl meets an American on a train. Now she’s a Russian operative in Congress. Is there anyone easier to manipulate than a Republican? Or so cheap and easy to buy? Well played, Russia.

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bruce somers's avatar

Is potato.

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Spartz the Spud.

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bruce somers's avatar

Half-baked.

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Karen Hall's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

Mashed for her brain, and simultaneously can be used to completely humiliate Donald, by dumping a huge pot of it on his head, according to Mary.

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D.Allen's avatar

🤣

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Janan Broadbent's avatar

Yes, but WHO elected her???

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Kay-El's avatar

Not one intelligible phrase among all these fuckwits. I’m not fluent in gibberish so it takes me a while to decipher, but when I do, I’m awestruck by how many brain farts can make up a sentence that still doesn’t make any sense.

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Kristy Kanen's avatar

Exactly, I'm rather fluent in DUMB BITCH, but her dialect is too extreme.

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bruce somers's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Patris's avatar

🙏

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I still can't decipher but it's fun trying when I'm playing with my cats.

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BoomerAtLarge's avatar

I miss the days when the MOST awful of the fucking lunatics in the White Fascist party in Congress were told by their OWN party to stay in the background so the rest of us don't have to hear their absolute batshit bullshit. Now they put the worst of the worst in front of the fucking cameras as often as possible.

In November, I think MOST folks will still choose sanity over fascism, and everyone I know is still Ridin' with Biden.

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bruce somers's avatar

President Biden knocked it out of the park in Michigan yesterday!!! Very exciting!!! 😀

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Megan Ross's avatar

Yes he did!! I literally stood up in my living room, raised my fists in the air and cheered! 🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲

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Geoff Anderson's avatar

Rep Spartz really is dumber than a stump. Her and Tooberville are a perfect match.

And didn't I read that she had a firearm in her carry-on baggage?

https://apnews.com/article/indiana-congresswoman-victoria-spartz-airport-firearm-charged-c0684e073b347f8ee5499c12675dc292

Yeah, she seems special.

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bruce somers's avatar

Is potato.

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

🤣😂

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

The only one dumber is “Jewish space lasers” MTG (OMG, how could the rethuglicans ever have accumulated so many coconuts, most identically dressed in red ties?).

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D.Allen's avatar

They acquired these nutty voters by tranquilizer of cool aide & playing an endless tape of tfg ramble. Enough that anyone could potentially be

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D.Allen's avatar

Persuaded to wear a red tie.

(hate it when I hit “send” accidentally, esp. after a long ramble!)

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Teri's avatar

She got a citation for an unloaded gun in her carry on??? Why is that not a 5 year felony, no early release??

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D.Allen's avatar

It would have been too torturous for the other inmates.

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un poco loco's avatar

cruel AND unusual lol

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

So she's the able bodied female version of Madison Cawthorn?

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Charles Austin's avatar

She makes Cawthorn look like Albert Einstein.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Too true!😂🤣

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DonP's avatar

You know it's funny, but in about 15 seconds of typing three different places I came up with dozens of "ads" for Dove soap. I guess the congressman thinks that they stopped advertising it because they heard his conservative mom likes it, so.....

I've seen far smarter hammers than these knucklefuckers, and hammers are infinitely more useful.

What gets me is they think they're making really snarky comments and zinger points that everyone should agree with, when in reality they're making themselves look stupid. And they wonder why no-one takes them seriously.

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

I saw an ad for Dove soap last evening on TV.

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Anita Smibert's avatar

I think it falls under the mandate for the Republican Party. Rule 23) Just make shit up and call it personal experience or some people are saying.

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bruce somers's avatar

They usually fall back on the un-named 'they' or 'them', that's how much they like to dehumanize people.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

They also hate pronouns.

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bruce somers's avatar

Except when Jeebus uses them.

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I don't think they use soap.

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Robert R's avatar

They should all wash out their lying filthy mouths with some soap ..LYE soap !

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I think that's good for Covid too.

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Teri's avatar

🏆🏆🏆 😂😂😂😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Lynn O’Neal's avatar

Haven’t heard or seen much of Marge lately though.

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bruce somers's avatar

I believe she's camped under a bridge scaring children.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That was the extent of her previous resume, she used to chase The teen-age shooting survivor David Hogg around yelling at him.

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Vickie Berry's avatar

🤣

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Robert R's avatar

She’s the nanny goat gruff she’s got goat feet and likes porno pics so she’s horny baahhh!

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bruce somers's avatar

She'll always be the 5 Bs for me...

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

Who are the 5 B’s? MTG super dumbfuck, Elise Stefanie friend of Adolph, Kristi Noem puppy and goat killer, Lauren Boebert lap-dancer til you’re thrown out of the theater extraordinaire, and Victoria Spartz russian spy? This is the one and only time that I don’t shrink from the utterly misogynistic “B” word. They are just that horrible.

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Marguerite Foster's avatar

😂😂😂

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bruce somers's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Janan Broadbent's avatar

😂😂😂😂🧌🧌👹

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Chris Hierholzer's avatar

I believe she's holding governor Abbots hand while he's hiding from pissed off Houstonians.

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un poco loco's avatar

I know how crappy it was being without power in Houston for a week after Ike blew through in 2008. That fucker Abbott needs to hide.

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Teri's avatar

Now the pay negotiation between power workers, includes out of state workers. They won't work, as their motel & food won't be paid for, as it usually is. Where is Teddy boy?

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un poco loco's avatar

Cancun. In disguise. (Beard & sunglasses lol.)

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Shh, you'll summon her bat-shittery.

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D.Allen's avatar

She has competition.

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Kimmy's avatar

The funniest part about that for me was that the ONLY ad I’ve seen for soap that I can recall in the last decade has been Dove. As soon as I read that comment I thought he must be bananas because I can actually recall several of their ad campaigns.

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bruce somers's avatar

I picked a terrible week to stop sniffing glue.

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Charles Austin's avatar

😂😂😂

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D.Allen's avatar

😱😂😂

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Allan Voorhis's avatar

It can't be easy to curate this list every week. I have seen 3 or 4 commercials for Dove products this morning. The poor woman at the rally needs someone to keep her at home and out of harms way. Victoria needs to up her fiber intake. Maybe she wouldn't be so full of shit. Ted,up yours. Judge Juice, you're a hopeless twit. Fox sure knows how to pick 'em.

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bruce somers's avatar

Amazing the puppy-kickers love that soap so much,from what I've heard,3 shirts and 'vonshitsinpants' really need a firehose scrub-down with some good,strong soap.

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Permian Extinction's avatar

I sincerely regret these people did not inject Clorox.

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bruce somers's avatar

And all that Ivermectin isn't working on the brain worms either.

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Rose Maly, MD, MSPH's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Teri's avatar

It's always sad when someone dies. 1,000,000 Americans died of Covid. Idk what percentage of those were anti-vaxxers & anti-maskers.

Using even 50 percent being maga deaths is 500,000. Not all would be eligible to vote. Subtract 250,00 too young, etc. 250,000 deceased magas due to Covid. I bet the # of maga deaths from Covid is more like 75 percent.

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Darrell Smith's avatar

I live 30 miles from Texas as the crow flies. The esteemed Abbott has been doing a bit of foreign relations, going to different countries and touting the virtues of doing business with or in Texas. Lt. Governor Dan Patrick has accepted aid from DC to help fix the hurricane damage.

There were 67 tornado warnings in my area when Beryl came ashore and it continued to do terrible damage in the rest of the nation.

The dofuss Republicans may poopoo climate change but it is here. That one hurricane is a good example.

Monday starts the RNC convention. Hooray. It will be a Trump or get out deal. The schedule is: Monday I (Trump) am Great Tuesday I (Trump) am the Greatest Ever. You get the idea. It will all be about revenge, making the rich richer, and imposing a Toddler King on the American people.

All of this debate and Joe is too old is crap thought up by people who are against the American people. They did the same crap to Hillary. She would have been a continuation of Obama type policy, but that is not a problem. She would have been a good President.

There are a number of Democrats that would be good Presidents. But right now we need to stand behind Joe and get everyone we know to vote for him.

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

Say it loud! We need Joe, he can beat tfg (I refuse to write or say his name).

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bruce somers's avatar

I saw Beto O'Rourke on 'Democracy Docket' yesterday...'Come to Texas,we don't allow POC to vote'

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Bob Gold's avatar

Most of your postings have me laughing out loud thru my tears, but I still can’t get Nosferatu MacGoebbels out of my head— pure genius.

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Robert R's avatar

Paint thinner and meth cocktail sounds about right!

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arne link's avatar

But he really does look like Nosferatu. It's a spot-on description. Imagine being his wife and the mother of his undead children? Wow.

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Patris's avatar

I can’t tell you how this has brightened an otherwise challenging day 💙💙💙💙

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NEAL O'CONNOR's avatar

Judge Pirro is ralphing up another thought! Someone hold her hair back! Nothing like an evening with a box of wine for the "jurist."

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bruce somers's avatar

I believe when they fall on 'they' so much,(like when Trump says someone calls him 'sir'),jeez,c'mon guys,you're getting lazy,put some real effort into your lying, it's getting pretty weak.

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