this week in stupid: December 16 edition
Rudy fucks it, Ted Cruz ducks it, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: area drunk fucks himself
there’s fucking around, there’s finding out, and then there’s setting a match to your life and burning it to the ground.
Rudy Giuliani’s week ended badly, but let’s not forget that it started in the most hilariously self-destructive way possible.
arriving at the courthouse where he’d already been found liable for defaming Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, America’s Drunk And Disgraced Mayor decided his best bet was to continue to double down on the defaming.
“everything I said about them is true.”
“do you regret what you did to Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss?”
“of course I don’t regret it, I told the truth. they were engaged in changing votes.”
“there’s no proof of that.”
“you’re damned right there is.”
hey Rudy — Jeff of the Future is here to tell you that this tactic did not work at all.
tuesday: a fool and their money are soon Trump supporters
holy shit, Day One Diaperload is so shameless — or broke, or both — that he’s now selling off pieces of the alleged shitty suit that he wore to his Georgia arraignment.
PT Barnum famously said that there’s a sucker born every minute. but if old PT had lived long enough meet a Trump worshiper, he’d have revised that to “every ten seconds.”
because, sure as shit, you just know that these stupid tatters of cloth are going to sell out in a heartbeat — if they haven’t already.
Trumpsters, can we talk for just a minute? how fucking dumb are you? if you actually think you’re going to get a snippet of an actual suit Trump wore, and not some random piece of blue cloth that Trump’s pool boy picked up at Walmart, I have six bankrupt casinos in Atlantic City to sell you.
wednesday: Jimmy drops a Dooce
Turnip Truck Jimmy Comer is having a Big Mad at Peter Doocy right now, because the Dooce is the one Fox News guy with the temerity to point out that the GOP hasn’t got shit on Joe Biden and their impeachment effort is just a big pile of soaking wet stupid.
and so Jimmy went on Newsmax to whine about how unfair it is.
“why would Doocy say, after all the work you’ve done, that you have nothing? why do you think that is.”
“I quit going on Fox and Friends because of Doocy. he’s the one guy on Fox that’s been very critical of the investigation. I have my theory why.”
boy, Shell Company Comer sure does have a theory about everything. will we be seeing any hearings about this, Jim?
I mean, what’s the point of even having a bought-and-paid for propaganda arm of the Republican Party if they’re not going to fall in line and parrot your dumb-ass talking points?
thursday: a hunk of metal isn’t going to fuck you either, my dude
according to this not-tweet,
“Elon Musk is now working on robot wives. this will be a huge game changer and make women obsolete. he will completely solve the dating crisis for men in the west. western women will be pissed.”
first of all, no — Elon Musk is not working on robot wives. this is just some AI-generated artwork that some unfuckable dweeb cooked up in his mom’s basement.
second of all, how gullible are you to believe this? bro, have you bought your Trump suit fragment yet?
third of all, why are you so eager to stick your dick into something made by a guy whose products are famous for randomly bursting into flames and blowing up?
well, I guess it’s easier than growing a personality and attracting an actual woman.
friday: brave Sir Ted ran away
Republicans sure do love to shove their medieval superstitions straight up into women’s wombs — but try to get them to stand up and defend the consequences of their shitty actions, and it’s another story entirely.
here, Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun shows us how it’s done.
“Senator, are you supportive of the Texas Supreme Court’s ruling in the Kate Cox case that prevented her from getting an abortion after she learned her fetus was not viable?”
“just call the press office,”
“I actually have, for two days now, and I still haven’t received an answer.”
“thank you.”
good lord, Ted Cruz couldn’t have run away from this reporter any faster if she were one of his constituents, freezing to death in the dark because the power grid he refuses to deal with failed again. fucking coward.
folks, hound these evil shitbags relentlessly. give them no peace. never let them forget for one moment how unacceptable their forced-birth policies are, and never stop holding them accountable.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
But what’s worse - the senate sex tape or that insane haircut on Giuliani’s lawyer?
Holy fuckwad Batman! Could it get any worse? Shit yeah! There’s a 10” thick binder of intelligence that disappeared just as diaper stain Don waddled out of office. So there’s that, Jeff.