this is getting fucking ridiculous

for the future of our democracy, this game of gotcha has got to end

all week long, the bed-wetters and the hand-wringers have been demanding that Joe Biden needs to prove to us that he’s not a drooling mess. he’s got to make a public appearance — on July 4th! — and he’s got to nail it.

well guess fucking what, boys and girls.

“let me close with this. last month, Jill and I traveled to Normandy, France to commemorate the 80th Anniversary of D-Day. we met with American veterans. some of them — about twelve or fourteen — over a hundred and two years old. we toured the battlegrounds, went to the cemeteries, and looked at what was happening. there should be no question about it — all those who served as members of the military were heroes, genuine heroes. heroes for freedom and democracy and America. look: now, decades later we have to look at ourselves and ask the question, ‘will we stand for freedom again?’ when we stand for democracy, we stand together as Americans. I believe we will and we can.”

oh look at that. strong, clear voiced — and no weird hallucinations about planes falling out of the sky or fictional serial killers who invite friends over for dinner.

did this change The Narrative that Joe Biden is frail and decrepit? ha fucking ha — of course it didn’t.

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I’ve written before about “the Clinton rules.”

back when Bill and Hillary ruled the Democratic roost, the media had an unwritten law called “the Clinton rules.” basically, Bill or Hillary would do something that every other politician in the entire history of the world does — something as simple as holding a fundraiser, or giving a speech — and the press would report it in hushed tones and describe it as if it were some new kind of dastardly scandal.

fast forward to 2024 and we might as well call what the press is doing today “the Biden rules”: everything Joe Biden does — no matter how normal or innocuous — is proof that He’S tOo oLd!

they’ve been pulling this fuckery for a while. back in February, the media had a field day with a report that Biden uses note cards in meetings — something that every single politician does.

even Donny Convict depended on note cards — especially when he met with Parkland school shooting survivors, and needed written instructions to remind him not to be a ginormous piece of shit in front of children who had been used for target practice.

well, now the worthless scribblers of the press have turned the dial way past eleven.

President Joe Biden suggested to Democratic governors that he might limit evening events after 8 p.m. so he can get more sleep, according to two sources familiar with the exchange.

OH MY GOD, Joe Biden is going to stop working 14-hour days.

lest we forget that on a good day, Former Fuck quote-unquote “worked” about three hours a day?

Donny spent every morning of his presidency fucking off and watching himself on TV. his flunkies tried to explain this behavior away by calling it “executive time.” then around noon he’d waddle into the Oval Office, and pick his nose and yell at people for about three hours — all while still keeping one eye on the TV — and then around mid-afternoon he’d go back to fucking off. and that was on a so-called “good” day.

but we’re now supposed to fall all over our fainting couches because Biden is going to cut his days short at 8pm.

look, I’ll take the guy who gets a good night’s sleep over the adderall-addicted asshole who rage-tweets all night long.

let’s see, what other crimes has Joe Biden been committing recently?

oh my god — he uses a teleprompter!

But there was a discordant addition to the cozy gathering where about 30 people had assembled: At the front of the room, where the president spoke, stood a lectern and a teleprompter, two large screens hovering about six feet high.

once again, I’m going to take the guy who uses whatever technology is available to help keep himself focused over the raving lunatic whose every speech features incoherent blithering about what would happen if a shark ate a battery.

oh, and breaking news — this just in:

“JUST IN: The Financial Times reports that President Biden has told his closest allies that he ‘cannot afford to trip up’ in any of his upcoming media appearances if he is to ‘regain the confidence of his party’”

so now, just trying to avoid giving the press any fodder with which to gin-up a bullshit scandal is fodder for a scandal.

how dare Joe Biden be aware that he can’t afford to trip up.

so now, Biden has to be pitch-perfect. for the next four months he can’t afford to make the slightest slip — he can’t stumble over a single word, or botch anyone’s name — because the press is watching like a hawk, ready to pounce on the most insignificant mistake and blow it up into a days-long feeding frenzy.

meanwhile, Donny Convict — who couldn’t even stay awake during his fucking criminal trial — is given an endless series of free passes. where is the media as Donny can’t even finish a sentence without short-circuiting?

“Saudi Arabia and Russia will rebetu ahhhhhhhhh.”

excuse me, Saudi Arabia and Russia will what? hello media, are you listening?

two weeks ago, Donny phoned into Newsmax to whine about who even gives a shit what. check out what happens right in the middle of it.

Corey Lewandowski: “you made the recommendation that maybe Joe Biden has to have a drug test before this debate. you’ve made some great remarks, and let me just remind our viewers kind of what you said and what your take is on it.”
Trump: “ — ”
Lewandowski: “sir?”

that’s right, Donny just zones the fuck out. ten seconds of silence, and then Lewandowski has to gamely attempt to wake him up. did Donny forget where he was? did his brain freeze? we’ll never know, because the press couldn’t give a fuck. it’s more fun to persecute Joe Biden.

this week, Joe Biden sat for an interview with George Stephanopoulos. it’s airing tonight. the press hasn’t seen it yet, but the usual suspects are already pronouncing it not enough.

the interview won’t be live — so fuck you, Joe.

again, compare that with the free pass Donny got when he recently sat for two interviews — with Fox & Friends and Dr. Phil — and was so incoherent that he had to be heavily edited.

in their Ahab-like obsession to bring down Biden, the media is ignoring much scarier shit that’s going on right under our noses.

“we are in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be.”

hello, what?

this asshole is Kevin D. Roberts and he’s the head of the Heritage Foundation — and he’s promising a violent, bloody revolution if he doesn’t get his way. we should all be terrified by this, considering it’s coming from the same people hell-bent on inflicting their democracy-destroying Project 2025 should Donny be installed as King Fuckface the First.

did any of this get any coverage in the press? no, it did not — because the entire political media ecosystem is instead laser-focused in waiting for Joe Biden to mispronounce the name of the 14th undersecretary for the Bureau of Land Management.

infantile games of gotcha in pursuit of The Narrative — instead of reporting the actual news — is not the way a responsible press behaves.

for the future of our democracy, this shit has got to end — now.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.