this week in stupid: February 24 edition
Alina nails it, Donny fails it, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
monday: president pussygrabber is our savior
Monday was Presidents’ Day, and the biggest dummies on the planet gathered across the street from a particular vermin-infested golf motel, to show support for their favorite rapist.
“we the people support our pres— our greatest president, president Trump, and presidents’ day, the year two thousand twenty four, and I got this is the year where I got president Trump is gonna be elected again, for the third time, and he’s gonna lead people had enough of Joe and the Democrats. so, this is the most important election in our nation’s history. it’s either freedom or socialism. we’re here to support our freedom over socialism. so president Trump is our last hope, and he is— he’s our savior of our nation, for our freedom.”
my dude, Donald Trump doesn’t give a fuck about you. he probably demanded that his secret service detail shoot you grubby goofuses for trashing up Ocean Boulevard — and probably hurled a ketchup bottle in anger when told you had a First Amendment right to be there.
tuesday: can’t fake anything
once Donny Rapefingers found out that noted parking garage litigator Alina Habba couldn’t fake being a lawyer, he tried like hell to get rid of her — even going so far as to fire her via a post on his own crappy app.
but Alina is alive and seemingly still on the job — because Trump is apparently now out of options. there’s no lawyer remaining who wants to defend an out-of-control felony factory who doesn’t pay his bills.
on Tuesday, Alina went on Newsmax and wowed us all with her legal acumen.
Newsmax: “what are your grounds on appeal?”
Habba: “what aren’t my grounds on appeal?”
hell of an answer, Alina. this is exactly the kind of razor-sharp reasoning that has saddled your client with a half a billion dollars in fines and disgorgement.
keep up the good work.
wednesday: introducing Donald Trump fried chicken
Fox News found object Raymond Arroyo has an insightful theory for why black folks have a new-found love for a racist game show host.
“I was on social media last night. very interesting as you see black support eroding from Joe Biden. this is connecting with black America — because they love sneakers! they’re into sneakers. this is a big deal, certainly in the inner city. so when you have Trump roll out his sneaker line, they’re like, ‘wait a minute, this is cool!’ he’s reaching them on a level that defies and is above politics.”
there’s a whole industry that has built up around bloviators willing to go on Fox and Newsmax to explain why the disassociated ravings of a drooling lunatic is actually n-dimensional chess — but the snake oil Arroyo is peddling here is some next-level dipshittery.
black people go nuts for sneakers — especially in the inner city — and so now they love Trump.
holy shit, the racist dogwhistling in this statement is so loud that every hound in the neighborhood is going ape-shit right now.
and you have to fucking love the “especially in the inner city,” which is of course where every black person lives.
spoiler alert: no, tHe bLaCkS are not suddenly flocking to the guy who was fined for refusing to rent apartments to black people and called for the executions of five innocent black teens, just because he’s now hawking ugly-as-fuck gold-plated four-hundred-dollar sneakers.
thursday: what if they gave a shitshow and nobody came
remember when CPAC was a big fucking deal? it was the hot ticket if you were a rising star in the wingnutsphere. everyone who was anyone would show up, and it was standing-room only.
no more. check out the photo above. CPAC is now toxic as fuck.
looks like CPAC organizer Matt Schlapp has grabbed one crotch too many, and now nobody want to be associated with the guy.
but wait — this year’s CPAC has insurrection pinball!
yup, the worst people in the world have turned January 6 into a fucking game.
just imagine for a moment the howls of outrage that would pour forth from these assholes if someone did a September 11 pinball game.
this game, by the way, has all kinds of different fun levels of play: ‘Stop the Steal,’ ‘Fake News,’ ‘Peaceful Protest,’ ‘It’s a Setup,’ ‘Babbitt Murder,’ ‘Have Faith’ and ‘Political Prisoners.’
lovely stuff.
hey wait, why are you fucknozzles calling this thing insurrection pinball? shouldn’t it be called peaceful protest pinball?
friday: new Biden scandal drops
back when Bill and Hillary ruled the Democratic roost, the media had an unwritten law called “the Clinton rules.” basically, Bill or Hillary would do something that every other politician in the entire history of the world does — something as simple as holding a fundraiser, or giving a speech — and the press would report it in hushed tones and describe it as if it were some new kind of dastardly scandal.
fast forward to 2024 and we might as well call what the press is doing today as “the Biden rules”: everything Joe Biden does — no matter how normal or innocuous — is proof that He’S tOo oLd!
Biden, 81, 'constantly using cheat sheets at private fundraisers has alarmed Democratic donors': Wealthy backers say he even refers to notes when taking questions AWAY from the press
The president regularly brings cards to public events
He has used a teleprompter for closed door remarks
Some donors are grousing that he relies on cards even in Q&A sessions
oh my god, Joe Biden uses note cards! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!
christ on a biscuit, do you people ever listen to yourselves? listen up, you fucking fucks: everyone uses notes.
Kevin McCarthy uses notes.
so does noted Muslim Barack Hussein Obama.
even King Fuckface the First depended on note cards — especially when he met with Parkland school shooting survivors, and needed written instructions to remind him not to be a ginormous piece of shit in front of children who had been used for target practice.
hey media — if you really need a doddering old fool to cover, there’s a guy going out every single night and spewing the craziest batshit imaginable.
you don’t even need to put any spin it. just report verbatim what this dumb-ass says.
“would you rather have the black president or the white president? I think they want the white guy.”
what in the actual fuck? does Donny Demento imagine he’s running against Obama?
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
Look, it's hard enough preparing to face Obama in the general election when he's busy fighting Nancy Pelosi in the primary!
I'm an optimist by nature. But lately I'm just feeling overwhelmed by the state of our country. I can only hope those with any level of common sense will vote for the Democrats in November. We either remain a democracy or become a Christofascist autocracy run by the stupidest man ever to be elected president surrounded by the stupidest, racist, evil, evangelical Christians and plain grifters we've ever had to suffer.