spite-fueled toddler claims he gets to have Greenland because he didn’t get a Nobel Peace Prize
on what planet does that make any sense?
hey, everyone! it’s time to play America’s favorite new game, What The Fuck Am I Waking Up To Today?
[picks up phone, scrolls]
oh, come on — you have got to be shitting me.
so there you are, in bed, staring at your phone in the dark at 4 o’clock in the morning, at a post claiming that Preznit Fuckwit says he has the right to invade Greenland because he didn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize — and all you can think is ‘this can’t possibly be real. someone photoshopped this.’
not even Donny would be that childish, right?
au contraire, mon frère. because we’ve all been sentenced to life without parole in the shittiest possible timeline, it turns out that note is absolutely goddamned real — as confirmed by the BBC’s Faisal Islam.
look at Faisal — he’s as dumbfounded as the rest of us.
BBC Breakfast host Sally Nugent: “good morning, Faisal. so, the World Economic Forum gets underway a little later on, and of course, I imagine a lot of the chat will be about tariffs. what impact could they have on the UK and indeed on the rest of Europe?”
Faisal Islam: “I hope you’re sitting comfortably. I know normally you talk to me about economics and numbers, but this is also the place where all these people will meet. Donald Trump is coming here on Wednesday. we think [UK Prime Minister] Kier Starmer might, too. he might want to get his skates on, because of something that’s just happened. uh, we have both the Norwegian prime minister and Finnish prime minister’s accounts of an exchange of letters which is truly extraordinary. it is absurd and funny in a way, but it’s also incredibly serious. overnight, an email, an exchange between those two and Donald Trump — and Donald Trump is reported to have replied, ‘considering your country,’ is the message to Norway, ‘decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped the wars, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of peace,’ and then goes on to make an argument for why America should own Greenland. an astonishing note, really, to think that would be sent by the president of the United States.”
you have to love the actual journalists of the foreign press who are unafraid to call out the crazy. unlike our own worthless scribblers, they don’t try to sugar-coat the batshit and sanewash the fuck out of it.
looking straight at you, New York Times.
the Times just soberly reports on Donny’s crazypants message as if a demented rage-baby invading a country because he’s Big Mad over a prize snub is the most perfectly normal thing in the world.
pro tip: it’s not normal. it’s fucking deranged. I mean, look at the infantile drivel in Donny’s message to Norway’s PM, Jonas Gahr Store.
Dear Jonas: Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace.
what, Donny gets to have the country of his choice as consolation prize? what is this, some game show? ‘so sorry, Donny, you didn’t win our top prize — but you do get a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni.’
‘I get to have a country now’ isn’t how a rational adult thinks. it’s how a two-year-old obsessed with grievances and score-settling thinks.
none of this is normal. Donny is utterly unhinged. he’s deranged, and is unfit to be president.
someone explain to me, how is it Prime Minster Store’s fault that Donny didn’t get the golden bauble he’s so pathetically desperate to win? we’re never going to get it though Donny’s thick skull that the government of Norway and the Nobel Committee are two completely separate entities, are we?
I’m beginning to think that this thing the Founders came up with, where every 250 years we get to have a king again — only this time he’s really fucking dumb — was a bad idea.
as Faisal Islam notes, the World Economic Forum in Davos is taking place this week. let’s saunter down Memory Lane and revisit the speech Donny made at last year’s Forum.
did you know that bullets are bad? or wait, maybe it’s not the bullets that are bad — maybe it’s the flat ground. listen to this clip from last year’s speech, and tell me if you can make any sense of it.
“beautiful young people are being shot in the battlefield. you know, the bullet, very flat land as I said. and the bullet goes, there’s no, there’s no hiding, and the bullet, the only thing gonna stop the bullet is a human body. and you have to see — I’ve seen pictures.”
perfectly normal stuff, right? everyone in the room laughed at the ha-ha-funny clown — but the laughter quickly turned to stunned silence as it dawned on the Davos attendees that this was the dumbfuck they were stuck dealing with for the next four years.
As he was introduced, the room erupted in applause. Trump began by congratulating the World Economic Forum on organizing the conference, but he quickly pivoted to his signature “America First” rhetoric. When he discussed limiting “transgender surgeries,” a few people around me sighed in disappointment.
that was a year ago. Donny’s now a year older, a year more physically deteriorated, a year more cognitively impaired — and on top of all that, Donny’s also a year angrier. he’s carrying a year’s worth of new grudges and grievances — and he’s hell-bent inflicting all of them on the world.
this year’s speech is going to be a shit-show for the ages.
one thing you have to admire about the people of Minneapolis how much they fucking loathe Obergruppenführer Greg Bovino.
last weekend, the Littlest Nazi tried to take a piss and ended up getting dogpiled by protesters.
look what happened yesterday, when the Pocket Fascist showed up in full Third Reich regalia to bark orders at protesters, as if he were some yappy little teacup dog. the protesters were having none of it.
let’s all raise a glass to the dude who screams ‘coward! chicken shit!’
as Jesus so wisely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, ‘blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet’ — so without further ado, I give you today’s winner of all the internets: Dr. Joel Shulkin, who posted ‘I’m a little despot, short and stout…’
today is Martin Luther King Day. let’s honor his memory — and let’s dishonor a certain spiteful man-baby.
here’s a quote from Dr. King that’s never been more relevant than it is right now.
“We need leaders not in love with money but in love with justice. Not in love with publicity but in love with humanity.”
how prescient was that?
and now, here are your heroes of the day: the good people of Denmark, who held a protest rally in front of the American embassy in Copenhagen, and — oh, look! — they brought visual aids.
fuck yeah. let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
966 / 1055
the lede of today's post is 100% true. I went to bed with a whole slate of other stuff I was planning to write about. then I woke up, looked at my phone — and all that other shit went out the window
How do y’all reckon the history books are gonna cover this shite for the next generations? Will there be wildly different curricular materials between different states or rival districts within states? Will there emerge a schism between the cosmopolitan areas and the hillbilly backwoods that suppress any efforts to deal with all this responsibly? I ask in part because I taught history for many years and understand propaganda. And I really do care about this question.