Robert Hur is a fucking liar and Jim Jordan’s latest hearing blew up in his big dumb face

once again, Democrats brought the heat

is Jim Jordan a masochist? does he get off on being publicly humiliated?

it’s a legit question, because yesterday, the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach pantsed himself on live television for like the eleventy-millionth time.

ever since that whole “impeaching Joe Biden for imaginary corruption” thing didn’t pan out (pro tip: don’t get conned by Russian spies), Jimmy and his partner in idiocy, Comer Fudd, have been sniffing up the pantleg of a new line of attack:

we’re gonna figure out just how old Joe Biden is, and we’re gonna impeach him for that.

Jimmy Jord’s star witness for yesterday’s hearing was MAGA stooge Robert Hur, the former Special Counsel who, it must be stressed, had exonerated Biden for that whole Hey DOJ, I Found Some Classified Documents, Come Take Them Back affair.

Robert Hur is hot garbage — and a fucking liar — because at the center of this whole JoE bIdEn iS ToO oLd hysteria — a twenty-megaton panic attack that kept the Ezra Kleins of the world running around with their hair on fire for a solid fucking month — has been Hur’s allegation that Biden is quote-unquote “an elderly man with a poor memory” who couldn’t remember when his son Beau died.

and guess what — that was a fucking lie. Hur made the whole thing up. yesterday morning, just before the hearing started, the Washington Post published the transcript of Hur’s five-hour-long interview with Biden — and oh, look: here’s Biden’s actual answer to the question:

“What month did Beau die? Oh God, May 30.”

got that? Hur lied.

which, by the way, raises the question: why the fuck did Merrick Garland sit on the interview transcript for a solid month before releasing it? he could have put it out the same day as the report, and saved us all weeks of teeth-gnashing and garment-rending.

I keep trying to give Garland the benefit of the doubt, but seriously, he keeps making these errors of judgment. what the hell, Merrick?

oh, and check this out:

“you appear to have a photographic understanding and recall.”

that is verbatim what Hur said to Biden — and during yesterday’s hearing, Eric Swalwell pressed Hur on that point.

Swalwell: “I now want to turn you the transcript and day one, page 47. you said to President Biden, ‘you have … appear to have a photographic understanding and recall of the House.’ did you say that to President Biden?”
Hur: “[long pause] those words do appear on page 47 of the transcript.”
Swalwell: “‘photographic’ is what you said, is that right?”
Hur: “that word does appear on page 47 of the transcript.”
Swalwell: “never appeared in your report, though, is that correct? the word ‘photographic’?”
Hur: “it does not appear in my report.”

what a slimy little shitweasel Hur is. he never actually admits to saying what he obviously said. he just agrees that it’s in the transcript — like it just magically appeared there.

yeah, maybe that’s what it says in the transcript, but look over there — space aliens!

Democrats used Hur for a chew toy and it was glorious to behold.

Madeleine Dean: “I want to give you a chance, since the transcript is out, to correct the record on an important point. very sadly, your report on page 208 says that Mr. Biden couldn’t come up with the date, the year, of his son Beau Biden’s death, when in fact in the transcript that you asked him the month, and do you know what he said, Mr. Hur? he said ‘oh god, May 30th.’ would you like to correct the record? his memory was pretty firm on the month and the day.”
Hur: “congresswoman, I don’t believe that’s correct in respect to the transcript. but if you could refer me to a specific page, I’d be happy to look.”
Dean: “to clarify for you, sir, Mr. Hur, from the transcription, page 82. the words are President Biden’s. ‘what month did Beau die? oh god, May 30th.’”

Hur ‘doesn’t believe that’s correct’? look at him flip through his copy of the transcript, totally bewildered to find his own words staring him back in the face. how could this have happened?

did Democrats use the hearing to contrast the difference between Biden and Trump? you fucking well bet they did. bring it, Ted Lieu:

Lieu: “here’s my first question. in your investigation, did you find that President Biden directed his lawyer to lie to the FBI?”
Hur: “we identified no such evidence.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden directed his lawyer to destroy classified documents?”
Hur: “nope.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden directed his personal assistant to move boxes of documents and hide them from the FBI?”
Hur: “no.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden directed his personal assistant to delete security camera footage, after the FBI asked for that footage?”
Hur: “no.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden showed a classified map related to an ongoing military operation to a campaign aide who did not have clearance.”
Hur: no.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden engaged in a conspiracy to obstruct justice?”
Hur: “no.”
Lieu: “did you find that President Biden engaged in a scheme to conceal?”
Hur: “no.”
Lieu: “each of the activities I just laid out describe what Donald Trump did in his willful mishandling of classified information and his criminal efforts to deceive the FBI. in contrast, President Biden handed over documents without delay and complied fully with investigators.

Adam Schiff took Hur to the woodshed and beat him like a rented mule.

Schiff: “what you did write was deeply prejudicial to the interest of president, and you say it wasn’t political, and yet must have understood — you must have understood the impact of your words. you must have understood the impact of your decision to go beyond the specifics of a particular document to go … to your own prejudicial opinion about the president — one you knew would be amplified by his political opponent. you knew that would influence a political campaign. you had to understand that.”

Republicans, for their part, were also hella mad at Hur — for not charging Biden with any crimes. here’s GOP Rep Tom Tiffany:

“I want to thank you for the work you did as far as you could, but unfortunately you are part of the praetorian guard that guards that swamp out here in Washington DC, protecting the elites.”

yeah, Hur certainly protected the elites, all right — by igniting a month-long feeding frenzy over Sleepy Joe’s imaginary decline. only in Republicanland does that make any fucking sense.

and they were pissed off at Merrick Garland, too — for releasing the transcript.

“I don’t think it serves this process well for the Justice Department to dump these transcripts into the public right now.”

yes, it’s so unfair of Garland to prevent Republicans from being able to lie about Biden’s cognitive acuity — because without lies, the GOP ain’t got shit.

boo fucking hoo, crybabies.

honestly, the whole hearing could have been an email:

Scott Fitzgerald: “Attorney Hur, Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘senile’ as ‘exhibiting a decline of cognitive ability, such as memory associated with old age.’ Mr Hur, based on your report, did you find that the president was senile?”
Hur: “I did not.”

end of story.

the hearing ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.

so I guess that’s it for the impeach Joe Biden for being old thing — but don’t worry, it won’t be too long before the Jimmys get a hankering for kicking themselves in the nuts again, and concoct some new cockamamie reason for impeaching Biden. it’s a long way to November, and Dear Leader demands an impeachment, so he can have something to run on besides I don’t want to go to prison.

it’s probably too much to ask our worthless corporate-controlled media to stop letting themselves get played by Republican operatives and MAGA stooges like Robert Hur. they could have demanded to see the actual transcripts, insteal of falling all over each other in a mad dash to be the first to report that Sleepy Brandon is senile.

Democrats, can we talk? there’s a lesson for you to learn here: this “we’re appointing a Republican to investigate us in order to appear fair” bullshit doesn’t work.

it didn’t work when Janet Reno named Robert Fisk and Ken Starr to investigate Bill Clinton.

it didn’t work when Barack Obama let James Comey go after the email lady.

and it sure as hell did not work when Merrick Garland appointed MAGA operative Robert Hur. for fuck’s sake, Hur is the guy wrote the false summary that Bill Barr used to mislead everyone about the Mueller Report. this is the guy you choose to investigate Biden?

Republicans will fuck you every time. stop giving them the opportunity.

notice that Republicans never appoint Democrats to head investigations. why do you think that is?

figure it out.