Democrats, wake the fuck up and learn how to fight

cut this high-minded non-partisan shit right now

Robert Hur’s biased and unprofessional hit job on Joe Biden didn’t happen in a vacuum. this high-minded mania that Democrats have for allowing themselves to get played by right-wing Special Counsels goes back at least 30 years.

in 1994, the wingnut howler-monkey infrastructure was shrieking for an investgation into a land deal in which Bill and Hillary Clinton lost money. then-Attorney General Janet Reno, wanting to appear all fair-minded and non-partisan and shit, appointed a Republican Special Counsel, Robert Fiske, to head what became known as the Whitewater Investigation.

Fiske concluded that the Clintons had done nothing criminal, but the panel of three ultra-conservative judges who oversaw the Counsel were all fuck no, you useless dick, “innocent” not the answer we’re looking for and — because this is how the Special Counsel thing worked back then, thanks to a law signed by Bill Clinton, who also didn’t want to appear partisan — they fired Fiske and replaced him with pantysniffing prig Kenneth Starr.

Starr, of course, quite famously wasted tens of millions of taxpayer dollars and turned the failed-land-deal investigation into a prosecution and impeachment over a blow job.

(fun true fact: did you know that the Starr Report — which was pretty much low-grade pornographic filth from cover to cover — was partially authored by none other than Brett Kavanaugh, the future Supreme Court Justice who was so blackout drunk all the way through prep school and college that he literally has no idea how many women he assaulted? weird how the same shitweasels keep popping up every time there’s fuckery afoot.)

“I like beer — and porn.”

all of this happened because Janet Reno didn’t want to apppear “partisan.”

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in July 2016, the FBI concluded its investigation into But Her Emails, clearing Hillary Clinton of any wrongdoing, noting that “no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case.”

but “oh well, I guess we couldn’t find anything” wasn’t good enough for Republican FBI Director James Comey and he issued his own pissy little statement, calling Hillary “extremely careless” and whining about the State Department’s “security culture.”

then, six days before the 2016 election, Comey announced that — lo and behold — he had FoUnD mOrE EmAiLs.

the jackals of the media — led of course by The New York Fucking Times — had a field day with that, and it probably changed the course of history.

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which is why this bullshit happening right now with Robert Hur — another sore loser who can’t take “there isn’t any wrongdoing here” for an answer — is sending a familiar chill up our spines.

it’s déjà vu all over again.

once again, we have a Democratic Attorney General — this time, Merrick Garland — obsessed with appearing nonpartisan and appointing a far-right operative — this time, the 100% MAGA Robert Hur — to lead an investigation.

once again, we have a blatantly political hit job from an investigator who couldn’t find any crimes.

and once again, we have a feeding frenzy from a corporate-controlled media eager to transform a “one guy is decent, the other is a fascist lunatic” clear-choice election into a both-sides-have-issues shitfest.

the answer is “no, fuck no — what the fuck is wrong with you?”

it gets better: House Republicans are planning on using Hur’s report as a pretext for more harassment of Joe Biden.

House Republicans have reached out to special counsel Robert Hur to discuss having him testify in front of the House Judiciary Committee about his report on President Joe Biden’s handling of classified documents, according to three sources with direct knowledge of the matter.

so now we can look forward to Comer Fudd and the degenerate wrestling coach wasting everyone’s time on more farcical hearings.

fucking awesome. heck of a job, Merrick.

Republicans don’t do this to themselves. Republicans don’t give a fuck about appearing non-partisan and they sure as fuck don’t care about any sucker-game bullshit like fairness.

you’re never going to see a Republican Attorney General appoint Elie Mystal to investigate a Republican president.

in fact, what you did see was this: Republican Bill Barr named Republican Robert Mueller to investigate Republican Donald Trump, and then he had Republicans Rod Rosenstein and Robert Hur (I told you, the same shitweasels keep popping up over and over) breathe down Mueller’s neck and hamstring him with limitations into what he could investigate, and how much time he had to do it in — all with the goal of making sure that Little Donny Fuckface never faced serious consequences.

when Mueller issued his report, Barr sat on it for a week, and came out with his own misleading summary that said Trump was fully exonerated.

the public howled with outrage. Bill Barr smirked his self-satisfied smirk.

because this is how Republicans roll. fuck you, we do what we want.

Democrats, cut this fucking high-minded shit right now. learn from history.

finally, let me conclude with words from the indespensable Charles Pierce, who sums up how we’re all feeling right now.

Merrick Garland Needs to Be Thanked For His Service and Shown the Door

I have come to the sad conclusion that, like Brian Wilson, Attorney General Merrick Garland just wasn't made for these times, and, like Tom Hagen, he’s just not a wartime consigliere. I hung in there longer than most people I know. But, this week, the case against him got overwhelming. The man needs to be thanked for his service and then shown the door.

He is not equipped to use all the tools god gave the Department of Justice to thwart the genuine threat to the Republic that is El Caudillo del Mar-A-Lago, and the dangerous political climate he has created.

go read the whole thing. shoot it into your veins.