Preznit Fuckwit finally gets his beady-eyed pig-face on money

and Piss-Drunk Pete prattles on about t-levels

Mad King Donny and his royal court of sewer clowns never stop coming up with new ways of wasting America’s time on stupid bullshit.

hey, let’s knock down the historic East Wing and put up some ramshackle Epstein Dance Hall™ in its place. let’s throw a birthday party on the National Mall, only let’s make it such a rinky-dink piece of crap that no one shows up. let’s clownfuck the Reflecting Pool into something unrecognizable — and then let’s arrest the shit out of anyone who touches it.

wait, I know — let’s put Donny’s big, dumb pumpkin face on money.

check out what that smug, haughty bastard Soybean Scott Bessent posted to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium:

As America commemorates 250 years of independence, the @usmint will begin striking this new $1 gold coin to honor the enduring legacy of liberty and a lasting symbol of patriotism. Featuring President Trump, it celebrates the strength of American values, and the promise of a nation dedicated to preserving freedom for all.

awesome. just what America needs, more trashy totems to Dear Leader.

who is this for? it’s not for you or me. it’s not for We the People. if someone tries to fob one of these pieces of shit off on me, I’m going to be all, ‘get that thing the fuck away from me.’

it’s not even for MAGA. what are the cultists going to do with it? shove in their pocket and forget about it, that’s what. it’s worthless. nothing costs a dollar any more. you can’t even stick it in a parking meter.

this useless bauble is for one person only: the colicky piss-baby narcissist whose ugly mug appears on it. ‘hurr hurr hurr! get a load of me, I’m just like a Roman emperor!’

it’s all so un-American. it goes against everything our country is supposed to stand for. no other president has felt the need to have their ego stroked by the constant affirmation of having their face on everything.

you know who thought this shit was abhorrent? George Fucking Washington, that’s who. when George caught wind of a plan to put his face on currency, he was all ‘are you kidding me? fuck that shit and fuck it hard. we just fought a whole revolution against that kingly bullshit, remember?’ — and so Washington’s face didn’t appear on the dollar until 1869.

not even Donny’s despot snugglebunny Kim Jong-un puts his own face on North Korean money. that’s just wonderful — Kim has more in common with George Washington than he does with America’s Dear Leader.

but Donny has been super horny to have his face on money for some time now. a plan to stick his dopey visage on a $250 bill has apparently gone nowhere, and so this is his consolation prize: a golden one-dollar coin with some ludicrously cleaned-up version of his ‘look at me, I’m so defiant’ mug shot. what a heartwarming reminder that our convicted felon president has been arrested four times. he’s number one!

let’s do a quick fact check. does Donny look anything like his new vanity coin?

yeeesh.

oh, and just like all the gaudy crap that Donny has glued onto the walls of the Oval Bordello, this accursed abomination isn’t even real gold.

The coins have a gold-like finish but a non-precious metal composition. They are being minted in Philadelphia and are expected to be available in the fall.

what an infuriating waste of time and resources.

no one asked for this. no one said, ‘please, Oh Great And Wise Dear Leader, please stick your dipshit face on everything. tart up the entire White House in bordello gold, and build useless monuments to yourself all over Washington DC.’

no one asked for any of that shit — and no one needs it, either.

none of what Donny’s flunkies are getting up to these days is about governing, or making life better for We the People.

it’s about stroking the ego of a fragile little boy whose unloving tyrant father always told him he was a loser.

it’s all so fucking stupid.

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Soybean Scott wasn’t the only sewer clown busy posting onto Elon’s Nazi Bar yesterday. our piss-drunk Secretary of Death was getting up to his own stupid bullshit.

I’m not even going to bother posting the video. it’s two-and-a-half minutes of Pete yammering away about how totally fucking awesome lethality is. I’ll just quote the stupidest part.

“today, I’m authorizing a new screening program for testosterone deficiency for our service members, ensuring you have the right testosterone levels to operate at your absolute best. warfighters age 30 and older are going to be tested annually. those under 30 can choose to voluntarily get the test as well.”

this is some counterfactual manosphere mumbo-jumbo right here, the idea that warfighters can’t warfight at their warfightingest best unless they’re pumped so full of testosterone that it’s coming out of their eyeballs.

Piss-Drunk Pete is not a serious person. he’s a crackpot, just like everyone else in the Donnyverse. obsessing about testosterone is the kind of dipshittery you get your brain pickled by if you spend too much time hanging out on Elon’s Nazi Bar. no normal person goes around talking about ‘high-T.’

if you had started explaining to George Patton or Dwight Eisenhower about how they needed to worry about their ‘T-levels,’ they’d have never stopped smacking your face. they had an actual war to win, and they didn’t have time for your stupid bullshit.

so, what about women in the military? are they now going to be tested for their hormone levels, too? the BBC asked that very question, and this is the answer they got.

the Pentagon said it had no comment.

of course they had no comment. women are an afterthought in Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand’s He-Man Army.

if I were Pete, I’d be more concerned with my blood-alcohol level than my testosterone level, but that’s just me. I’d also work on my skateboard prowess.

it’s all so eternally exhausting. every goddamned day, the nonstop firehose of fuckery gets sprayed in our faces. one day it’s the Strait of Hormuz. the next day it’s Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham. then it’s race cars on the streets of DC. after that, explosive ass-geyser mayhem.

yesterday it was golden coins and testosterone — oh, and fucking magnets, too.

“and the same thing with uh, the— MAGNETIC elevators. we want ’em to be— made hydraulic, which you can be— hit by— LIGHTNING, it could be hit by anything. when a little water touches the magnet, it doesn’t work any more. you’re run— you’re, you’re in the Atlantic Ocean with waves that are sixty feet high, and the Pacific Ocean with waves that are seventy feet high, and they’re talking about magnets. it makes ya wanna get sick.”

that was our Self-Styled-Expert-on-Everything-in-Chief, at the U.S. Army War College in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, dumbfucksplaining why he abhors magnetic-based tech in aircraft carriers: because magnets stop working when they get wet — which just might be the stupidest thing to have ever seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth.

he’s such a fucking idiot.

look, don’t take my word for it. Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot was made for this shit.

No, magnets do not stop working when wet. The magnetic field passes through water just as it does through air. The physics of magnetism are completely unaffected by water.

optimally, you’d prefer that the President of the United States and the dumbest fucking moron on the planet were two different people — but we don’t have the luxury of living in that timeline. we live in the shitty one. lucky us.

let’s not even talk about the rest of what Donny said yesterday. you’d just get stupider as a result. just know that after gibbering like a lunatic for almost an hour, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants fell the fuck asleep.

that is such low-T behavior. has this guy been tested yet?

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let’s get out of here with some Daily Claudia.

this morning, upon waking up, I found a text waiting for me on my phone, from Ms Spouse’s bff Kathy. ‘have you used this one? 9/2/24,’ it read, with a photo attached.

no, I hadn’t — but now I have. thank you, Kathy.

have a great Thursday, everyone. don’t let your magnets get wet.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.