play stupid games, win stupid prizes: how MAGAs end up fucking themselves

Tina Peters is the latest in a long line of patsies

play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

it’s a lesson MAGA refuses to learn. over and over, Donny’s cultists prove to be their own worst enemies. they allow Dear Leader to fill their heads with fever-dream fairy-tale nonsense such as if you don’t fight, we won’t have a country — yet somehow, it’s always Donny’s worshipers who end up on the wrong end of stupid prizes, and never Donny.

just ask Enrique Tarrio, the Proud Boy who stood back and stood by and is now doing 22 years in prison for seditious conspiracy. ask any of the currently-imprisoned insurrectionists who went ape-shit on January 6th. ask any of the lawyers who are now broke and disbarred because they drank Dear Leader’s courtroom kool aid.

or ask Tina Peters — because Tina just taught a master class in how to fuck your own sweet life.

pre-Donny, Tina’s life was blissfully un-fucked. she just went about her daily business as county clerk for Mesa County, Colorado.

then, one fine day in 2021, after listening to Dear Leader drone on one too many times about how the election was RIGGED and STOLLEN from him, Tina went a little funny in the head. she decided that breaking into the Mesa County election offices, disabling the security cameras, and tampering with Dominion voting machines would be a super fucking awesome way of proving … what? we’re not sure, because in 2020, Donny won Mesa County by a large margin. if there were any rigging and stollening going on in 2020, it wasn’t happening in Mesa — but logic and reason have never been MAGA’s strong suit.

when cops came to arrest Tina, she actively resisted — because why be content with being charged with attempting to influence a public official; conspiracy to commit criminal impersonation; official misconduct; violation of duty; and failure to comply with an order of the Secretary of State, when you can add obstructing government operations to the mix?

Video from a witness shared by 9News shows Peters trying to pull away from officers as they restrain her arms, and shouting “let go of me” repeatedly at police. 

“It hurts. Let go of me, give me my keys.”

She then appeared to kick at the officer, who responded, “Do not kick, do you understand?” 

in August, Tina was convicted on seven of the ten counts against her.

yesterday, at her sentencing, she told the judge, “I’m not a criminal, and I don’t deserve to go to a prison where other people committed heinous crimes.”

how perfectly delusional. I’m not a criminal, I’m a freedom fighter. Dear Leader said so!

Tina also told the judge that she couldn’t go to prison because she needs to sleep on — and I shit you not — a quote-unquote “magnetic mattress.”

but the judge was all yeah, no, you suck — now fuck straight off to prison.

in his sentencing decision, Barrett said Peters used her privilege “to obtain power, a following and fame.”

“You are no hero, you abused your position, and you’re a charlatan who used and is still using your prior position in office to peddle a snake oil that’s been proven to be a snake oil time and time again,” the judge remarked before handing down the sentence.

upon being sentenced to nine years behind bars, Tina was handcuffed and taken directly to jail. she did not pass go, nor did she collect two hundred dollars.

Tina ruined her own life, because she let a 34-count convicted felon fill her head with fantasies. does Donny give one shit that Tina went to prison for him? oh please, Donny has already forgotten she exists — if he ever knew in the first place.

play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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here’s another heartwarming story of Republicans fucking themselves — and in the process, their entire state.

the devastation to North Carolina caused by Hurricane Helene was a lot worse than it should have been, thanks to a 15-year effort by the state’s GOP to deregulate the fuck out of the the housing industry.

Over the past 15 years, North Carolina lawmakers have rejected limits on construction on steep slopes, which might have reduced the number of homes lost to landslides; blocked a rule requiring homes to be elevated above the height of an expected flood; weakened protections for wetlands, increasing the risk of dangerous storm water runoff; and slowed the adoption of updated building codes, making it harder for the state to qualify for federal climate-resilience grants.

North Carolinians could have been living in homes that stood a better chance of withstanding high winds and floods, but the state’s construction industry was all are you insane? don’t fuck with our profit margin — and the Republican-controlled legislature was only too happy to comply.

Those decisions reflect the influence of North Carolina’s home building industry, which has consistently fought rules forcing its members to construct homes to higher, more expensive standards, according to Kim Wooten, an engineer who serves on the North Carolina Building Code Council, the group that sets home building requirements for the state.

North Carolina’s Republicans played stupid games — unfortunately, it was the entire state that won stupid prizes.

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hey, Donny Convict is a piece of shit. yes, you knew that already — but here’s a new piece of shittery that shows just how unfit this overgrown man-baby is to wield power.

I wrote the other day about Donny’s abysmal response to natural disasters during his playskool presidency — how he let Puerto Ricans drown in the dark, and then blamed it on too much ocean, and how he shortchanged North Carolina, giving them only 1% of the money they needed for rebuilding.

well, get ready for a new low in childish pettiness.

after California’s Orange County burned to the ground in 2018, Donny’s initial reaction was fuck those liberal fucks, they didn’t vote for me.

Mark Harvey, who was Trump’s senior director for resilience policy on the National Security Council staff, told E&E News on Wednesday that Trump initially refused to approve disaster aid for California after deadly wildfires in 2018 because of the state’s Democratic leanings.

Donny’s appalled staff had to literally draw him a picture that showed that Orange County had in fact more Republicans than Democrats among its residents.

But Harvey said Trump changed his mind after Harvey pulled voting results to show him that heavily damaged Orange County, California, had more Trump supporters than the entire state of Iowa.

only then did Donny say ok, turn that big money faucet or whatever.

by the way, how ignorant is Donny? everyone in the world knows that Orange County is a Republican stronghold. it’s been that way for generations. but somehow, Donny never got the memo. inside his infantile brain, Iowa good, California bad.

the fuckery didn’t only play out with Orange County. over and over, Donny would refuse to help those he imagined were disloyal.

Olivia Troye, who played a lead role in federal disaster response, said local political leaders regularly called her office begging for help because Trump refused to sign documents approving aid. Troye said she had to repeatedly enlist former Vice President Mike Pence to apply pressure.

Added Harvey: “There’s no empathy for the survivors. It is all about getting your photo-op, right? Disaster theater to make him look good.”

“disaster theater” — sound familiar? we saw this only days ago, when Donny forced relief workers to stop what they were doing so they could build a pointless brick barricade for him to stand behind while he disrupted their recovery efforts.

Joe Biden understands that a president is president of the entire country.

Kamala Harris understands this, too.

but not Donny. he’s a retribution-obsessed grievance factory. you didn’t vote for me? go fuck yourself. Donny sees the presidency as just one more protection racket. nice country you got here. be a real shame if something happened to it.

Donny’s been playing stupid games his entire life. let’s defeat him this November, so that Jack Smith and Fani Willis and Letitia James can help him collect all the stupid prizes he so richly deserves.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.