demented golfer visits disaster area, spews lies and makes it all about himself

and the press sanewashes the shit out of it

yesterday, Little Donny Convict did what he does best — he found a camera to stand in front of so he could be the center of attention.

Donny went down to hurricane-ravaged Valdosta, Georgia, and forced local authorities to divert time and resources that should have been going to disaster recovery on him and his dipshit dog-and-pony show instead.

look at this preening asshole.

relief workers had to interrupt what they were doing in order to build a pointless wall out of bricks from a storm-destroyed furniture store, so that he could do some look at me, I’m all presidential cosplay.

check out this lying fuckface weasel.

reporter: “have you reached out to President Biden about federal relief efforts?”

Donny: “no, I haven’t reached out to him. I think he’s sleeping right now, actually being responsive. the federal government is not being responsive. they’re having a very hard time getting the president on the phone. he won’t get on. and of course, the vice president, he’s out someplace campaigning, looking for money.”

okay, first of all: why is the reporter asking Donny if he’s reached out to Joe Biden? Donny is a private citizen who currently holds no power. the only thing he’s in charge of right now is desperately trying to avoid dying in prison. can the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media please stop treating this criminal with deference?

second of all, can someone please remind Donny that the current vice president of the United States is a she? I know that pronouns aren’t really a thing that Republicans respect — but Christ on a cucumber, you demented doofus, get it right.

oh, and Kamala wasn’t out campaigning or fundraising yesterday. she was at FEMA, being briefed on storm damage.

finally, Donny’s claim that they’re having a very hard time getting the president on the phone was a bullshit lie. President Biden has absolutely been in contact with Georgia Governor Kemp.

“the president just called me yesterday afternoon. I missed him and called him right back and he just said ‘hey, what do you need?’ and I told him, you know, we got what we need, we’ll work through the federal process. he offered if there’s other things we need, just to call him directly, which I appreciate.”

Donald Fucking Trump. as always with this guy, every accusation is a confession.

here’s a cool little trip down memory lane.

Trump failed to adequately prepare the country for hurricanes by leaving disaster response positions open months into his term. After Trump’s FEMA botched the response to Hurricane Maria, Trump downplayed the suffering, claiming it was not a “real catastrophe like Katrina.” After Hurricane Harvey took 88 lives and caused $130 billion in damage in Texas, Trump joked that the state made a “fortune.” 

that Donny, what a jokester. what an irrepressible scamp. remember what he said to some poor schnook after Hurricane Florence destroyed his house and left someone’s boat in his front yard?

“At least you got a nice boat out of the deal,” he said, with a smile.

fucking hilarious.

remember this?

The State of North Carolina requested $929 million from the federal government to help with costs associated with Hurricane Matthew, but the state will be receiving far less than that, according to an announcement by Gov. Roy Cooper.

North Carolina will receive only $6.1 million from the Trump administration. That’s 99 percent less than the requested amount.

In a letter Cooper sent to the president and other officials today, he expressed “shock and disappointment in the lack of federal funding for Hurricane Matthew recovery efforts.”

hey, remember when Hurricane Maria left most of Puerto Rico without power? Donny didn’t give a shit what happened there. he left American citizens to drown in the dark — and then actually tried to convince us that he really really really wanted to help, but couldn’t, because the fucking ocean was in the way.

“The response and recovery effort probably has never been seen for something like this. This is an island surrounded by water. Big water. Ocean water.”

“big water.” this overgrown man-baby with his kindergarten vocabulary.

and then the useless shithead went down there and lobbed paper towels. oh gee, thanks, you’re a huge help.

then we found out that this racist bastard deliberately roadblocked billions in relief aid to Puerto Rico.

The Trump administration delayed more than $20bn in hurricane relief aid for Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria, according to a report by the housing department’s office of the inspector General.

The efforts to deliver recovery funding to the island were “unnecessarily delayed by bureaucratic obstacles”, according to the 46-page report. The hurricane, which hit the island in 2017, killed thousands of people and left thousands more without electricity or water for months.

here’s another stultifyingly stupid thing that Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants said at yesterday’s brick-wall camera-op.

“nobody thought this would be happening, especially now it’s so late in the season for the hurricanes.”

are you fucking kidding me? late September/early October is peak hurricane season. as the owner of a dilapidated Florida golf motel that’s right on the ocean, Donny should know this — but he’s always so caught off guard by current events. this stumblefuck’s reaction to everything is always nobody thought this would happen. nobody’s ever seen anything like this. hey dummy, stop watching Fox News for five minutes and find out what’s going on in the world.

I know what you’re going to ask next: did the press sanewash this drivel? of course they did. CNN inexplicably cast Donny’s divisive presser as a “message of unity.”

go home, CNN — you’re drunk.

now get ready to pick your jaw off the floor as you witness a stunning bit of journalist dumbfuckery. later in the day, after Donny’s accusation that Sleepy Joe was asleep, no one could get him on the phone had been thoroughly debunked by Governor Kemp, a reporter actually had the nerve to say to President Biden, “Donald Trump has accused you of ignoring the disaster.”

Biden: “he’s lying. let me get this straight: he’s lying. and the governor told him he was lying. I’ve spoken to the governor, I’ve spent time with him and he told me he’s lying. I don’t know why he does this — and the reason I get so angry about it, I don't care about what he says about me, but I care what he communicates to the people that are in need. he implies that we’re not doing everything possible. we are. I assume you heard the Republican Governor of Georgia talk about that. he was on the phone with me, more than once. so that’s simply not true. and it’s irresponsible.”

Joe’s right. it’s irresponsible of Donny to lie — but lying is what Donny does, which makes it doubly irresponsible for the press to amplify Donny’s lies.

do fucking better.

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tonight. your favorite uncle who taught you how to fish is going to debate the creepy weirdo who lives down the street — the one who peeks through his blinds and writes something down in a notebook every time a woman walks past his house.

it should be a cakewalk. Uncle Tim Walz is a plain-spoken truth-teller who has one of the highest approval ratings of any American politician, and Couchfuck McGee is a mendacious shitnozzle who is so repellent that he’s despised even by his own party.

but a cakewalk it won’t be, because CBS has decided to abrogate their responsibility to actually, y’know, moderate the debate.

CBS News, hosting vice presidential candidates JD Vance and Tim Walz for the general election campaign’s third debate next week, says it will be up to the politicians — not the moderators — to check the facts of their opponents.

this is a recipe for disaster. Vance is going to tell one lie after another, and Walz is going to have to waste time debunking the lies — and then Vance will tell another lie, rinse and repeat.

Uncle Tim should turn the tables. his opening statement should be “JD Vance fucked a couch. he took out his dick and stuck it in a sofa and we all know it happened.”

and then we can all enjoy watching JD waste time trying to deny it.

it’ll never happen, but hey — a guy can dream.

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and, lastly, HAPPY ONE HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY to Jimmy Carter.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.