244 Comments
author

I regret to inform you that the "Trump worried about Pecker leaking" pic I posted yesterday is fake. UNSUBSCRIBE

Expand full comment

Hahaha…but so funny!

Expand full comment

"Pecker will wrap up his testimony today and then there will no further opportunties to make these childish jokes. I promise."

Nah! Jeff, we are all counting on you to find a way.

Expand full comment

Howdy ho! The billionaire business man who put up Trump's bond is named Hanky. Mr. Hanky. If you don't see the comedy in that, ask someone who watches South Park.

We can only hope that on Monday the jury didn't get enough pecker, and want some more.

Expand full comment

I've been singing (yes, I'm really that old) "His banky does the Hanky-panky" for weeks now.

Expand full comment

And the Christmas poo!

Expand full comment

Well unfortunately I just re-upped my subscription, so I guess I guess I’m stuck here for the next year. 🤣

Expand full comment

Poor baby.....

Expand full comment

I know. But somehow I’ll get through it.

Expand full comment

Sniff...

Expand full comment

It’s probably true, it just wasn’t on the MSNBC crawl. He should be worried about his asshole leaking too.

Expand full comment

Actually, it's the people around him that need to be worried. And frightened. And near panic. And ready to run at any moment. Everyone in the courtroom needs to have an exit plan. They need to know where the nearest exit is, and be aware that it might be behind them. In the event of a water landing... Sorry, I got a little carried away there.

Expand full comment

Nah, they just need gas masks.

Expand full comment

They are in "need" of $1,200 per billing-hours.

The new teak decks on a million-dollar yacht don't pay for themselves.

Expand full comment

ewww! Can you imagine sitting next to the orange gasbag! 🤢

Expand full comment

If I did, hopefully you'd deposit some candy bar money into my jail account.

Expand full comment

Of course I would.

Expand full comment

Still sounds funny!

Expand full comment

Is the pix you used today of him sleeping real?

Expand full comment
author

no, I think it's AI. I don't think there are any actual photos of Trump sleeping in court, though I would LOVE to be proven wrong

Expand full comment

I knew it was fake bc they made him look almost human….

Expand full comment

in this case, I don't care if it's real or not!!....anything drumpf related that makes me laugh at this point is what's important!

Expand full comment

I have a couple of them. I believe that they are actual photos and the courtroom artist had enough time to draw him sleeping while he was sleeping... And farting.

Expand full comment

Not sufficiently slack-jawed or drooling. (But, to be fair, I'd hope to sleep through my trial and I deeply pity the jurors who have to stay awake for it. I can barely stay awake for an MRI without my Kindle.)

Expand full comment

No being fair to a traitorous lying sack of liquid shit,

Expand full comment

I'm an art school graduate, and it's quite clear to me that it's either a painting or AI generated. Also, in the picture, he is wearing a red tie and last week he wore a blue tie to court. But he did wear a red tie today-- When did you see the picture, Jeff?

Expand full comment

We’ll have to rely on the sketch artist to get draw a pic of the sketchy con artist.

Expand full comment

Now that one does look real, the one Jeff had is AI generated

Expand full comment

Couldn't be. Not orange enough, not saggy and wrinkled enough.

Expand full comment

Hate sure does age people!

Expand full comment

Yes, Laura Loomer is a good example.

Expand full comment

Saw it in my Faux-"news" addicted sister. She's gone now.

Expand full comment

Saw it in my Faux-"news" addicted sister. She's gone now.

Expand full comment

Saw it in my Faux-"news" addicted sister. She's gone now.

Expand full comment

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought it was creepily AI generated. As if he's not creepy enough.

Expand full comment
founding

It was genius! Boost subscription. I’m toying with the idea that it originated with Nicole Wallace or one of her writers on the show and the powers that be put the kibosh on it. Don’t disabuse me of my notion - it makes me happy.

Expand full comment

You won’t get rid of us that easily. As if!!! Super props on this and every day’s writing, and your mad skillz keeping us all sane.

Expand full comment

Sometimes fiction (or AI) can reveal a greater truth.

Expand full comment
founding

I’m still sending it to family and friends. It’s hilarious!

Expand full comment

Don’t care..it was perfect!

Expand full comment

Worth it.

Expand full comment

We will forgive you for that one, and it SHOULD HAVE BEEN REAL, in my book!

Expand full comment

Oopsy. Too late bro.

Expand full comment

It was too perfect! <3

Expand full comment

I’m sick of holding my breath waiting for this fucker to be held accountable for his 6? 7? decades of criming. Lock his ass away FFS!

Expand full comment
Apr 23·edited Apr 23

If SCOTUS doesn't shut down that immunity claim, and nail it shut, he'll find a way to d3lay that shit after the election.

I want the motherfucker to go all the fuck away. I never want to hear the name again, except for his family tearing at each other over the remains of his pyrite empire. Is that too much to ask????

Expand full comment

I am supremely afraid of the Supreme Court. Ari Berman's recent interview on "Fresh Air" with Terri Gross will anger, frustrate and worry you about how a minority put our Senate in power and that minority rule senate put our SCOTUS in power.

https://www.npr.org/2024/04/22/1246297603/ari-berman-minority-rule-electoral-college

I live in California. The equal power of Wyoming, where the deer and the antelope play more than real voters, doesn't feel reassuring (no offense against WY peeps, deer or antelopes). What you will learn from Ari is that minority rule is real, worse than the concessions the founding fathers made, and frankly shocking:

"On how the two Senator per state representation affects minority rule. Just to give you one really stunning stat, by 2040, 70% of the population is going to live in 15 states with 30 senators. That means that 30% of the country, which is going to be whiter, more rural, more conservative, is going to elect 70% of the U.S. Senate. So the trend in the U.S. Senate is becoming more imbalanced and more undemocratic. And what's really interesting to me is a lot of conservatives want to go back and they want to quote the framers, but they ignore that a lot of the framers, including James Madison, the architect of the Constitution, had grave concerns about some of the institutions they were creating, particularly the structure of the U.S. Senate."

Expand full comment
Apr 23·edited Apr 23

I am, too. I have a very bad feeling about this. There just are too many corrupted individuals serving as SCOTUS Justices. In fact, there are SIX. That could save Trump. These people would think nothing about crushing "the left" under their bootheels with Project 2025.

Expand full comment

The numbers you quote have been eating away at me for many years. It's OBVIOUS how unfair the situation is, but it never changes. "[W]hat's really interesting to me is a lot of conservatives want to go back and they want to quote the framers, but they ignore that a lot of the framers ... had grave concerns about some of the institutions they were creating..." BINGO.

Expand full comment

Time to move to the other states and swing the election - Mark Meadows and Tuberville do it

Expand full comment

Mitch McConnell has ruined the Senate beyond repair with his SCOTUS shenanigans. We have been subjected to minority rule for decades

Expand full comment

"Pyrite empire"--genius!

Expand full comment

Honorable mention for sure in the Tiedrich Hall of Fame. You should be proud.

Expand full comment

I’m with you on that, but I fear that they may well clear the path for him on this issue. Three out of five were named by trump, one is in a serious conflict of interest, and the other is a hard core trumpist. That leaves the 3 who were nominated by a Democrat president and the Chief Justice.

Expand full comment

They can delay the Jan 6 trial by sending it back to the district court for review; but keep in mind that any immunity ruling would apply to all Presidents; not just Trump. It really wouldn't be in their best interest to establish that the President can use Seal Team 6 to adjust the ideological make-up of the court.

Expand full comment
Apr 23·edited Apr 23

What's good for Stinky is good for Joe.

Expand full comment

And the Justices know it. The clueless pundits don’t connect the dots. Yet.

Expand full comment

But hard for even this court to ignore the finely wrought 50+ page ruling by the appellate court. I don't think they will grant the immunity scam, but they are certainly slow walking the process, which will delay the trial probably until after the election.

Expand full comment

It's a big enough issue, like will be part of Constitutional law textbooks big, that these guys want to pee a circle around it. They can't let such an important question be decided by a lower court...of women.

Expand full comment

And the Court doesn't really have to slow walk this matter, since, as you say, it is an important issue. Irritating.

Expand full comment

"slow walking the process" AKA "torture"

Expand full comment

They appellate court made a thoughtful & correct judgement. The SCOTUS should never have taken up the case. It’s absurd to claim that a President can claim immunity for any & all crimes committed while in office

Expand full comment

I actually think Barrett will side with the 3 liberals, then if Roberts will just realize if he doesn’t side with the ladies his court will lose the remaining tiny bit of legitimacy that is has left.

Expand full comment

👏🏻👍💓👍💓👍

Expand full comment

I sure hope you’re right, although I don’t trust Barrett as far as I can throw her.

Expand full comment

I don’t like saying this, but, I’m hoping he strokes out. It would save US never having to look at that subhuman again and hopefully his cult would go away.

Expand full comment

I wish for that exact thing every single day. And I don’t feel bad about it

Expand full comment

I don’t either. He’s the only one I’ve ever hoped would stroke out. At least I’m not the only one wishing for a trumpy stroke out. I’m sure we’re not the only ones.

Expand full comment

Is it only my demented mind, or is it ridiculous for Trump and his hand-picked SCOTUS to endow the President with super immunity for ANYTHING seeing as how it's Joe Biden who is President? Was it Napoleon or Bismark or someone like that who said: "Never disturb your enemy when he is making a mistake" ?

Expand full comment

Pyrite—fool’s gold. Wonderful, Susan!

Expand full comment

🎯❤️Pyrite empire...fools gold, too clever!

Expand full comment

I’m with you 100%

Expand full comment

AMEN!

Expand full comment

He's facing 4 years per count multiply that by 34. His attorneys basically fucked him during opening arguments by claiming he was "innocent" so now it's THEIR burden to prove. To lock him up for violating the gag order would be counterintuitive to what Judge Merchan and the prosecution is trying to obtain. 4 years per count! Merchan is making sure that every T is crossed and I dotted. IOW, if they throw him in jail for contempt of court, the defense can claim that Merchan is biased and then call for a mistral.

So what's more important? Him spending a few days in a jail cell for running his mouth? Or justice for the crimes he committed to fuck us all over in 2016? Patience is a virtue and justice is coming.

Expand full comment

Agree with you there, I'm for the long term justice.

Expand full comment

Great comment!!!

I’m for the long term Justice.

Expand full comment

They’ll never put him in prison 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞

Expand full comment

I am pretty sure that he is going to prison. The SS is having meetings with, I believe the prison where he will reside, as to how they can protect him when he is incarcerated. If he gets the max of 72 years (highly doubtful, but very possible) I think that he would lose his detail and be put in solitary confinement and the prison guards will do the job.

He doesn't deserve to have SS anyway. That's our tax dollars paying for that 🤡 to have 24/7 protection.

On thing is for sure, he will never be elected. So if he somehow skates through this one unscathed, the other trials are waiting.

Expand full comment

I firmly agree, a convicted felon does not deserve SS protection nor a pension from the govt. All benefits should be stripped away if he’s convicted.

Expand full comment

And old farty fuckface wants to continue "crimin" if given the opportunity. His usual bullshit about rallying for MAGA and saving our country is nothing more than a call for keeping his broke crooked ass out of prison and to grift more money. Besides the heavy police presence, is it possible that the lack of pro ferret head protestors is a sign that some in the delusional MAGA world are finally starting to wise up?

Expand full comment

I would like to think so but I think the strong police presence is keeping them at bay. In addition, they may be actually scared of the pro-Palestinian protesters. Wise up— not a chance. Can’t fix stupid that quickly IMHO.

Expand full comment

You and me both! 😡

Expand full comment

I totally agree!!! Wtf? Now Judge Merchan has to look and see if he’s violated the gag order? Bullshit!!

Expand full comment

You and me both.

Expand full comment
Apr 23·edited Apr 23

Except that Alan Weisselberg wrote detailed notes about the plan. Which the prosecution has.

Expand full comment
author

also, a recording of Trump and Cohen discussing it

Expand full comment

Don't believe your lying eyes and ears?

Expand full comment

Yes, and Weisselberg added enough to the Cohen’s reimbursement to cover the taxes on it. Which does not happen for lawyers’ fees.

Expand full comment

Notes by Weiselberg written on M.Cohen's BANK STATEMENT that AW told Cohen to bring to AW!

Expand full comment

The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

Expand full comment

I can’t believe, wait! yes I can!

That he confessed to committing a crime right after getting out of court yesterday and he’s too fucking stupid to even know it. 😂😂😂

Expand full comment

The “stable genius” with all the best words does that ALL the time. It never occurs to him that there’s a record of him admitting to be a dumbass criminal.

Expand full comment

Donnie has never missed out on a tax deduction. EVER. He has never given the IRS a penny they didn’t deserve. He doesn’t even pay the taxes he DOES owe, so we all know why this fucking crook didn’t write off that “legal expense.” He knew it was illegal AF and he didn’t want it documented anywhere because the the auditors would be all over that like flies on shit.

Expand full comment

Your headline was all I needed! 🤣🤣 some of us have decided you should do political stand up comedy. Guarantee you’ll pack the house every night! 👏👏👏👏👏

Expand full comment
author

I may have had a couple of gin and tonics in me when I wrote that headline last night, is all I'm saying

Expand full comment

Fuel for the creative mind my friend!

Expand full comment

Thats known as ‘clarity’ !

Expand full comment

I had a couple G&Ts in me when I read it, so that's okay.

Expand full comment

Now I have to catch up!

Expand full comment

Good on us! Wahoooo!!!

Expand full comment

WAIT. I'm late for this cocktail hour. I'm on the East Coast! 😂

Expand full comment

Well, it's 10 am somewhere! Get going!

Expand full comment

😂 I love how you think! 🍸

Expand full comment

Twisted. He he.

Expand full comment

😂😂😂

Expand full comment

Christopher Hichens used to have highballs while pounding away at his typewriter. Just sayin :)

Expand full comment

Try to limit it to two from now on JT. Three could cause a certain contingent among us to be involuntarily admitted. I have heard (but have not independently confirmed) that they confiscate all devices in those facilities. And then we’d be spending all that federal money on treating withdrawal symptoms. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that.

Expand full comment

😂😂

Expand full comment

Creativity is the detritus of alcohol

Expand full comment

"Old accordion hands" is killing me this morning. 🤣😂🤣

Expand full comment

LOL! Absolutely! 😃

Expand full comment

Hook that shit right into my veins!

Expand full comment

I agree Susan, I almost had no need to continue reading after that headline! So very happy I did continue reading though.

Expand full comment

SOOOO funny....and always on point. ✌️😂

Expand full comment

The MAGA cult is going to have to decide what constitutes “old”.Is it slim, trim, bicycle-riding, jet-setting, world traveling, octogenarian Dark Brandon or doughy,paunchy, orange, tumbleweed hair, slack-jawing TFG( remember it is The F*CKING Grifter in my book lol)? They really gotta think about that one, eh?!

Expand full comment

And an old, fat grifter who, according to a host of neurologists and other medical people, is showing the unmistakable signs of dementia and brain damage. Keep an eye on this guy; it's going to get worse under the stress of court appearances.

Expand full comment

👏👏👏

Expand full comment

Agreed. I think we’re approaching the “Nixon wandering the halls in the White House and drunk dialing the pictures on the walls” phase. Although trumpalstiltskin reportedly is white knuckling it - with perhaps the assistance of some stimulants.

Expand full comment

You forgot ‘farting.’ 😆

Expand full comment

Ugh!How could I forget that!

Expand full comment

Old Accordion Hands...pure gold Jeff. However, I'm not sure that Melania fed her son...pretty sure she would hire a wet nurse.

Expand full comment

Definitely did not nurse.

Expand full comment

The expression on Barron’s face in the few pictures I’ve seen of the kid seem to support that conclusion.

Expand full comment

Every time he opens his mouth he incriminates himself. Keep talking Donnie! You may end up going to prison to serve a longer sentence. Just keep talking.

Expand full comment

Trump states at his pecker wondering how it got him in so much trouble. The disturbed people in America need help, not a cheerleader. I don't look for the dipshits to go quietly, so there should be plenty of opportunities for childish jokes for some time. We can thank Roy Cohn for our continued entertainment.

Expand full comment

I’m not sure Trump can see his pecker. It’s small and his gut is big. Maybe he’s dreaming of having a big pecker.

Expand full comment

Good one Cassandra.

Expand full comment

I’m so over the OrangeFuckfaceLyingGriftingMangoDoucheFuck and his sycophant followers .. he lies and then he doubles down on those lies.. how the fuck did we ever get this AHOLE in the White House?!? I NEVER VOTED for this FuckingClownShowCretin!! Stealing classified documents bringing his superduperslutwhores into the White House .. JFC pretty sure the White House had to be sprayed down with disinfectant when that TantrumThrowingOrangeToddler left.. and they needed to replace all the septic and toilets cause no one wants to even touch anything DouchefuckDrumpty’s ASS has touched.. just the thought is vomit inducing 🤮🤮🤮 and in court.. him sacking out and drooling on himself?!? WTAF if you or I did that in court we would be sanctioned up the ass and then we could be removed from the courtroom immediately. Stop playing with kid gloves with this AssHole!! Convict him and throw his Orange Ass in Prison!!! BOOM PROBLEM SOLVED 🙌🏽🤙🏽🙌🏽

Expand full comment

Bedhead.... you're awesome. 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Expand full comment

Bedhead is on a roll.

Expand full comment

That’s almost as good as Jeff’s column

Expand full comment

Thank you so much he’s amazing with words and I love words.

Expand full comment

🙌🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Expand full comment

Music does soothe the savage breast…and beast! I do hope he has a much better day today and can stay awake while witnesses REAM HIS ASS! He needs to listen!!! What grade are you in Mr. Loser????? Okay…I’m done! lol

Expand full comment

His biggest fear is being seen as a loser. He's preoccupied with the fact that his MAGA dumb asses aren't protesting for him. Irrelevance is the only cure for malignant narcissist/psychopath. This is priceless.

Expand full comment

Exactly!! He is terrified of being seen as a loser.

Expand full comment

So right Lisa. Malignant narcissists either and die if cut off from everyone. Like a vampire deprived of blood

Expand full comment

Oh My God you just keep getting better! I can’t stand it! Every time I see there’s a post of yours I have to drop everything I’m doing. You are giving all of us hope that MAYBE people will wake up and see this old fool for what he truly is.

Expand full comment

I know. I really need to get off this computer and go to work.

Expand full comment

I have heard (but have not independently confirmed) that the labor department has found that Jeff Teidrich’s Substack has reduced productivity by 3% nationally so far. This could become a problem if we’re not careful.

Expand full comment

DONALD JOHN TRUMP IS UNFIT TO BE PRESIDENT! Anyone who doesn't, or can't, see that has not been paying attention! The man is an open book! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE PEOPLE!

Expand full comment

Some of the people you are referring to would be smelling moonshine.

Expand full comment

Hard for me to believe he still has even one voter, no less 30+% of the country

Expand full comment

Here's my solution to making him really pay for violating the gag orders.

1st infraction: At the end of the following court day, 1 hour in Rikers. No cell phone.

2nd infraction: 2 hours in Rikers.

3rd infraction: 4 hours (see what I'm doing there? doubling down every day)

4th infraction: 8 hours

ad infinitum/ad nauseam.

Put him in protective custody (i.e., solitary) with Secret Service watching the monitor 24/7 (like they did for Jeffrey Epstein).

Expand full comment

Tffg didn’t write that post, it’s even too grammatically correct for Cokey Jr. Who’s the one propping him up- Stephen Miller? Eric? One of his Diet Coke schleppers? The last one, good bye boo hoo, is a weak pathetic child whiner trying to dog whistle his few protesters.

Expand full comment