maybe now we can get back to fighting fascists
Biden’s been showing the world he’s still got what it takes
yesterday morning, the House Democrats held their big What The Fuck Are We Going To Do About Joe Biden meeting — and in the end, math won.
those four renegade House Dems couldn’t convince the other two hundred and nine that dumping Joe and replacing him with we don’t know what, but trust us, it’s going to be magical was the best way forward.
and so Joe Biden, who has announced that he’s in it to win it, lives to fight another day.
when the meeting was over, Ted Lieu had a question for the jackals of the press: why don’t you do your fucking jobs?
“something I’ve heard that doesn’t seem to be covered are the Epstein Files. these files were released, and Donald Trump’s all over this. there are pictures of him with Jeffrey Epstein, he’s taken multiple plane flights with Epstein, with young girls on board … you all might want to look at that, because that’s highly disturbing, and it shows that Donald Trump is unfit for office.”
the press countered with bUt WhY cAn’T wE hEaR tHe HuR TaPeS? and Lieu was all fuck off, Robert Hur’s political hit job has been discredited — but you know whose transcripts you should be looking at?
“Robert Hur was appointed by Donald Trump. he is a Republican and he has said that the written transcript is an accurate rendition of the audio — so you can just read it. the transcript’s fine. but you know what written transcripts are really crazy and incoherent? look at Donald Trump’s transcripts from his rallies. he says crazy stuff — all sorts of radical stuff, and incoherent thoughts, incoherent messaging. he talks about sharks and being on a boat, and the boat sinks and there’s electric batteries on the boat, somehow you get electrocuted — it’s bizarre stuff.”
so what happened in that meeting? why couldn’t the Dump Joe faction prevail? it turns out that Biden outflanked them.
“I think there is a pretty strong consensus we need to close ranks,” said Rep. Jared Huffman (D-Calif.), who has publicly raised grave concerns about Biden’s political strength.
“When there's this kind of show of force, it’s hard to imagine people are going to speak up against him,” said one House Democrat.
Said another: “They’ve outflanked us.”
the rebel renegades got “outflanked” by the 81-year-old dude they claim is too out of it to lead. sounds to me like Sleepy Brandon still knows how to get the job done.
please, let’s all give some thoughts and prayers for the unhappiest man in America right now, New York Times nepo-publisher Arthur Gregg Sulzberger. he’s having a ginormous sad.
Democrats, shame on you! you have failed The Sulz.
I like to imagine Sulzberger, stalking the Times corporate suite with a haunch of meat in each fist like some fucked-up Henry the Eighth, throwing his head back and screaming NOOOOOOOOO! as he learns of his defeat.
meanwhile, Joe’s been showing the world that he’s still got what it takes. yesterday, Biden opened the NATO 75th Anniversary Summit with a rousing speech. all the media called “forceful” — even the New York Sulzberger grudgingly admitted it.
President Biden opened NATO’s 75th anniversary summit on Tuesday seeking to bolster confidence in both the alliance and his own political standing with a forceful speech warning of the threat posed by Russia and other authoritarian states as the world plunges into a new era of superpower conflict.
of course, the Times can’t ever leave well enough alone, so they had to take a gratuitous shit all over Biden’s head.
A summit meant to convey confidence in the newly expanded alliance opened with a dazzling celebration and no mention of President Biden’s political peril.
fuck straight off, Gray Lady.
today’s Joe Biden’s got a full schedule.
at least one member of the White House press corps is impressed.
“I’m exhausted just reading #POTUS’ #Biden schedule for tomorrow that goes from 10am until 10pm ET nonstop - from daily brief, meeting of national union leaders at the AFL-CIO Headquarters, to bilateral meetings, #NATOSummit sessions, ending with the state dinner welcoming all #NATO leaders to the #WhiteHouse.. that starts at 8pm, if someone was wondering.
Per usual, I will report on everything in detail.”
tomorrow afternoon, Joe Biden is going to give the media what they’ve been demanding since he tanked that debate: a live, unscripted press conference.
the press is already rooting for Biden to fail, because of course they are.
eleven days ago, I wrote this:
look, I’m a realist. one bad outing does not a disaster make.
if Joe Biden stumbles in public a second time, I’ll start worrying.
three times, and I’ll run around with my hair on fire and scream as loudly as everyone else.
but above all: one ninety-minute poor performance does not erase three-and-a-half years of a successful presidency.
so right now, let’s stay the fucking course.
it was true when I wrote it, and it’s still true.
yesterday, Little Donny Convict made his first public appearance since the debate. he held a hate-rally in the 110° heat at his bedbug-infested Doral golf motel. what can we infer from this locale? is Donny so broke now that he can’t even afford to rent an airport tarmac?
as for Donny, he was a sweaty sack of shit. as for his speech … well, what the fuck can you even say about this hysterical gibberish?
“mothers will never again be forced to watch their children overdosing and hos-ply. and we will never allow mothers to watch their child hopelessly dying in their arms, screaming, ‘what can I do? what can I do? help me god, what can I do?’ we are a nation whose once-revered airports are a dirty, crowded mess.”
Donald Trump’s brain is a dirty, crowded mess. he just pinballs crazily from one subject to the next. and what is up with that syrupy music that’s being played while he speaks?
then there was this big bowl of what the fuck:
“a waitress came over, beautiful waitress, and I never like talking about physical. she’s beautiful inside. because you never talk about a person’s look. ever. you never mention it. the other day I got very angry. some man called Chris Christie fat. and I said, ‘sir!’ and then he said he was a pig. I said, ‘sir! Chris Christie is not a fat pig. please remember that.’”
oh my god, do you know what this is? it’s a reverse-‘sir’ story! this time, it’s Donny Convict — big, strong, six-foot-three and two-hundred-thirty-five pounds, his eyes pooling with tears of gratitude — going up to someone else and saying ‘sir! sir!’
as with every other one of Donny’s ‘sir’ stories, it never happened — but Donny did find a passive-aggressive way to call Chris Christie fat. so there’s that.
but I know what you’re all dying to find out: did Hannibal Lecter make an appearance? fuck yeah he did.
“did anyone ever see the lovely movie Silence of the Lambs? did you ever hear of Hannibal Lecter? he was a lovely man. he would love to have you for dinner. he will take you. he had many people for dinner. well, we have a lot of people coming in. that always say ‘oh, that’s terrible that Trump would say— he is rambling about Hannibal Lecter.’ no, I’m not rambling. that’s a willy— we are allowing people from insane asylums and mental institutions into our country by the tens of thousands and they’re closing them down in other countries.”
hey, worthless scribblers of the press: why not take Ted Lieu’s advice and check this shit out. you know that if it were Joe Biden up there raving like a burnt-out meth addict on a four-day binge, you’d blow it up into a weeks-long scandal. why does Donny get an unlimited supply of free passes?
hey people, can I say something?
some high-profile people on the left have been calling for Joe Biden to drop out, and I’m seeing a lot of comments here and elsewhere that these people are now dead to you.
it sucks to see them advocate for shit we don’t cotton to, I know — but these people are not our enemies. we share a common goal — we just disagree on how to get there. welcome to progressive politics for the last million years.
so sure, mute them for now if you want — but don’t write them off forever. as Joyce Vance says at the end of every one of her posts, we’re in this together.
folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.
Nancy Pelosi was on MSNBC this morning saying "time is running short for Biden to decide if he is staying in the race." In response I picked up the phone, called her office, and informed her staff that Biden has already made that decision and perhaps it's time to accept that decision. Except I was not nearly as polite as this post suggests. Then I called Minority Leader Jeffries, and suggested he get the house in order; again not in those exact words.
Hi Jeff, amid all the garbage from Donald last night, delusional speech, sweating profusely, going off on tangents … well…. I feel compelled to point out Barron was out on stage.. he’s now 18… after that appearance he is fair game now, much to Mel’s disgust🥴BTW I sent mail to WH last night expressing my endorsement of our President, thanked him for all he has done for our country… Best to all fellow travelers.