MAGA morons are now threatening meteorologists, because of course they are

Dear Leader has brainwashed his cult into believing that violence is the only way forward

Katie Nickolaou is a meteorologist. her job is to stand in front of a weather map and give you facts about what’s going in the sky.

you might imagine that smiling into a camera and going now, here’s today’s weather would be just about the least-controversial job in the known universe.

oh, you sweet, innocent babe in the woods. how wrong you are — because, for the unspeakable crime of accurately reporting on hurricanes, Katie Nickolaou now regularly gets death threats.

Katie Nickolaou, a meteorologist, says she’s received death threats for debunking hurricane conspiracy theories regarding the latest natural disasters in the U.S.

“A lot of people are looking for someone to blame,” Nickolaou said Friday on “CUOMO.” “I’m just trying to get out there and answer questions in terms of understanding this insane weather.”

The meteorologist, who shares weather updates on her TikTok, said she’s not alone and that several other meteorologists are reporting similar hostile messages.

what — and I cannot stress this enough — the actual fuck? what kind of deranged dildo hears someone on their TV say oh by the way, warmer gulf temperatures create larger hurricanes and reacts by going ape-shit and screaming FUCK YOU, DIE?

MAGA, that’s who. these low-wattage ass-clowns have been brainwashed by Dear Leader into believing that violence is the only way forward. the cultists have had it drilled into their skulls that up is down, so now they’re threatening to kill anyone who says different.

and it’s not just Katie Nickolaou who’s being menaced.

Meanwhile, Washington, D.C.-based meteorologist Matthew Cappucci said he’s received hundreds of messages from people accusing him of modifying the weather to create hurricanes with space lasers, the New York Post reported.

Jesus H. Christ on a stale croissant, MAGA imagines that weather reporters aren’t just covering up the conspiracy — they’re actively part of it.

these idiots — hundreds of them — actually believe that Matthew Cappucci bought his very own space laser and paid to have it rocketed into space, all so he could personally fuck with the weather. really? on a meteorologist’s salary?

imagine what a better world this would be if the cultists could manage even an ounce of critical thinking.

free clue for MAGA: listen up, you dunderheads. weather forecasters don’t have any space lasers. it’s us, the Jews. we have all the space lasers, and we’re not big on sharing.

this let’s harass all the weatherpeople fuckery isn’t even a new thing. this bullshit has been going on for a while now.

here’s a charming little tale from a year ago. it’s about Chris Gloninger, an Iowa-based meteorologist who had the temerity to mention climate change during his weather reports.

“It was ‘I am going to kill you’ written in a very deliberate way in a long letter and followed by obsessive emails,” said Gloninger. His critic demanded that he “go the hell back to where you came from DOUCHEBAG!!!” and demanded “what’s your home address, we conservative Iowans would like to give you an Iowan welcome you will never forget.” The emails attacked Gloninger for pushing a “liberal conspiracy theory on the weather”, calling climate change a “Biden hoax”.

Gloninger’s bosses at his TV station told him to simply stop talking about climate change. fuck that shit and fuck it hard, replied Chris, I’m out of here, you shitwaffles. he’s now chief scientist at the Woods Hole Group in Massachusetts.

welcome to life in the MAGAsphere. say something that Donny’s deranged worshipers don’t want to hear, and they’ll turn your life upside down.

where does this insanity end? what’s next, sports reporters? HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT MY TEAM LOST? EAT SHIT AND DIE!

how long before they’re blaming space lasers for that fumble late in the fourth quarter?

hey, guess what else these violent ass-clowns have been up to: just a little good old domestic terrorism, that’s what.

gee, I wonder where MAGA got the idea that gun-based mayhem is the solution to all life’s little hassles.

could it be from assholes like Georgia Rep. Mike Collins, who won his election after airing ads showing him using an AR-15 to blow away a voting machine?

shit yeah! did you see that fucker explode? people, that’s how it’s done. why get together with your adversaries and discuss your issues, when it’s so much easier just to shoot the crap out of anything — and anyone — that gets in your way?

now, let’s hear from the guy MAGA would literally kill for.

“remember what I said, California. you’re gonna have so much water, you’re not gonna know what the hell to do with it. they’re gonna call me, remember about winning, when I used to do this about winning? they’re gonna call me in the White House and they’re gonna say, sir please, we have too much water, we’re flooded. please sir, please we have too much water. right now you don’t have any water. artificial, it’s artificial. sir please, can we see you. we have far too much water.”

oh my gods, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is still running his idiot mouth about the big fucking Canadian faucet that exists only in Donny’s worm-infested brain — the one that’s the size of a building and takes a whole day to turn. California’s water management problems could all be solved if only Governor Gavin Newsom would turn it — but he won’t, because Democrats hate America.

but Donny, he’s gonna fix all that. he’s gonna open that big fucker and drown the shit out of California. it’s that simple — because solving all the world’s problems is a piece of cake when you’re a demented moron who has no clue what he’s talking about.

now get a load of this batshit insanity.

“they want to do things like no more cows, and no windows in buildings. they have some wonderful plans for this country”

oh fuck — this was supposed to be a secret, our plan to end cows and windows. who leaked it? who’s the blabbermouth?

as long as the cat’s out of the bag, I might as well explain. do you know how we’re going to get rid of all the cows? space lasers, duh. and you won’t be able to watch, because first we’re to going snap our fingers and make all the windows in your house go fuckity-bye.

enjoy sitting in the dairy-free darkness in Komrade Kamala’s dystopian hellscape. it will be just a small price to pay to keep Donny Convict from getting his freakishly-undersized hands on all that Canadian faucet-water and drowning the shit out of California.

now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go tune up my space laser. duty calls.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.