Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter — and every Republican lost their shit

sit your hypocritical asses down and shut the fuck up

last night, before leaving for a trip to Africa, Joe Biden pardoned his son, Hunter — and the worst people in the world melted down into a steaming puddle of outrage. every MAGA shitweasel came crawling out from under their flat rocks to declare that his was the most-awfullest miscarriage of justice in the history of the nation.

hey Dinesh D’Ipshit, put a fucking sock in it.

“No one is above the law—except my son Hunter!”

hey, Dinesh — is this you?

President Donald Trump has issued a pardon to conservative writer Dinesh D’Souza, who was convicted in 2014 of violating campaign finance laws.

D'Souza, 57, was found guilty of an illegal $20,000 (£15,000) campaign contribution to a New York politician.

so, let me see if I get this straight. pardons are good, when it’s Dear Leader pardoning your own personal crime spree, but they’re bad when it’s the other guy. is that what you’re saying, Mister Rule of Law?

fine. now go sit your hypocritical ass down and shut the fuck up.

so, why would Joe pardon his son?

In a lengthy statement on Sunday night, released just as he was preparing to depart for Africa that evening, the president said that his son had been “selectively, and unfairly, prosecuted.” He said that he did not interfere with the cases but insisted that they were brought about because of political pressure on federal prosecutors.

“No reasonable person who looks at the facts of Hunter’s cases can reach any other conclusion than Hunter was singled out only because he is my son — and that is wrong,” he said. “There has been an effort to break Hunter — who has been five and a half years sober, even in the face of unrelenting attacks and selective prosecution. In trying to break Hunter, they’ve tried to break me — and there’s no reason to believe it will stop here. Enough is enough.”

truer words. the convictions against Hunter were the result of an actual five-year witch hunt brought by a Republican prosecutor hoping to inflict collateral damage onto Joe.

let’s look at the two crimes for which Biden’s son was convicted. first, there’s the gun charge.

Republicans got what they wanted yesterday: the conviction of Hunter Biden for lying about his drug use on a federal form when he bought a handgun in 2018.

the GOP demanded this trial happen. a year ago, prosecutors and Hunter Biden were within a whisker of working out a plea deal — and every Republican howled with outrage. unfair! they shouted. preferential treatment! — and so the Trump-appointed judge put the kibosh on the whole deal.

“lying about drug use on a federal form” is a crime that’s rarely prosecuted. it’s a ‘tack-on’ charge. if some jamoke guns down a bunch of people while robbing a bank, prosecutors will go what else can we pin on this shithead? he was a drug addict? fine, we’ll tack on the charge of lying on a federal form.

but if you’re some schnook, who, like Hunter, never even fired the gun you bought, prosecutors generally don’t give a fuck. they have better things to do with their limited time and resources — that is, unless you’re a Republican prosecutor and the schnook in question the Democratic president’s son.

if it were Hunter J. Fucknuckle checking the wrong box on a form, prosecutors wouldn’t have given him a second look.

now let’s take a moment to note the hypocrisy of the SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED crowd. these tiresome shitstains never shut up about there should be no laws preventing unfettered access to guns — unless it’s Hunter Biden, in which case they’re all oh wait, there should be ONE gun law, and it should apply to ONE person only.

the other conviction against Hunter was for failing to pay his taxes on time. again, it’s a crime which is rarely prosecuted. the IRS is mainly interested in getting their money. if you voluntarily pay what you owe, including interest and penalties — which is what Hunter did — the IRS is satisfied, and they step off your back. prosecutions are generally reserved for the fuckers who cheat and lie and hide their income and try to weasel out of paying.

oh look, Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene is have a big sad right now.

Marge is whining because all her crotch-sniffing has gone for naught. all those hearings in which she inflicted on America those photos of Hunter’s freakishly ginormous trouser hog —

— they were all in vain. boo fucking hoo, Marge.

no survey of Republican hypocrisy would be complete without including the rancid mouth-farts of one Donald J. Crimelord.

“Does the Pardon given by Joe to Hunter include the J-6 Hostages, who have now been imprisoned for years? Such an abuse and miscarriage of Justice!”

this fucking guy. he’s ground zero for corrupt pardons. during his presidency, he gave — and possibly sold — pardons to cronies, donors, campaign managers, sleazeballs, war criminals and yes, even family members. not only did Donny pardon the odious Charles Kushner, father of Jared, but Donny just named him ambassador to France.

one thing we really don’t need right now is pearl-clutching from Democrats.

“This is a bad precedent that could be abused by later Presidents and will sadly tarnish his reputation.”

seriously? we’re worried about precedents? we’re worried that Donny McFascist is going to use Hunter Biden’s pardon as a pretext for doing all the shit he was already planning on doing?

look, Joe Biden isn’t just pardoning Hunter for past crimes — he’s protecting him from future fuckery.

lest anyone thought that the GOP was going to leave the Bidens alone, once Joe left office —

House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer may finally get his greatest wish: to weaponize the federal government against Donald Trump’s political enemies.

In an interview on Newsmax’s National Report Thursday, Comer was asked whether he planned to pursue further charges against Hunter Biden in the wake of Trump’s election victory.

“We’re gonna see what the new Trump Department of Justice wants to do.”

finally, the question must be asked: is there a gas leak in The New York Times’ office?

“News Analysis: In pardoning Hunter Biden on Sunday night, the incumbent president sounded a lot like his successor by complaining about selective prosecution and political pressure, questioning the fairness of a system that he had until now long defended.”

oh goody, we’re both-sidesing pardons now — because the actual selective prosecution of a president’s son is exactly the same as the legitimate prosecutions of a criminal who stole classified documents and tried to overthrow his own government because he was mad about losing an election.

go home, New York Times, you’re drunk.

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