Phrasal adjectives (phrases that, together, act as an adjective modifying the following noun) are always hyphenated, except not always -- the biggest exception is when the first word ends -ly -- So while "grand-jury proceeding" and "closed-circuit television" are hyphenated, "duly approved contract" and "fully executed agreement" are not.
Another fun exception is when the phrasal adjective follows the noun -- so you have a "member-managed company" but you also have a "company that is member managed."
One point of stability in this crazy world is that the phrasal adjective "short-lived" is always hyphenated.
Oh you know what else they never explained? (This makes me so mad)
Possessive pronouns never take an apostrophe. We all know this, right? His, hers, our, their -- not an apostrophe in the bunch. But people constantly have trouble with its vs it's --- and it's because no damn grammar school teacher explains it in the simplest possible terms -- no possessive pronoun takes an apostrophe.
Jane, Well done. I’d like to add one tip that I found helpful. If the meaning is “it is” then use the contraction “it’s” because the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter “i” in the word “is” just as other contractions combine two words, drop a vowel, and replace it with an apostrophe, such as “do not” drops the letter “o” and becomes one word “don’t” -- to give just one example.
Are you an editor or copy editor, by any chance? I am, so I thought I recognized a kindred spirit. Literature/English/journalism major? Just wondering...
My grade 7 classroom teacher in Toronto taught my class all of these grammar points and more. She inspired me to become a teacher, and I taught at secondary schools in Toronto for 35 years, and I did my best to instill a love of language and of words in my students - and I was a history teacher.
A common spelling mistake that particularly bothers me is the use of an apostrophe in plurals, for example - five cat’s instead of five cats, and in expressions indicating spans of years, for example “the 1960’s” instead of “the 1960s”. I am seeing these misplaced apostrophes more often these days even in advertisements, and I find it irksome. Having said that, I had a university professor who always said language is dynamic and is in a near-constant state of change, which is why we have a hard time understanding Shakespeare and Chaucer.
Finally, if anyone wants to see (and appreciate) a master of phrasal adjectives - look no further than Jeff’s descriptions of Trump and Jim Jordan - absolutely brilliant.
Jane- Me thinks this may be the type of code that may come in handy should Medieval hand-maiden Mike take power. Discussions about grammar have a certain flair.
Wow, we English teachers are getting thumped. I certainly taught the whole shebang both in high school and university. My granddaughter is learning moods, possessives, hyphens in fifth grade.
Reno, NV. What we English teachers, both in high school and college, recognized is that much was taught, much assessed, and little remembered. Always easy to blame the English teachers. I taught in the 80s through 2013. What I can tell you is this: high school English teachers have way too many preps and way too many students. I was talking to my daughter’s English teacher, we counted the number of pages of adolescent prose she’d have read in a year. The number was close to 10K. Imagine having to correct/comment on the equivalent of the reading most of us do in a year. It’s impossible. When I taught in a private school (where I designed the curriculum for a new college prep school), NAIS’s accrediting standard was 3 - 4 preps and no more than 16 students in a class. I could teach the craft of writing under those conditions. Every public school student deserves as much. Until that happens, folks might want to cut their former English teachers some slack and might want to lobby for better conditions. [NAIS, National Association of Independent Schools]
My grandmother was a primary school teacher in the first half of the 20th century and, although she did not teach us the rules, she and my mother taught by example. I had to learn the rules on my own, but I've found that I end up looking up justification for what I know intuitively. I've also come to an understanding that unless someone is raised in a household in which "lie" and "lay" are used correctly, there's no way to teach it (unlike "which" and "that", which I think is relatively easy to teach).
My 16-year-old daughter is in love with literature because of her teacher -- he assigned Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl" and asked the students to write a similar 'list' of instructions to someone from their own experience. My daughter is talking about Kincaid and Chekhov and Gary Soto and Eliot and I am so happy -- she has never been interested in reading before, but now she loves it. Her history teacher is also amazing, as is the chemistry teacher and all her other teachers at Berkeley High and her teachers in middle and elementary school. So a big shout-out to all the teachers out there - yes, the conditions you are working under are crazy and I don't see how you do it, but I am so grateful.
And here’s a book both of you may enjoy: It’s funny and it’s accurate. Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style. Benjamin Dreyer is a Random House editor. There’s even an adaptation for young folks. And there is an editing game.
Required hyphens? Fuck that. I knew what it meant as well without the hyphen.
I am a lefty when it comes to grammar, too -- prescriptive grammar (which is kind of like the right wing and their thou shalt not's) is so last century. Most of us in this country speak "non-standard" English to some degree, higher education notwithstanding.
Doe you recall where the humor came from using fuck in a sentence, as a verb, as a noun, etc.? I remember hearing the bit on the radio and I thought it might be a comedy record from, the 70s?
Forget the dictionary. I think it should only be hyphenated if you are adding a third descriptor, as in "that is some fucked-up-shit", or "that is majorly-fucked-up" but I would call it optional., especially if you don't like punctuation in the first place.
Your intuition is on the money! Phrasal adjectives are only hyphenated if they come before the noun that they modify -- "that is some fucked-up shit" is RIGHT and so is "that shit is seriously fucked up."
I'm so happy to know that the third in line to the presidency has granted unlimited access to his computer to a third party -- oh of course it's safe, it's christian, yah? also how can he pay the monthly fee if neither he nor anyone in his family has a checking account or credit card ffs there is something really really wrong here
The ew factor aside, does that mean that he has third-party tracking software on his government-issued phone and computer?! That is a serious national security breach waiting to happen.
Yes! The article I read about this made that point quite succinctly. Who, PEAY TELL has created this covenant software and what do they do with the information they mine?
Yeah...let’s share porn notifications with a 17 year old and then ban books. Got it!
Throttling the trouser trout. Polishing the bishop. I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying! Which is probably a good thing--because if I weren’t laughing right now, I’d be having a breakdown over the fact that this sick fuck is two heartbeats from being leader of the free world.
So deranged that he wants to monitor loping the mule. With all the insanity going on here and around the world, this is what our new Trumper humper speaker brings to the table as one of his priorities. Stay tuned, Johnson's shit is only going to get more demented and bizarre.
I've reached the point where every single day I read about this shit and I just cannot fathom how they keep getting more and more extreme and everyone is just ...... ok with it? It's like that scene in Zoolander when Will Ferrell is like "I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!"
America was founded on freedom from religion. Now religion is attacking freedom. The Europe that so many fled to come to America had a history of Catholics against Protestants, Christians against infidels, and the ever popular Spanish Inquisition.
This is not the Christian Army taking over America, but a bunch of crackpots led by someone who signs Bibles but does not have a Christian bone in his body. May God deal with them and leave the rest of us alone. Amen.
Heads buried in sand and it's from the confusion of media. Placed their bets on the anti-christ and are following their leader over a cliff, because he yelled for them to avenge he, the human blob. The devil is in the details.
Make America Literate
We will then see, a valued American, with a informed vote.
Mary Trump posted a great newsletter last night about how the bad news has been particularly bad and it’s okay if we’re all feeling a bit out of sorts, but then I read your newsletter “ . . . doesn’t everyone want to know when they’re throttling the trouser trout?” And I am fucking full on laughing out loud. Thanks Jeff. We all need a good laugh today.
Where can i read Mary Trumps newsletter? I need all the help i can get, which always starts here with Jeff Tiedrich, but I'm also a fan of M.T. (i read her memoir and like to read her thoughts when i see them). I almost think it will be too late when maga takes over and eliminates our normal government a la Handmaids Tale style. I never thought this country would be in this situation.
Catherine- Mary is the best! If you subscribe to her letters, you also get “Deep Dives” where she interviews and converses with some very interesting “Nerd Avengers”.
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ! WTF??????????? Why would any sane person lay that sort of shit on one’s 17 year old son? Evil Mike is out of his effing mind and that squeaky-voiced wife of his can’t be much better. I’d hate to be the ceiling in that house. Jeez! Creepsville on steroids.
Yup Jesus H Rosevelt Christ.. I thought I was the only one who still said that! Thank you!! I made my kids read your post cause they give me grief over that!! I’m not the only one!! HA
You can no longer access porn sites in the state of Virginia...but "Hey, son. Can you come look through my search history? Maybe we're into similar kinks."
This is a real thing. Youngkin passed a law requiring age verification...and the sites don't want to do that for privacy reasons, so they pulled out (pun intended).
I would image people are just paying for VPNs and setting their locations to a different state.
I just wish it were possible to use a VPN to set my *actual* location, especially after reading Thom Hartmann this morning. It could come in handy pretty soon.
This is what happens when men can't admit they are gay. Poor tortured Mikey is going to make all the rest of us suffer too because he can't come out. It's SO Republican.
Word of advice. DO NOT TRY TO READ JEFF AT A STOP SIGN. I had to literally pull over and stop crying before I could get home. Dear God. "Slamming the ham", "polishing the bishop", and "trouser trout" are new for me...but then I've led a very sheltered life being from a farm in Missouri. And...IMO, in the context being used here, fucked up with no hyphen is just fine. I just love you people. 😂
I have recommended your newsletter to many of my friends and acquaintances, and they are never disappointed. One of these days when I’m drunk enough, I may read it aloud in a public place.
Susan, you crack me up. 😂 I now only read Jeff’s newsletters when I am sitting down and not sipping any kind of beverage. It’s sound advice...
I once opened his newsletter one morning while sitting in a waiting room to see my primary care doctor, and I had to step outside for a few minutes so I didn’t look like a complete fool laughing my ass off. Never again.
Exactly...good advice. People start staring when you're sitting in the car wiping tears from your face, struggling to catch a breath from excessive laughter! 😂😂
You have it backwards- Holy Mike is policing his son’s phone. Gotta keep those kiddos pure- wouldn’t want them getting too curious about things like, God forbid, sodomy.
Ok, so if Jr wants to get his jollies, aren’t magazines still available? Am I so old, that’s no longer a thing boys hide under the mattress? At least print doesn’t rat you out.
What gets me is that I remember what it was like to be 17 years old, and yet, SOMEHOW, Mike up there is reporting Jack as having a "clean slate." Either Mike is lying (likely), or Jack is going to be a serial killer soon (also likely).
is it "fucked up" or "fucked-up"? Ms. Spouse and the Merriam-Webster dictionary both say to hyphenate it, but I hate the way it looks
We get the point either way. Mike ( Don't bend my) Johnson is one fucked up, fucked-up dude.
Amen!!😂
Lol, I never use the hyphen for fucked up and I was an English major.
I too like the look of no hyphen, and you Jeff get to decide.
Either way, this sicko is extremely fucked up.
Ditto
LOL!
It's a phrasal adjective, so it's hyphenated (It's a fucked-up situation). Ask me about phrasal adjectives, they're among my favorites.
I’ll ask!
Tell me all about phrasal adjectives please 🙏
Phrasal adjectives (phrases that, together, act as an adjective modifying the following noun) are always hyphenated, except not always -- the biggest exception is when the first word ends -ly -- So while "grand-jury proceeding" and "closed-circuit television" are hyphenated, "duly approved contract" and "fully executed agreement" are not.
Another fun exception is when the phrasal adjective follows the noun -- so you have a "member-managed company" but you also have a "company that is member managed."
One point of stability in this crazy world is that the phrasal adjective "short-lived" is always hyphenated.
I am truly impressed...too bad my English teachers never explained anything so well!👏👏👏
Oh you know what else they never explained? (This makes me so mad)
Possessive pronouns never take an apostrophe. We all know this, right? His, hers, our, their -- not an apostrophe in the bunch. But people constantly have trouble with its vs it's --- and it's because no damn grammar school teacher explains it in the simplest possible terms -- no possessive pronoun takes an apostrophe.
I geek out on this stuff. 🥸
Jane, Well done. I’d like to add one tip that I found helpful. If the meaning is “it is” then use the contraction “it’s” because the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter “i” in the word “is” just as other contractions combine two words, drop a vowel, and replace it with an apostrophe, such as “do not” drops the letter “o” and becomes one word “don’t” -- to give just one example.
Are you an editor or copy editor, by any chance? I am, so I thought I recognized a kindred spirit. Literature/English/journalism major? Just wondering...
Awww thank you. maybe next time I'll get excited about the subjunctive mood (my English teachers never taught us anything about moods!)
I think my English teachers didn't feel the need to bother because there was never any mention of fucked-up.
My grade 7 classroom teacher in Toronto taught my class all of these grammar points and more. She inspired me to become a teacher, and I taught at secondary schools in Toronto for 35 years, and I did my best to instill a love of language and of words in my students - and I was a history teacher.
A common spelling mistake that particularly bothers me is the use of an apostrophe in plurals, for example - five cat’s instead of five cats, and in expressions indicating spans of years, for example “the 1960’s” instead of “the 1960s”. I am seeing these misplaced apostrophes more often these days even in advertisements, and I find it irksome. Having said that, I had a university professor who always said language is dynamic and is in a near-constant state of change, which is why we have a hard time understanding Shakespeare and Chaucer.
Finally, if anyone wants to see (and appreciate) a master of phrasal adjectives - look no further than Jeff’s descriptions of Trump and Jim Jordan - absolutely brilliant.
Jane- Me thinks this may be the type of code that may come in handy should Medieval hand-maiden Mike take power. Discussions about grammar have a certain flair.
I love this stuff. English is my second language and it never ceases to amaze me.
People who learn English as a second language impress me like whoa and also generally do a far better job with grammar than most native speakers.
English is a language of many contradictions.
Wow, we English teachers are getting thumped. I certainly taught the whole shebang both in high school and university. My granddaughter is learning moods, possessives, hyphens in fifth grade.
Apologies -- what state?
Reno, NV. What we English teachers, both in high school and college, recognized is that much was taught, much assessed, and little remembered. Always easy to blame the English teachers. I taught in the 80s through 2013. What I can tell you is this: high school English teachers have way too many preps and way too many students. I was talking to my daughter’s English teacher, we counted the number of pages of adolescent prose she’d have read in a year. The number was close to 10K. Imagine having to correct/comment on the equivalent of the reading most of us do in a year. It’s impossible. When I taught in a private school (where I designed the curriculum for a new college prep school), NAIS’s accrediting standard was 3 - 4 preps and no more than 16 students in a class. I could teach the craft of writing under those conditions. Every public school student deserves as much. Until that happens, folks might want to cut their former English teachers some slack and might want to lobby for better conditions. [NAIS, National Association of Independent Schools]
My grandmother was a primary school teacher in the first half of the 20th century and, although she did not teach us the rules, she and my mother taught by example. I had to learn the rules on my own, but I've found that I end up looking up justification for what I know intuitively. I've also come to an understanding that unless someone is raised in a household in which "lie" and "lay" are used correctly, there's no way to teach it (unlike "which" and "that", which I think is relatively easy to teach).
My 16-year-old daughter is in love with literature because of her teacher -- he assigned Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl" and asked the students to write a similar 'list' of instructions to someone from their own experience. My daughter is talking about Kincaid and Chekhov and Gary Soto and Eliot and I am so happy -- she has never been interested in reading before, but now she loves it. Her history teacher is also amazing, as is the chemistry teacher and all her other teachers at Berkeley High and her teachers in middle and elementary school. So a big shout-out to all the teachers out there - yes, the conditions you are working under are crazy and I don't see how you do it, but I am so grateful.
I loved my English and literature teachers.
Jane--you sound like you’d enjoy a book I’m reading now--Rebel with A Clause: Tales and Tips From a Roving Grammarian, by Ellen Jovin.
And here’s a book both of you may enjoy: It’s funny and it’s accurate. Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style. Benjamin Dreyer is a Random House editor. There’s even an adaptation for young folks. And there is an editing game.
Dreyer is on twitter as well. Rather curmudgeonly ;-)
I'm getting an education.
Trump lies like a rug.
❤️ that one!
Bryan Garner is my hero -- Modern American Usage takes its cues from Fowler's Modern English Usage -- great sense of humor and very usable.
Elizabeth, that looks like a great book. I'm ordering now! 👍
Personally, I have always been into phrasal (prepositional) verbs! Good for you!
I’ve found a fellow editor! 😊
I have never seen "fucked up" hyphenated.
I googled "'fucked up' or 'fucked-up'" and all the major dictionary sites had it hyphenated.
I’m gonna say those dictionaries are fucked up, but I’ll stand corrected.
Well that's fucked up. That's some fucked-up shit. I feel like these two sentences, one with a hyphen and the other without, are both acceptable.
Duly noted! Who knew I was so fucked-up on being fucked-up? So pleased to be set right on this!
Required hyphens? Fuck that. I knew what it meant as well without the hyphen.
I am a lefty when it comes to grammar, too -- prescriptive grammar (which is kind of like the right wing and their thou shalt not's) is so last century. Most of us in this country speak "non-standard" English to some degree, higher education notwithstanding.
Well-you are forgiven!!!!😂😂
I'll file that.
that's what I figured...the 'ol hyphen usage...
Doe you recall where the humor came from using fuck in a sentence, as a verb, as a noun, etc.? I remember hearing the bit on the radio and I thought it might be a comedy record from, the 70s?
Sheesh, a typo at word one...
haha!
Forget the dictionary. I think it should only be hyphenated if you are adding a third descriptor, as in "that is some fucked-up-shit", or "that is majorly-fucked-up" but I would call it optional., especially if you don't like punctuation in the first place.
Your intuition is on the money! Phrasal adjectives are only hyphenated if they come before the noun that they modify -- "that is some fucked-up shit" is RIGHT and so is "that shit is seriously fucked up."
Either way or run them together. No editorial input whatsoever because what the fuck really
Don't you mean what-the-fuck?
🔥
Whether it's fucked-up or fucked up doesn't matter. It is a thing of beauty to my eyes and ears.
I've never hyphenated it. But I'm no expert either.
I always used to say, after many years studying German, "Up gefucked"
:) Read the book Less. Besides being exquisitely written, the narrator's dips into German are hilarious.
I'd say the the hyphen would be correct but I dont judge, do whatever you like -:)
It’s fucked up, because it’s working as a noun and not an adjective. It would be correct to say fucked-up chicken weasel
I don't care for the hyphen.
A hyphen? That's weird. I don't like the way it looks either.
Johnson is so perverted even the skeletons in his closet get boners.
I’m sure Mike, Jack, and even the skeletons in the closet are busier than a two dick billygoat.
LOL!!!
You are my favorite!
BUAHAHAHAHA!
;)
The Johnson Erection Festival.
Too funny! Well played!
Brilliant. 👏👏👏👏
I'm so happy to know that the third in line to the presidency has granted unlimited access to his computer to a third party -- oh of course it's safe, it's christian, yah? also how can he pay the monthly fee if neither he nor anyone in his family has a checking account or credit card ffs there is something really really wrong here
Lets just keep digging , we'll find a Pot of gold at the end of the Rainbow
Oh Christ did I just say Rainbow!
The ew factor aside, does that mean that he has third-party tracking software on his government-issued phone and computer?! That is a serious national security breach waiting to happen.
Yes! The article I read about this made that point quite succinctly. Who, PEAY TELL has created this covenant software and what do they do with the information they mine?
Yeah...let’s share porn notifications with a 17 year old and then ban books. Got it!
He transcends the term Creep
any way the App can buzz our phones too when he Fucks-up? I'll gladly pay to subscribe
By Authors whose last name is Gay!
He is a Republican and KKKRISTIAN so it Has you know who's Blessing
Especially God.
No One
Throttling the trouser trout. Polishing the bishop. I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying! Which is probably a good thing--because if I weren’t laughing right now, I’d be having a breakdown over the fact that this sick fuck is two heartbeats from being leader of the free world.
So deranged that he wants to monitor loping the mule. With all the insanity going on here and around the world, this is what our new Trumper humper speaker brings to the table as one of his priorities. Stay tuned, Johnson's shit is only going to get more demented and bizarre.
I just realized that Johnson is the perfect name for him!
I am so with you! What a creep!
Shine the Monkey
I've reached the point where every single day I read about this shit and I just cannot fathom how they keep getting more and more extreme and everyone is just ...... ok with it? It's like that scene in Zoolander when Will Ferrell is like "I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!"
Have you noticed that just about every elected Republican is a criminal and/or pervert?
I guess low level you a thug or a gangster, but when you make it big time they call you a politician. Keep hustlin', hustlers.
Yep noticed that a long time ago.
A phrase I use daily now
I was just thinking today about how much ground we've lost because everything becomes normalized so quickly.
America was founded on freedom from religion. Now religion is attacking freedom. The Europe that so many fled to come to America had a history of Catholics against Protestants, Christians against infidels, and the ever popular Spanish Inquisition.
This is not the Christian Army taking over America, but a bunch of crackpots led by someone who signs Bibles but does not have a Christian bone in his body. May God deal with them and leave the rest of us alone. Amen.
The Late Great Christopher Hitchens
Once said on Jerry Falwell: : I Don't Believe theres a heaven, and to bad there's not a hell for him to go to.
I think this would apply The New Speaker of the House.
What the living fuck is wrong with these people? How in the hell does someone like this every get elected? WHO voted for them? 🤯🤬🤯
Heads buried in sand and it's from the confusion of media. Placed their bets on the anti-christ and are following their leader over a cliff, because he yelled for them to avenge he, the human blob. The devil is in the details.
Make America Literate
We will then see, a valued American, with a informed vote.
America with a 1/3 Uneducated.
Poor in mind and body. Smdh
😞 truth!
Joanne let me explain
Great Grandpa was a Giants Fan Grandpa was a Giants Fan ,
Dad was a Giants Fan , So im going to be a Giants Fan?
OOORRRRR?
MY family is Born Again KKKRISTIAN
My Family is Catholic
My Family is Muslim
My Family is Hindu
My Family is Hebrew
As simple as this sounds it's truer than you can imagine.
Thats how you get the permission Storm Washington DC
This should never happen
That's failure on the part of the Dems.
Absolutely.
Like that would have made a Difference
Mary Trump posted a great newsletter last night about how the bad news has been particularly bad and it’s okay if we’re all feeling a bit out of sorts, but then I read your newsletter “ . . . doesn’t everyone want to know when they’re throttling the trouser trout?” And I am fucking full on laughing out loud. Thanks Jeff. We all need a good laugh today.
Where can i read Mary Trumps newsletter? I need all the help i can get, which always starts here with Jeff Tiedrich, but I'm also a fan of M.T. (i read her memoir and like to read her thoughts when i see them). I almost think it will be too late when maga takes over and eliminates our normal government a la Handmaids Tale style. I never thought this country would be in this situation.
Here is a link to her latest newsletter. She usually posts something light on Sundays to give us a break from the psychotic new cycle.
https://open.substack.com/pub/marytrump/p/sundays-6c6?r=2vk1c6&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Catherine- Mary is the best! If you subscribe to her letters, you also get “Deep Dives” where she interviews and converses with some very interesting “Nerd Avengers”.
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ! WTF??????????? Why would any sane person lay that sort of shit on one’s 17 year old son? Evil Mike is out of his effing mind and that squeaky-voiced wife of his can’t be much better. I’d hate to be the ceiling in that house. Jeez! Creepsville on steroids.
Yup Jesus H Rosevelt Christ.. I thought I was the only one who still said that! Thank you!! I made my kids read your post cause they give me grief over that!! I’m not the only one!! HA
No, you certainly are not the only one. My phone even knows when I’m using that phrase with its predictive text 👍
SP Evil in the Guise of. Religion
You can no longer access porn sites in the state of Virginia...but "Hey, son. Can you come look through my search history? Maybe we're into similar kinks."
You can't access porn in Virginia? Wow, I DO learn at least one fucked up new thing every day, here.
Yep and I just found out its the same for Utah and Mississippi!
Seriously?! Does everyone just drive to neighboring states?
This is a real thing. Youngkin passed a law requiring age verification...and the sites don't want to do that for privacy reasons, so they pulled out (pun intended).
I would image people are just paying for VPNs and setting their locations to a different state.
Yeah, VPN makes sense.
I just wish it were possible to use a VPN to set my *actual* location, especially after reading Thom Hartmann this morning. It could come in handy pretty soon.
Thanks for the warning; Thom is next in my queue.
This is what happens when men can't admit they are gay. Poor tortured Mikey is going to make all the rest of us suffer too because he can't come out. It's SO Republican.
Ain't that the bathroom stall truth.
Ahahaha hahaha 🍻
Word of advice. DO NOT TRY TO READ JEFF AT A STOP SIGN. I had to literally pull over and stop crying before I could get home. Dear God. "Slamming the ham", "polishing the bishop", and "trouser trout" are new for me...but then I've led a very sheltered life being from a farm in Missouri. And...IMO, in the context being used here, fucked up with no hyphen is just fine. I just love you people. 😂
Hang in there fellow Missourian. I blew ice tea out of my nose in a coffee shop.
Lol!! OK, so the hard lesson here is...no reading of Jeff’s newsletters in public places.
counterpoint: please read them aloud in public places
I have recommended your newsletter to many of my friends and acquaintances, and they are never disappointed. One of these days when I’m drunk enough, I may read it aloud in a public place.
Hell use a megaphone!!
Right! I should just immediately pull over when Jeff's column comes up... because today, I could have caused an accident! 🤣🤣
Yup I did the same with my hot tea.. my nose was not amused.😒 now I read Jeff’s post before I drink my scalding hot tea 🤭
Susan, you crack me up. 😂 I now only read Jeff’s newsletters when I am sitting down and not sipping any kind of beverage. It’s sound advice...
I once opened his newsletter one morning while sitting in a waiting room to see my primary care doctor, and I had to step outside for a few minutes so I didn’t look like a complete fool laughing my ass off. Never again.
Exactly...good advice. People start staring when you're sitting in the car wiping tears from your face, struggling to catch a breath from excessive laughter! 😂😂
Yes, same, from the Bible Belt in Georgia, these were all new for me but easy to figure out in context. :)
Susan— since you are from farm country may I add ,” choking the chicken, “ to your list of phrases describing male masturbation.
😂😂😂 Got it! The list is growing! HAHA
Shine The Monkey
Another one! 😂😂😂😂
This is so fucked up it boggles my mind. "I'm going to have my 17 year old police what I do on my phone..." like what the actual fuck?
You have it backwards- Holy Mike is policing his son’s phone. Gotta keep those kiddos pure- wouldn’t want them getting too curious about things like, God forbid, sodomy.
I took it as they were monitoring each other's phones and devices, something about "accountability partners." So, it's EXTRA fucked up!
Holy Mike is going to drive his son to FAFO why normal sexual activities are taboo. One extreme will cause an opposite reaction, IMO.
And Tell Mommy!
Ok, so if Jr wants to get his jollies, aren’t magazines still available? Am I so old, that’s no longer a thing boys hide under the mattress? At least print doesn’t rat you out.
They most likely have cameras through out their creepy wholesome home👀
... hidden in tiny stuffed elves, on every bookshelf...
Ahahaha hahaha 🤣
What gets me is that I remember what it was like to be 17 years old, and yet, SOMEHOW, Mike up there is reporting Jack as having a "clean slate." Either Mike is lying (likely), or Jack is going to be a serial killer soon (also likely).
His son is really named Jack Johnson?
LOL!
I wondered the same thing. LOL
Jack Johnson!! Oh my fucking God!!
Are you implying a Freudian connection -haha?
Oh dear... lol....