133 Comments

I took the damp washcloth off my eyelids for a minute to read this. It's great. But now I'm going back to bed.

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Good move.

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Thank you for using DIPSHITTERY, because that is the only noun one can use in this case. As a verb, might I suggest, "Once again, Republicans are dipshitting Americans." Or adjective, "With Jordan bullying his colleagues for the role of Speaker, everything is going even more dippshitterly than expected." And that lectern, it knows dipshits very well. Only the best dipshits will be dipshitting on and around that poor piece of furniture.

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if I recall correctly, in a comment a couple of days ago I promised to use dipshittery in a headline

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I believe you DID! :)

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We’d missed it. Take one I like: dumbassery. Feel free

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Dipshittery... It's the best word! But I wonder if his wife knows? HAHA! I love it!

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Sharon, I love your knowledge of grammar 😹 omg.

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I owe my inspiration to this fine book. https://www.amazon.com/English-Second-cking-Language-Effectively/dp/031214329X/

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I can get it on Kindle for $10. However, from the sample, I could almost f**ng write it myself! Thanks, Sharon ♥️

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🤣🤣🤣🤣

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As always, grateful for you Jeff. As you summarize in your uniquely direct manner, I only get slight nausea, instead of the full on variety that manifests from reading about any of these lying, corrupt, incompetent, future "Dancing with the Stars" guests.

One story you might not have caught ran in an Arkansas paper:

https://arktimes.com/arkansas-blog/2023/10/13/body-language-expert-analyzes-sanders-remarks-on-lectern-purchase

Do we really need a body language expert to know when Sarah is lying? (Hint: When her lips move and sounds are coming out, you can be well-assured she's lying.

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She is such a puke 🤮 can’t even look at that face making ignorant pos!!

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I've always referred to her as "Frying Pan Face." She looks like someone

hit her in the face with a frying pan. If I sound mean, I don't give a hoot!

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I love it 🤣 and it’s true!! No, you don’t sound mean. It’s ugly Sarah Huckabee 😂

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Doreen, you're my kind of girl!

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Good 😊 I think your my kind of girl too!!

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Another chapter of Fractured Fairytales, per Rocky & Bullwinkle? Yep, with the sound effects!

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Oct 17, 2023·edited Oct 17, 2023

Governor Huckleberry has a face only a MAGA Mother could love.

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Lorraine, I would actually enjoy hitting her in the face with a frying pan. Actually a few times! She really does deserve it.

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She’s given many of us moments we’re not proud of. Melanie too

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Did that make her cross-eyed, because she is.

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"noted cosmetics influencer" was my fav descriptor of Shuckabee...another gem. Thank God for humor/biting satire and those who know how to get us all to laugh instead of weeping....

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Frying Pan Face is perfect. Or, nepo frying pan face.

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Haha! The telling Lip Curl!

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Same as it ever was….

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OK. Here are a few of my favorites: "polling lower than scrotum cancer", "lectern gate" , "Diarrhea Slider Barbie" ... Oh God. And DIPSHITTERY is back! YAY! Seriously, this is another great piece, bringing the ridiculous front and center. Thanks, Jeff. I look forward to this every day. 👍

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I cannot claim credit for lecterngate, it's actually a hashtag on not-twitter right now

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Then you borrowed well! I cant be on non-Twitter anymore. There wasn't enough Xanax. 🙄

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I'll share some of mine...some guy with a backpack gave me a supply in exchange for letting him through the southern border....

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😂😂😂✌️

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We are all copycats!

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"...and they don't even hide it anymore!"

The cherry on top for me!

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Sorry don't even TRY to hide it anymore!

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How about “noted cosmetics influencer.” That with the close-up of the frying pan like face made me lose it.

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Yes! That was excellent. I never fail to choke on my drink reading this!! 🤣

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I do believe I found my pack! Just us, waiting patiently for our treat!

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Indeed! I used to read Jeff's responses to the Mango Mussolini on The App Formerly Known As Twitter, laugh so hard, and wish he wrote longer posts about it all. And now he does! Sometimes dreams do come true.

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Same here! 😂

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Oct 17, 2023·edited Oct 17, 2023

I pray Jordan's not elected speaker - if he is, there will be no 2024 election, or if there is, it will be run much like Putin's "elections"...

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Gail. I far as I know Congress has no power in the elections taking place and the Dems have 212 votes certifying the electoral votes, plus the Senate majority.

What I'm sick over is then trump and putin will be running the House. There goes money to Ukraine unless Biden can pull presidential levers. And jordan will allow the government to be shut down for sure. That's what his lord and master trump wants.

If jordan gets the gavel, the US and Ukraine are screwed.

See, it just keeps getting wprse in ways in sane people can't inmagine.

One bright note in the world's insanity is POLAND !!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!

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I’m too old and my kids and family are here, but if it weren’t for them and if this whole disaster takes place my choice would be to leave this country.

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Oct 17, 2023·edited Oct 17, 2023

Electing traitorJordan would be catastrophic. This vile human whose personality and appearance are reminiscent of that pair of foul sweat socks that sit a the bottom of the laundry hamper. His only purpose is to protect the tangerine turd and take his autocratic orders. We can't afford to have this anti American bastard anywhere near the podium holding that gavel.

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A real GOP winner; 16 years, no original bills-at all and then, Speaker! What a cv.

Jordan's parents were SO proud when he brought home that straight "C" report card, but wow look at him now!

Extended family had doubts he would ever learn the grift, but never gave up hope.

Sheesh..

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Pardon my heavy breathing, but I just paid for a yearly subscription so I could run in here and shout Sarah Huckster! That is how I refer to that lectern loving liar. You say Sarah Huckster and every single person knows to whom I am referring.

Ok, besides that, I've been wanting to join all you fun commenters as you guys have some serious fun here, and I take humor very seriously. I am happy to be here even if it was a dipshit that brought me out of the shadows.

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author

thank you and welcome to this madhouse

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The BEST mad house...❤️

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welcome Wendy, you will be glad you joined our club of dipshit haters.

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I just subscribed a week ago based on ONE article and have not been disappointed yet! I'd seen Jeff on X, formerly known as useful, but didn't know he had a daily column. Very happy to have found him!

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If only I were a Republican I could do any crime I wanted and no one would stop me.

Sadly, I have a soul.

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Yes, it's really sad that all this law-abiding stuff that has been drilled into us since we were kids is a load of crap. I wonder what these repugnant dipshits teach their little dipshits about the law and the Golden Rule?

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I doubt they do. It's more like "get yours."

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agree and hate the black and immigrant loving dems.

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I am sorry to correct you, the juveniles of this breed of dipshits are referred to as,"shitstains" at least until they reach their majority. The toddlers and pre-schoolers are just stains. As when they are called in for their nap,"here stain, come stain."

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STOP! I've gotta go to sleep....😂😂😂

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That used to be the sick joke-now it's a requirement!

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The rage I feel over this lectern! I’ve spent two months begging for approval for a $60 and necessary purchase...ohhh the government 🙄

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Arkansas in this case.

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Wonder if her taxpayers will notice -- or care. Probably her supporters don't pay taxes, most too poor, others too rich.

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Every time a GOPer votes against Jordan an angel gets its wings.

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Here's what I DID NOT need this morning, first thing: an EXTREME CLOSE-UP of Smokey-Eye Sanders. Ugh!! The lectern is ridiculous, not only WAY TOO expensive, but the faux wood grain bullshit on the sides reminds me of station wagons from the 70s, which really, fits her well. I'm guessing she was conceived in a woodgrain 70s station wagon.

I would remind Ron DeDumbass (and I have never called him anything else, anywhere) should remember that Ashli Babbitt, the Martyr of January 6th, and dead insurrectionist, also wore a backpack and at the time, no one knew what was in it as she tried to break into the Speaker's Lobby. So, she was shot dead. Is that what he's looking for at the border? DeDumbass, indeed.

"Hooch Craft Cocktail Bar," because of course it's called that, and of course Lauren Boebert is a patron, and of course she probably goes from customer to customer with a beer mug in her hand, and a gun on her waist, screaming, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" into all of their faces.

The dipshittery writes itself, eh?

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I laughed all the way through this comment. Here’s the thing: I am in Boebert’s district, and the chances of her winning another election are very slim. Anything is possible in this screwed-up world, but she has become so despised out here by a majority of voters, and her Democratic opponent has been campaigning so well and raking in so much money, that I don’t see her surviving in November 2024. So get your kicks in now because it will all be over at the end of next year.

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Yes! Didn't she only squeak through last time with 500 votes or something? Unfortunately, we'll probably keep hearing about her, ala ol' Smokey Eye, Palin, and TRUMP, who should have faded into obscurity.

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Yes, she won by only 534 votes. Colorado did a recount to confirm that, and things continue to get worse for her. Her opponent is raking in millions of dollars because the DNC finally decided to support him. I’m feeling much more confident than I did last year that this seat is going to flip. This district is much more diverse than, for example, MTG’s district, so she’s one of the few MAGA nut cases that has much more of a chance of being defeated.

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Well,she is about as clever as a bag of hammers. Didn't she fail her GED exam, like 3+ times and they just gave it to her as...pity diploma? One would think as a 40 something aged adult that common sense would keep her from making an assclown of herself?

Then again, she put on that tight ass dress on said to no one in particular..." someone's getting lucky tonight!

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Yes, she failed the equivalency diploma test at least twice. I think she passed it the third time. She is actually 36 or 37 years old and about to be a grandmother. Her teenage son impregnated a 15-year-old girl and they’re going to have the baby because, you know, they’re anti-abortion. The whole family is a bunch of juvenile delinquents, even the parents. The ex-husband has been arrested multiple times, once for exposing himself in a bowling alley to teenage girls. She has quite an extensive rap sheet herself. The Denver Post has audio of several calls made to the police department from that home because of domestic violence issues. I could go on and on but you get the picture. It’s really embarrassing to have someone like this as a representative, especially of one of the most beautiful districts in Colorado and, in fact, in the Rocky Mountain west. She doesn’t deserve to live here.

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Dipshits- a compliment for this odd example of public service!

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I just called my Congress-critter, Lisa McLean, and told her assistant to pass the message on that under no circumstances can Jim (GYM-MASTER-BAITOR) Jordan can be made the Speaker of the House… I’m not expecting her to oblige. That’s what happens when you district gets changed so the half of my town that votes progressive is the southern end and I still live in the northern section. Damn.

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The Gerrymandered Dipshit...

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The real problem is that I was in a blue district and when the districts were changed (for the good since we now have fair districts) it’s just disturbing that I now know that most of my neighbors are likely closet Trumpidiots. They smile and agree with you but frown at me the minute I turn around.

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If Gym gets the speaker job I really fear for Biden’s safety. Maybe Jack can get the indictments pushed up on him. Time is of the essence here. Go Hakeem! Ok, back to my dark room now.

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Great minds think alike, my thoughts exactly except the dark room part. Here's a fabulous Hunter S. Thompson quote (almost said Hunter Biden!)

"Never turn your back on fear, keep it in front of you like a thing that

might have to be killed."

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AND VP Harris! I put NOTHING past them. Nothing.

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THE BAR IS CALLED HOOCH

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We are living an episode of VEEP

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Right?? And in Aspen that seems too weird. Hoochy Coochy boochy only spending $300 makes the whole thing all the more tawdry.

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almost like she thought... "i've got to find the one tacky establishment."

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Was that for her escort?

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In a Hooch Da Vida

Ok... bedtime for me.

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Damn-it’s “the first two days of the week in stupid!” And amusing!

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Not to mention that that lectern is Butt Ugly. I mean, painfully unappealing. Those blue stripes? Cripes, I coulda hooked her up with a beautiful birdseye maple lectern made right here in the USA (which I doubt hers was). And for no more than $18,000.

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If Jim Jordan gets selected, the House will dip Americans in shit. A lot of shit. He’s a dipshit, but he is also a fuckwad, an anal putrescence.

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