307 Comments
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David Simpson's avatar

You had me at “trouser-snake charmer Handy Oakley.” Spit out my coffee and now cleaning up the mess over my tax returns. Thanks, Jeff! Sheesh. Lol!

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Mike Hammer's avatar

She can sell her new “Palma Sutra” hand lotion as a side hustle.

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Geoff Anderson's avatar

*dead*

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David A Pitock's avatar

Beautiful

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Doc Blase''s avatar

Scented Palma candles too.

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Don A in Pennsultucky's avatar

Another benefit of having someone else prepare the tax return is that it's a lot harder to spit coffee on them.

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David Simpson's avatar

Is this an ad??! LOL

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Mike Hammer's avatar

Sounds like it!

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Doc Blase''s avatar

I found it easy back when H&R Block presented me with their bill.

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Eva Porter's avatar

It must be one desperate snake cuz she ain’t that charming 😄

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SPW's avatar

That particular snake can only think with those two brain cells located on either side of it “head”.

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Karla's avatar

That particular snake owns a gay bar; I think he knew where the cameras were. Ok, maybe not, but I want to think he set her up.

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Doc Blase''s avatar

It looked to me like she was setting him |^| up in a manner of speaking.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

Cancun Ted was smitten, so she does well with some of the male demographics.

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Mike Hammer's avatar

No she ain’t!

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Donatella  Dillon's avatar

Indeed the snake charmer remark one of the best ever!😅🤣😆😂

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Doc Blase''s avatar

For me it was, "...according to both people in the room."

BOTH!

It was a long day, working with attorneys, badly needed the laughs This is the best subscription I ever bought ---and just renewed.

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Jim Ryan's avatar

When people talk about the self destruction of the GOP, all I can think is, “can you please just hurry it up?”

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DR Darke's avatar

The weirdest part is listening to Rachel Maddow opine that America NEEDS the Republican Party in order to have a functioning democracy.

My response is, "No, you just need TWO or more parties—let the Democrats become the more conservative party, and those who find the Dems too Corporate NeoLiberal for their tastes can form a new Progressive Party! The Republicans can either become Democrats again...or end up in prison for sedition like they deserve to be...."

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steve robertshaw's avatar

Expanding prisons to hold all those Republican politicians would definitely be another infrastructure boost to GDP. Win-win!

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Bonnie's avatar

Infrastructure never made me so happy as this

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SeekingReason's avatar

For this, I would change my mind on building more prisons. There are some former Guantanamo residents we can hire to guard them. Probably free of charge!

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Mike Hammer's avatar

Or maybe the GOP (what’s left) will merge with right leaning independents to form a new party while America hopefully wakes up and votes the traitors out. Or force them out one way or another.

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DR Darke's avatar

Sadly you're probably right, though I wish you were wrong because America needs more Sanders and NO MORE HILLARY NEOLIBS!!!!

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P. J. Schuster's avatar

I love that idea

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Doc Blase''s avatar

I'm afraid the good Ms. Maddow has converted to the Church Of The Holy Dollar. $27 million a year just ain't enough.

Apparently.

Gotta tow that (company) line and lift that bale O'Corporate poop.

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Judie Brophy's avatar

She gets paid to be an honest, fair and very enlightening journalist. She’s also an excellent teacher.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

Totally agree! She earns every penny!

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

She is a professor after all. Have you read "Blow-out"? One of the best researched reads, on the history of the fossil fuel industry, and the damage thry have caused worldwide.

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P. J. Schuster's avatar

I haven’t read it yet, but I will; Prequel was great.

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Susan Kemp's avatar

Toe. You follow what the person(s) who control you tell you. That is, they draw the line and you put your toes up to it.

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P. J. Schuster's avatar

I firmly disagree with your assessment of Rachel. She does her research & knows what she’s talking about.

I do prefer the proffered idea of a new 2nd party called The Progressives & let the old line Democrats be the conservatives. The Whigs died out & the Republicans were born, so now the Rs can die out & a new party can take its place.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

They’re clownfucking as fast as they can!

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Donatella  Dillon's avatar

Clownfucking..good one,but not fast enough,they’ll get there though hopefully before November 😆

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Barbara Rengstorff's avatar

Haha - clownfucking… I’m still trying to figure out how I can use “Fuckoffistan”! 🤪😁🤪

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Doc Blase''s avatar

Something like, "Welcome to Fuckoffistan. Population: you."

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Karla's avatar

😆

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Susan Niemann's avatar

This is especially delicious this morning, Jeff! 😂 I believe Handy Oakley has already found a house in her new district where she wont be a congresswoman but will be working instead at the local Cracker Barrel out by the interstate. And she found a school for her remaining children who aren't yet in jail...yet. The Republican party is imploding even faster now. I can't believe this is real life! 🤣

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Lisa59's avatar

I'm thinking 🤔 she's more qualified for the Hooter's manager program. Her sons would love that. I hope Ken Burns is writing all of this down. I can't wait for his 10 part series; why is America so completely fucked up.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

LOL Hooters is the definite place for her! Ken Burns has a massive project ahead of him. HAHAH!

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Sharon Senkiew's avatar

I’d watch the hell out of that!

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Linda Weide's avatar

I have been saying for months that it is imploding. As an experienced teacher, I recognize that when you let the children run the class and things no longer go smoothly because they don't know what they are doing, they don't like it anymore. Even though Buck sucks, I am so glad that he left as unceremoniously as he did, and really handed Boebert a sack of SHIT! I am waiting for everyone else in the Republican party to have a hard time winning as Treacherous-treasonous-traitor-Trump sucks all the money out of the RNC! Serves their donors right. It is most likely all going to go to pay Donald's bills, and bonds.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Couldn't agree more...they ARE like unruly children. How pathetic... and embarrassing for a national political party to slide like this. 🙄

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Charlotte Thompson's avatar

But, not undeserved, they have it coming for all the shit they've pulled.

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SeekingReason's avatar

Charlotte-They earned it all! 😄

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Charlotte Thompson's avatar

You're exactly right.

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Doc Blase''s avatar

Republicanism since Dwight Eisenhower was always a lie, but now it's a mindless cult of sadistic bullies pretending to be patriots, and that's dangerous.

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Claudia Green's avatar

I really like your analogy and I sure hope you are correct that the classroom of toddlers is about to implode.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

Brilliant analogy

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Gopfubar's avatar

Hear Hear! Loved it!

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

Ken Buck may have started an avalanche of GOP Reps leaving in disgust.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Right! Safety in numbers...a mass exodus. 😂😂

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Doc Blase''s avatar

When you gross out Tea-partiers, you know it's bad. Packing up that old tea bag.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That's certainly...a visual.

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Charlie Austin's avatar

Wow! I didn't think that Cracker Barrel provided that sort of service.😂😂😂

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Susan Niemann's avatar

LOL! Don't order the meat loaf. 😂

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Charlie Austin's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Ellis Weiner's avatar

Now wait a minute. It may be meat, but it doesn't loaf.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Haha!!

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Charlie Austin's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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D.Allen's avatar

im spitting my wine!

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Lord John Whorfin's avatar

Back to giving customers bloody diarrhea

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Rick Calegari's avatar

With a side of palm lube for those special moments with her loyal customers from before the diarrhea slider days.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

LOL Truth. 😂😂😂

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Anti fascist's avatar

Ah hahaha!!!!

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Bonnie's avatar

Parking lot hand jobs on break for some cash. She has mad skillz

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

“A rancid puddle of stupid” is just sublime wordsmithitude. Bravo!

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Michael H Sparks's avatar

When it comes to wordsmithitude, Jeff is the wordsmithiest, and the reason I ponied up the dough.

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Karla's avatar

Same! The Republican Party implosion is 200% funny.. 100% on its own and 100% because of Jeff’s daily take on it.

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Sharon C Storm's avatar

Me too! 🤣😂

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Lynne Murphy's avatar

Me too! Can’t imagine my life without him💙💙💙💙

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D.Allen's avatar

Me, too!😂😂

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Jodi Richard's avatar

Yep, it sure is! So now the challenge is to use “a rancid puddle of stupid” in a sentence at least once a week!

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

I'm in! Make it the new "ice bucket challenge"!

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Deb's avatar

Stupidville is being overrun by MAGAs...retiring or otherwise!

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Cathy Carrozza's avatar

That was my favorite!! It’s poetic Jeff!!

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Jim Ryan's avatar

“I’d rather sit down with Hannibal Lechter and eat my own liver.”

“So we’ll put you down as a ‘maybe?’”

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Charlie Austin's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Kim Nesvig's avatar

Surely, Mike Johnson would want us to see the hand of God behind the current state of the GOP House. What message might God be trying to convey to Mike and his colleagues?

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Tess's avatar

Well it sure as hell isn’t “Love Thy Neighbor!” lol

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Catherine's avatar

It definitely isn't that, it's more along the lines of "cut thy neighbor with razor wire, and let the children drown".

"And get on my app so we can monitor when the other jacks off" 😳

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Kay-El's avatar

I’m not sure if God curses, but maybe a middle finger?

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Lisa59's avatar

God went out for a pack of smokes and never came back.

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Kay-El's avatar

That would be a wise decision.

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Openly Fae's avatar

Have Mike check his porn monitoring app to make sure God isn't rubbing one out at Only Fascists.

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SPW's avatar

Speaking of tic toc, I saw a Huff-Po headline that had Steve Munchkin(Mnuchin)thinking of buying it.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

That would be obscene, selling it to the foreclosure king, an all around evil piece of shit.

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P. J. Schuster's avatar

But of course!! I’d bet money that Mnuchin, & perhaps a couple others in with him, had this consortium all lined up ahead of time. It’s rumored that Yass, a man who individually & through his co (? Hedge Fund) owns 17% of ByteDance, has loaned or given LDFF some cash & that’s why T has done his sudden reversal about forcing the sale.

The whole thing seems really odd to me that it came to the floor so suddenly after being left hanging in the closet for several years??

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SPW's avatar

If I were god, my list for old Mikey boy and the things he could do would be so long it would take him 5 lifetimes to start making a dent.

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Tama2U's avatar

Let them continue their cannibalistic implosion as it’s only going to get better. I’m among the enthusiastic observers and am not above gloating as I make my way to the polls in November.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Come sit by me, we'll watch together, and snark about it.

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Don A in Pennsultucky's avatar

WTF did she mean by the "uniparty"? Totally deranged.

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Kay-El's avatar

I’ve seen “uniparty” crop up more and more from the basement dwellers who comment on Notes

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Openly Fae's avatar

There's also a legitimate usage of it as a slang term for both popular parties since they both support the rich largely. I can see that usage is going to decline though.

Remember, the typical Republican response to the poor is "fuck you." The typical Democrats response is "fuck you" with a smile.

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Monnina's avatar

😺

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SeekingReason's avatar

Kay-El-Have some sympathy, they are working with 2.5 brain cells and can only absorb so many words to repeat! 😄

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Don A in Pennsultucky's avatar

Basically a synonym for "them" where "them" refers to all the non-crazies.

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Ema's avatar

TY - was not familiar with that term.

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Steve B's avatar

It's so typical that it would be Steve Bannon that would steal the term from someone else and use it for his own bullshit "reasons," but the word is stupid to begin with, so typical, and no surprise.

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

They have always spoken in opposite meaning terminology: virtue becomes vice, because they don't get why you would be nice to someone who isn't of your 'tribe'.

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Monnina's avatar

Thanks. I was struggling with that. I thought she was referring to a party of college graduates. This term flags a whole new level of MAGA paranoia.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

I love that it's happening enough that there is a name for it

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Sharon Buchbinder, PhD's avatar

“I'd rather sit down with Hannibal Lecter and eat my own liver.”

OMIGOD! This should be embroidered on pillow!

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CAM from 🇨🇦's avatar

Thanks Jeff for setting the record straight about Ken Buck. I hadn’t realized he had been part of the tea party, but I’ll forgive him because he’s playing his part in ensuring that Boebert never walks up the stairs of the Capitol ever again.

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Newton’s 2nd Law's avatar

The last of the “normal” House Republicans left with Adam Kinzinger and Cheney.

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Kay-El's avatar

GOP: Election integrity? We don’t need no stinking election integrity.

Rigging the Election is the GOP latest party game

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Rick Calegari's avatar

That's all they got since it's their MO these days. Now that they have assembled the new sham RNC with their cast of treasonous, thieving, despicable dipshits, most of that money will now go to the fuckface defense fund. It should also limit the amount of funds going to other GOP candidates. How they continue to get away with their bullshit shenanigans is anyone's guess.

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Kay-El's avatar

While I hate the thought of P01135809 getting a dime, it’s tempered by the thought of other GQP candidates getting stiffed. That’s what they get for tying themselves to Agent Orange. Boo fucking hoo.

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Deb's avatar

I wonder if any of the GQP candidates and donors have realized that their party has just become the cash-cow for Dipshit Donnie and his crooked minions?

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Kay-El's avatar

If they haven’t, they soon will

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Deb's avatar

If they run the RNC the same way they've run their businesses, I foresee piles of unpaid bills, disgruntled creditors, and bouncing checks...MAGA!🙃

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Rick Calegari's avatar

That's Trumpian way. Always failing while claiming otherwise.

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Catherine's avatar

Maybe they have and that's what inspired bucks departure and the potential others

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Pipe Dream Life's avatar

Why do their egregious crimes keep being swept under the carpet? How can any self-respecting Republican stay in the party now that the party is all MAGA all the time? Anyone calling themselves a “Republican” now is complicit. Kind of like the Germans that lied that they didn’t know. Republicanism is dead. Get out of the MAGA party now and vote Biden to stop Trump! And vote Blue down ticket to get the rest of the sympathizers of the insurrection out too. If you have an ounce of patriotism left and to save our democracy, stop sending MAGA your money! You are being robbed of your dignity, sanity and common decency!

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Susan Niemann's avatar

It will be interesting to see if Liz Cheney's new Pac The Great Task (greattask.com) will gain any traction in the future. I dont agree with her politics but I appreciated her efforts on the J6 committee.

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Pipe Dream Life's avatar

It’s okay—even healthy to disagree and debate policy positions. Compromise isn’t a dirty word. I don’t agree with many of Liz Cheney’s policy positions, but I deeply respect her integrity. She stood up for democracy, truth and basic decency. The MAGA mob is all about excluding those that disagree. They are all about forcing us all to think like they do. They are not patriots. They are criminals. Liz sacrificed everything to oppose Donald Trump—and we all have to as well. Trump and his ilk are a cancer on our democracy.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Completely agree. It will be interesting to watch this. She is dedicating herself to reforming the conservative party and thats a good thing. ✌️

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

I mean I think Liz is doing just fine.

I hate to say it but let's not forget Dick Cheney and Halliburton and everything that came before that got us in this fighting for democracy mess.

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Pipe Dream Life's avatar

While we can hold Dick Cheney for his actions, his daughter is her own woman. She clearly has been a stalwart champion of democracy. Dick's folly is part of this mess, but seems tame compared to outright insurrection. Not giving Dick a pass, but the Republican party is dead, and MAGA has is what's left. All Trumpers in Congress are culpable and should be voted out. I suggest we stay focused on the foes from right here, right now and kick them to the curb. Vote for 4 more years for Joe Biden and vote blue down ticket to rid us of this scourge. Let's put decency, truth, and fighting for the common good in charge.

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🌷IntheHalloftheMtnKing's avatar

I appreciate your insight.

For me, when any Cheney has more money than I can even comprehend and possibly made significant gains to their fortune through politics I am cautiously optimistic & of course, I might be wrong...

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

And do NOT go duck hunting with him.

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Jodi Richard's avatar

Well said Teddi, only wish the people who needed to hear and listen to this and take these logical steps actually read this article and the comments.

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Dana's avatar

Thanks , Jeff! Any truth to the “rumor” Rep Buck will call for the ouster of Moses Mike as he heads for the door? Only takes one vote, right? Would be delicious to watch as they retreat to their Retreat.

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Deb's avatar

I love the idea of resigning by voicemail...the next one can resign by sticky note stuck to MAGA Mike's door! 😊

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Robert R's avatar

Oh! That would be fantastic,what a kick in the nuts that would be!👍🥳

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George A. Polisner's avatar

Jeff you make (some) of this tolerable, so a grateful nation thanks you -at least those of us who read and not those who sit on their La-Z-Boy chair while injecting Rupert Murdoch directly into their veins while mumbling 'Make America Great Again'.

It all would be laugh out loud hilarious if it weren't for what continues to unfold in Gaza, the hostages still held, and Trump's boss in Russia talking nukes if Russia's sovereignty is threatened (of course it wasn't threatened until human garbage and crime boss Putin decided to invade other countries). In the meantime, climate change, growing national debt coupled with rising interest rates, and House GOP conducting 'investigations' with no basis in fact, evidence, or witnesses (at least witnesses not consorting with foreign agents).

In his most vivid LSD-fueled imagination, Hunter S. Thompson could not have imagined a so-called political party gone so deeply off the rails as today's GOP led by religious zealot Mike Johnson and idiots like Jordan, Gaetz, Boebert, and Comer.

I suspect if HST were alive he'd be writing the final chapters of "Kingdom from Hell -America born again at the intersection of a Kleptocracy and Theocracy -and is there a notable difference?"

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Eileen's avatar

Bravo, George! Agree Jeff makes my day in this current political unfolding tragedy. I think the most tragic thing you pointed out in your post is "of course it [Russia] wasn't threatened until...crime boss Putin" So, so sad. Imagine if Russia had entered the 21st century with a determination to arrest the climate crisis instead of its own people.

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Robert R's avatar

So sad indeed ,the people of Russia deserve better than that Midget egomaniac running the country!It’s a shame that they didn’t have someone strong enough to give them a democracy when the USSR collapsed!

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Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Have you read his parody about Clarence Thomas: "Fear and Loathing in Elko"?https://beatpatrol.wordpress.com/2010/02/23/hunter-s-thompson-fear-and-loathing-in-elko-1992/

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George A. Polisner's avatar

You've put it on my list! At present I'm mired in David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest" -and it might be 2026 before I'm through. DFW's essay "What is Water" remains one of the most insightful perspectives on context. I find with everything I read (except, perhaps for Mick Herron's "Slow Horses" series) every so often I need to get a dose of Hunter. :)

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Don'tBlameTheDog's avatar

The landlord of Boobert's restaurant in the Colorado mountains refused to renew her lease. But they did sign up a new establishment that serves.... Wait for it....... Mexican food!

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Debbie Shapiro's avatar

I suppose it’s too much to hope for that 3 more House Nazis will resign or drop dead.

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Lorraine Parish's avatar

Buck said there were at three more after him that were considering resigning.

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