Fox News lied about jury instructions and incited a total wingnut meltdown

Fox viewers have yet to hear a single true fact about Donny's trial

Fox News lies constantly to its audience. this we know. lying is their life’s work. it’s baked into their business model. even their earliest slogan — fair and balanced — was a huge fucking lie.

as a result, Fox News viewers are the most ignorant halfwits on the planet. a study done some years ago famously found that Fox News viewers are less-informed about current events than people who don’t consume any news at all.

Fox has to lie to their audience. if they told the truth, they’d lose viewers. in fact, this actually happened after Fox was first to call Arizona for Biden in the 2020 election — their angry dipshit audience abandoned them and went running to the warm comfort of the even bigger liars at Newsmax.

which is why it’s totally unsurprising that yesterday, after the jury received their instructions in the Big Trump Campaign Fraud Fuckery Trial, Fox reporters lied their lying faces off about what Judge Merchan told the jurors — to make it seem as if the whole thing was being deliberately rigged against Dear Leader.

first, the truth — for each of the 34 counts,

the jury must find unanimously that Trump created fraudulent business records and that he did it with the intent to influence an election through unlawful means.

that’s the easy-peasy-to-grasp part. the jury’s vote must be 12-0 for Trump to be found guilty of a count. now it gets arcane.

There are a number of different unlawful means Trump and his co-conspirators could have used to try and influence the election. The law says the jury doesn’t have to agree unanimously on which one of them Trump used, and that’s how the Judge instructed the jury. This is consistent with New York law; there is nothing wrong about this.

so, there are a number of ways to criminally influence an election via falsified business documents. what are these ways? I don’t fucking know, I’m just a loudmouth on the internet. go ask Allen Weisselberg, if you can track him down in Rikers.

but here’s the important part: jurors don’t have to be in agreement about how the law was broken — they just have to agree that the law was broken.

if you’re still following along with what I’m saying, then you’re smarter than Fox News reporter John Roberts — because here’s the lie he told to his audience:

Judge Merchan just told the jury that they do not need unanimity to convict. 4 could agree on one crime, 4 on a different one, and the other 4 on another. He said he would treat 4-4-4 as a unanimous verdict.

no. fuck no. that’s not what Merchan told the jury — but for John Roberts, it was mission accomplished. the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex exploded. rigged! the whole thing is rigged! Merchan is making up his own rules because he hates Dear Leader!

Marco Rubio picked up this ball of maggoty shit and ran with it.

Judge in Trump case in NYC just told jury they don’t have to unanimously agree on which crime was committed as long as they all at least pick one

And that among the crimes the can pick from are ones Trump WASN’T EVEN CHARGED WITH!!!

This is exactly the kind of sham trial used against political opponents of the regime in the old Soviet Union

Little Marco repeats Roberts’ lie and adds his own new one: “And that among the crimes the can pick from are ones Trump WASN’T EVEN CHARGED WITH!!!”

what the fuck are you gibbering about, Marco? are you seriously suggesting that the jury is allowed to make shit up? that they’re in the jury room right now, going I don’t know, let’s make having fucked-up hair a crime. GUILTY! GUILTY!

here’s a fun fact: Marco Rubio is a lawyer. he knows that none of the poison he’s spewing is true. it’s just more performative nonsense to burnish his MAGA cred.

give it up, Marco. you’re never going to be Trump’s vice presidential pick.

speaking of Little Donny Fuckface, he’s got his own brand new lie he’s been yelling about, and it perfectly encapsulates how the Fox News Feedback Loop works.

here’s what Donny posted to his crappy app.

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE CHARGES ARE IN THIS RIGGED CASE—I AM ENTITLED TO SPECIFICITY JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE. THERE IS NO CRIME!”

this fucking guy.

EARTH TO MORON: MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED AWAKE WHILE THE CHARGES WERE BEING READ TO YOU.

oh, and by the way? Judge Merchan read the charges to Trump on April 14, 2024 — and Donny was awake.

Judge: “Mr. Trump, do you understand these charges?”
Trump: “Yes I do.”

now here’s America’s Drunkest Judge on Fox News yesterday, after guzzling all the box wine, picking up this lie and amplifying it.

“and all of a sudden, this defendant, now is finding out what the other crime is. he was denied his Fifth Amendment right to know the charges against him.”

that’s two thirds of the Fox News Feedback loop — and today or tomorrow, when Trump is in his little courthouse playpen, holding his emotional support papers, he’ll read a printout of Drunkie’s words, and the loop will be complete. Donny while have lied, Fox will have repeated the lie, and Donny will use Fox News as proof that the lie is truth.

look at Todd Blanche there, next to Trump. does he have the look of a guy who knows he’s going to have to sue Trump to get paid, or what?

meanwhile, between John Roberts and Judge Drunkie, Fox News consumers have yet to have hear a single true fact about what’s been going on in court.

here’s another beauty out of the mouth of Lord Diaperstain.

“Mother Theresa could not beat these charges. These charges are rigged. The whole thing is rigged. The whole country’s a mess.”

hey bro — you claim that you don’t even know what the charges are, how do you know that Mother Teresa couldn’t beat them?

she looks pretty fierce to me.

it seems that Robert De Niro really got under Donny’s skin.

“he’s a broken-down fool standing out there. he got MAGA’d.”

oh shit, we’ve just witnessed the birth of a new catchphrase. two or three ragtag Trump cultists yelling back at De Niro is now “getting MAGA’d.”

be on guard for your drunk uncle — the one who ruins every Thanksgiving — to corner you at the next family gathering so he can get in your face about the latest person to “get MAGA’d.”

at least now you’ll know what the fuck he’s gibbering about.

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CORRECTION CORNER: I need to clarify something I wrote yesterday.

holy shit, did Blanche just threaten the jury? did he actually tell the jurors to “think twice” before sending his mobster client to prison?

it sure as fuck sounds like a threat. no wonder Judge Merchan was pissed.

this is me editorializing. what triggered Merchon’s anger is that it’s out of bounds for a defense lawyer to play off the sympathies of the jurors by talking about the potential punishment of the defendant.

I should have made it more clear that I was just being a loudmouth on the internet, and thank you to all the actual lawyers who emailed me to tell me to get me shit together.

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and finally, can I just brag about this?