elderly golfer’s latest speech so incoherent that Fox News cuts away

and Clay Higgins is a ginormous piece of shit

Sep 26, 2024

Little Donny Fuckface’s speeches have never been rooted in reality, but lately they keep getting wackier and weirder.

first it was the batteries and the sharks. every damned speech featured a five-minute ramble in which Donny posed this would you rather be eaten or electrocuted question to some imaginary boat salesman who, in Donny’s telling, would be all sir! sir! no one has ever been smart enough to ask this! sir! how do you do it?

then the “late great” Hannibal Lecter got added to the mix — because Donny is too fucking simmple to understand the difference between political asylum and insane asylum.

now every speech includes THEY’RE EATING THE DAWGS as its centerpiece.

the thing is, Donny’s verbal diarrhea is entertaining for about five minutes, after which it becomes mind-numbingly boring. after enduring an hour of it, even the most brainwashed cultist will go come on Edna, let’s go home and watch wrestling on tv.

Donny knows this. he can see the exhausted rubes heading for the exits by the hundreds. that’s why, when Kamala needled him about it during the debate, he completely lost his shit and unraveled on live tv, crapping the bed in front of millions.

Donny was in Mint Hill, North Carolina, yesterday, ostensibly to lay out his economic vision for America. how tedious was Donny’s speech? this tedious: he began speaking at 1:09pm, and at 1:38 — 29 minutes into his speech — Fox News decided enough was enough, and mercifully cut away.

Fox: “all right, we’re going to continue to watch this. uh, we carried this economic speech in its entirety for almost an hour and a half yesterday.”

we’re going to continue is polite Fox-speak for Jesus Christ on a corncob, we had to sit through an hour and half of this blithering fool’s incoherent gibberish yesterday. don’t make us do it again or we fucking swear we’re going to open a vein.

but if only Fox had kept their cameras on Donny for another 45 seconds, their viewers would have witnessed this crowning moment of what the fuck:

“…be able to compete with North Carolina, or businesses in any other state in our once-great country, soon to be greater-than-ever-before country, all of your furniture makers are going to come back, and come back bigger and stronger and better than ever before. they’re mostly gone. they’re all coming back. this is why people in countries want to kill me.”

oh, for Pete’s sake. this broken-inside narcissist now imagines international ninjas lurking around every corner — and he’s never going to shut up about it. not ever, because Donny loves to play the victim. woe is me, woe is me, everyone’s trying to kill me. even during the debate, he couldn’t wait to bark about how he took a bullet.

Donny, fuck straight off with this I took a bullet nonsense. your ear got nicked by god knows if it even was a bullet, you vainglorious nitwit.

you know who actually took a bullet? Teddy Fucking Roosevelt, that’s who. the old Bull Moose himself.

on October 14, 1912, T-Rose was on his way to give a speech when an assassin shot him. Teddy was such a badass that he gave the speech anyway — with the bullet still lodged in his chest. only after he finished speaking did he go to the hospital.

did Teddy R spend the rest of his life whining about how he took a bullet? no, he did not. he never said a word about it in public ever again. that’s how it’s done, Donny.

know who else took an actual bullet? Ronald Reagan. did he bitch and moan about it? nope. did he sell commemorative tee shirts bearing a photo of him being hustled into his limo? fuck no. Ronnie was a piece of shit but at least he had dignity.

but Donny? I took a bullet for your sins is his brand now. ugh.

Donny gave his speech, by the way, in a warehouse. check out this super-excited overflow crowd.

can’t you feel the Donnymentum?

Louisiana Rep. Clay Higgins continues to work toward achieving his lifelong dream of becoming the stinkiest lump of excretia in Congress.

Clay’s worked himself into a Big Hissy over Springfield’s Haitian community filing of criminal charges against Donny and Couchfuck for their part in spewing hateful fuckery and endangering people’s lives.

so yesterday, Clay took to his official Congressional not-twitter account and posted this beaut:

it’s like Clay’s trying to win a fucked-up America’s Top Racist pageant. he manages to wedge every slur under the sun into his not-tweet.

but Clay seems a little confused here. Haitians didn’t file charges against “our president and VP.” for the record, Joe Biden is president, Kamala Harris is the Veep, Couchfuck McGee is a Senator from Ohio, and Donny is an 34-count convicted narcoleptic fart factory. getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you, Clay?

now, what’s all this about how “these thugs better get their mind right and their ass out of our country before January 20th”? what exactly are you threatening, Clay?

Higgins has a long history of running his damn fool mouth.

remember ghost buses?

Higgins: “are you familiar with … with … do you know what a ‘ghost vehicle’ is? Director, you’re the Director of the FBI, you certainly should. you know what a ‘ghost bus’ is?”
Wray: “a ‘ghost bus’?”
Higgins: “a ‘ghost bus’.”
Wray: “I’m not sure I’ve used that term before.”
Higgins: “ok, it’s pretty common in law enforcement. it’s a vehicle that’s … that’s used for secret purposes. it’s painted over. these two buses in the middle here, these were the first to arrive at Union Station on January 6, zero five hundred, I have all this evidence … these buses were nefarious in nature and were filled with FBI informants dressed as Trump supporters, to blow the entire Capitol on January 6th. your day is coming, Mr. Wray.”

that was Clay, last November, pestering FBI Director Chris Wray about his overheated fever swamp insistence that busloads of FBI informants dressed as Trump supporters had infiltrated the otherwise-peaceful January 6th “protestors.” they were the ones doing violence, not MAGA, oh no.

so yeah, Clay is not playing with anything near a full deck.

remember when Clay told Jack Smith that his “days were numbered”?

“his days are numbered, and American patriots are not going to idly stand by.”

fucking awesome — how is this not a direct threat on the life of a member of the Department of Justice? how has the Secret Service not worn a well-trodden path to Clay Higgins’ front door by now?

remember know your bridges?

after Donny got indicted for his Georgia election fuckery, Clay once again took to not-twitter.

this is the most egregious of all Clay’s threats — because while it reads like gibberish to you and me, it’s actually a coded message to militias.

“This isn’t a metaphor. This isn’t slow civil war. This is a congressman calling for the real thing.”
”Prepare for war. ‘Know your bridges’ is militia speak for closing them down. County level insurrection.”

rPOTUS is militia-speak for Donny — the “real President.” 1/50k is the scale used in military maps.

how lovely, we have a sitting Congressman who is a conspiracy loon with an intimate knowledge of how to speak to gun-toting insurrectionists in their own language.

nothing to see here, right? what could possibly go wrong?

Holy Mike Johnson is a greasy little weasel. when reporters ask him to comment on Clay’s reckless mouth, he tried like hell to squirm his way out of taking any kind of stand.

Holy Mike: “Clay Higgins is a dear friend of mine and a colleague from Louisiana, and a very frank and outspoken person. he’s also a very principled man. I didn’t even see it but he tweeted something today about Haitians.”

Reporter: “he told them to get out of the country by Jan 20th.”

Johnson: “ok. he was approached on the floor by colleagues who said that was offensive. He said he went to the back and he prayed about it, and he regretted it, and he pulled the post down. I’m sure he probably regrets the language he used. But you know, we move forward. We believe in redemption around here.”

oh, okay. Clay isn’t a really an unhinged asshole, oh no — he’s just misunderstood. you might think he’s being racist, but you’d be so wrong. Clay’s just frank and outspoken and principled. and besides, Mike never saw the tweet, and then Clay prayed really really hard about it, and then deleted it. so no harm, no foul — because redemption. we’re all about redemption, here in the halls of Congress.

fuck these Republican shitweasel fucks, the whole fucking lot of them.

New York City Mayor Eric Adams has been federally indicted for bribery, wire fraud and other crimes. good. fuck that guy. I don’t give a shit that he’s a Democrat — he’s about as corrupt as they come, and should resign.