elderly golfer spent the weekend spewing dangerous lies. the press snoozed through it.

wake up and do your jobs

hey, remember those adorable Hitler-quoting madcaps, the Mothers for Liberty? they were hot fucking shit a couple of years ago.

in case you’ve already forgotten these charmers, let me catch you up. the Moms began as a pandemic-era ‘parent’s rights’ group, railing against mask mandates and school closures — so naturally, they were the immediate darlings of ignorant Republicans everywhere.

high on their own supply, the Moms branched out into banning schoolbooks and trying to get LGBTQ+ teachers fired. it was at that point that they wore out their welcome. in one school board election after another, parents decided enough of this shit, and voted the Moms off the island. then one of their co-founders got caught up in a sex scandal and the group fucking imploded.

the Liberty Moms have a lot in common with Donny Convict these days. he, too, is past his sell-by date and struggling to regain relevance. so it’s only natural that the Moms invited Donny to be the keynote speaker at the third annual summit.

Donny’s speech, of course, was just one rancid lie after another — but the fantasy he spewed about transgender children was probably the most surreal.

“the transgender thing is incredible. think of it: your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. the school decides what’s going to happen with your child — and you know many of these childs, fifteen years later, say, ‘what the hell happened? who did this to me?’”

first of all, yes, this demented moron actually said ‘childs.’

second, what in the actual fuck is this fever-swamp fairy tale? it’s obviously not true. no school anywhere is making unilateral decisions about gender reassignment surgery. but apart from that, none of Donny’s story makes one lick of sense.

your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation.

seriously? let’s take Donny at his word and play this scenario out. you hand little Johnny his lunch, pat him on the head and send him off to school. that afternoon, he fails to come off the bus. concerned, you call the school. I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, we can’t tell you anything. but don’t worry. Johnny’s fine. he’ll be home in a few days.

three days later, the school bus pulls up and here comes little Johnny. except he’s wearing a dress. he’s Janey now.

according to Donny, this ludicrous scenario is playing out in schools across the nation, right now. but Donny spewing this story is not the insane part. the insane part is that Donny’s deranged worshipers believe every word of this lunacy.

because that’s how cults work. everything Dear Leader tells you is gospel. once you believe that a shot-to-pieces ear can magically regenerate itself in three days, you’ll believe anything.

it’s only a matter of time before some unhinged idiot, worked up into a rage and terrified that their own little Cletus is going one day to come home Cletusette, takes up his AR-15 and wanders into the nearest hospital to mete out quote-unquote ‘justice.’

because we’ve seen this before. we’ve all seen Planned Parenthood clinics bombed and doctors gunned down — all because some deranged gullible fool believed some cynical demagogue’s lie.

so where are the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media? shouldn’t they be raising alarms? shouldn’t they at least be reporting on this?

sorry, Charlie. the press is too busy turning over every stone, trying to get to the bottom of this whole vitally-important did Kamala really work at McDonald’s thing.

Harris has made this claim repeatedly over the years, and multiple reputable news outlets have reported on the story. But, aside from Harris’ testimony itself, there is no evidence (such as a photo, employment record, or confirmation from a friend or family member) to independently verify the claim. We’ve reached out to Harris’ campaign and McDonald’s and we’ll update this report when, or if, we learn more.

wonderful. excellent use of resources. yes, please get back to us just as soon as you ferret out the truth. our votes are hinging on it.

by the way, the Guardian did cover Donny’s tale of what he calls ‘the transgender thing.’ here’s how they framed it.

“Trump went to make another wildly misleading claim”

I’m sorry, but no — it’s not a ‘misleading claim.’ it’s a monstrous lie — one that sooner or later is going to get someone killed.

the press has really been working overtime to cover themselves with glory these days.

remember last week, when Kamala refused to be goaded into getting down in the mud with Dana Bash?

Dana Bash: “he suggested that you happened to turn Black, recently, for political purposes, questioning a core part of your identity.”
Kamala Harris: “same old tired playbook. next question, please.”
Bash: “that’s it?”
Harris: “that’s it.”

here’s how Politico reported it.

got that? Politico’s issue isn’t that Donny Convict is a racist asshole, it’s that Kamala is being evasive.

free clue for Politico: there are no questions about Kamala’s identity. there is only racist posturing. stop being the Republicans’ willing tool.

Donny spent this entire past weekend flipping and flopping on the issue of how he’ll vote on Florida’s six-week abortion ban. first he said he’d vote against it, and then, after every evangelical screamed at him, he folded like a pack of cards and said he’d vote for it. here’s how the Washington Post cleaned up that shitpile.

see? you probably thought that Donny was flailing after his own mouth got him in trouble. he’s not — he’s just searching for a winning message.

oh, ok. thanks for clearing that up.

meanwhile, Donny continues his search for a winning message. last week, he announced — with great fanfare — that during his second presidency, IVF treatments would be free.

“I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for, or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for, all costs associated with IVF treatment,” the former president said at a campaign event in Potterville, Michigan.

of course, it wasn’t a serious policy proposal. Donny is floundering, and pandering for votes. free IVF was just an improvised thing that fell out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth during a campaign appearance — but every media outlet dutifully wrote it up and printed it.

graphic by Parker Molloy

now imagine that Kamala announced that IVF would be free. you absolutely know what the first thing out of the media’s mouth would be.

how are you going to pay for it? HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT???

they would hound Kamala about it, and never stop hounding her — but Donny gets a free pass. imagine that a reporter did try to pin Donny down about paying for IVF. you know what would happen next.

we’re going to be looking at it very strongly and in about two weeks we’re going to be releasing our plan. it’s going to be great. you’ll see.

two weeks. his plan will be ready in two weeks. that’s Donny’s answer to everything — and the press never, ever follows up on it.

it’s an insult to our intelligence — but nine years into this pantomime, the press is just as willing to play along as they were when Donny came down that stupid fucking escalator in 2016.

oh hey — the Washington Post has come up with a novel way of framing Donny’s desecration of Arlington National Cemetery.

now you tell me, does this family look like they’re grieving?

because it looks to me like these dipshits are having the time of their lives, getting to pose with Thumbs-Up McMoron.

have I mentioned lately that Nicholas Kristof can fuck all the way off?

Too often since 2016, the liberal impulse has been to demonize anyone at all sympathetic to Donald Trump as a racist and bigot. This has been politically foolish, for it’s difficult to win votes from people you’re disparaging.

oh god, not this tut-tut be nice nonsense again. the press has been dumping this horse shit on us since 2016. back then, they wanted us to believe that a bunch of racists Nazis were all set to vote for the email lady, but then she called them ‘a basket of deplorables’ and so they all switched their votes to Donny.

I don’t know if Kristof has noticed, but Donny’s rabid cultists have spent the last eight years calling us child-grooming communist pedophiles. and that’s just for starters.

we’re supposed to be nice to these people?

I’m sorry, Nick, but I’ve run out of cheeks to turn.