serious presidential candidate answers dumb-as-fuck questions

we all saw this coming a mile away

it was all so predictable. look at what I wrote two weeks ago.

let’s imagine that Kamala agreed to hold a presser tomorrow. we all know what would happen: it would devolve into a shit-show. the press would waste everyone’s time — and drop our collective IQ by three points — by asking worthless questions.

“Madam Vice President, Donald Trump says you only recently became Black. what is your response?”

who fucking cares? what fresh insight could possibly be gained by asking these kinds of questions? what’s Kamala going to say, that Donny’s a racist lunatic? we already know this. what would be the point of bringing up the toxic sludge that oozes out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth?

and, sure enough —

Dana Bash: “he suggested that you happened to turn Black, recently, for political purposes, questioning a core part of your identity.”
Kamala Harris: “same old tired playbook. next question, please.”
Bash: “that’s it?”
Harris: “that’s it.”

a perfect answer to an unserious question, followed by Dana Bash’s disappointed “that’s it?” yes, Dana, that’s it. next question, please — which is Kamalaspeak for fuck straight off with this stupid bullshit, mmmkay?

CNN’s Dana Bash is not a serious journalist. she’s a gotcha generator. listen to her waste everyone’s time splitting hairs with Tim Walz.

“you had to clarify that you had said that you and your wife used IVF but it turns out you used a different kind of fertility in order to have children.”

seriously, Dana? IVF has become a catch-all phrase for any medically-assisted pregnancy. yes, IUI — the procedure the Walzes used — is technically not the same thing as IVF, but for fuck’s sake, you might as well scream at people who say please hand me a Kleenex when can’t you see it says Scott Tissues right on the box, Tim?

are we done policing Gwen Walz’s uterus, Dana? can we move on?

“Tim Walz lied about IVF” is a right-wing talking point. “Kamala Harris isn’t really Black” is a right-wing talking point.

pestering Democratic candidates about right-wing talking points is not journalism. it’s being a Republican tool.

and what is the fucking point of asking Kamala or Tim “here’s what you said five years ago, here’s what you said now, why did you change” when Donny Convict routinely changes positions on major issues in the middle of a sentence — and nobody in the press bothers to say boo?

listen to what Captain Dumbfuck said last night.

“the people that are coming in just taken— it’s gonna start with black population. African-Americans are losing their jobs. I don’t know if you’ve heard the latest statistic that of the jobs that these people created, which is very little, every single job was taken — about 107% — was taken by illegal immigrants.”

math, how does it work? Donny’s been repeating this bullshit about immigrants taking 107% of jobs for weeks now. why is no one in the press demanding that Donny explain how this is even mathematically possible. for that matter, why hasn’t anyone in the media confronted Donny about his extremely racist belief that unskilled jobs are “black” jobs?

look, Kamala and Tim did just fine. they were in good spirits. they answered every question. will their interview move the needle? not one micrometer.

those of us who are pumped to be voting Harris-Walz remain pumped to be voting Harris-Walz. the dipshits drinking the KomradeKamalaTiananmenTim kool aid are going to keep on doing their stupid thing. and the press who have been screaming why won’t Kamala talk to us will just move on to their next manufactured grievance.

hey, while we’re on the subject — Dana also asked the obligatory “what will you do on the very first day of your presidency” question, which of course is shorthand for what are your most important priorities? — but just once I’d like to hear a candidate answer it the way I would. because if I were ever sworn in as president, I’d spend the entire first day running up and down the halls of the White House, punching my fist in the air and shouting fuck yeah, I’m the fuckin’ president! — and then I’d dress for my Inaugural Ball.

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now let’s contrast last night’s CNN gotcha-fest with the kid-glove treatment Donny got when the network interviewed him last year. here’s what I wrote about it at the time.

there they were, giving a traitor to his country free prime air time and bowing and scraping and calling him ‘mister president’ and giving him the respect and deference he absolutely fucking does not deserve.

CNN packed the audience with MAGA enthusiasts. the network bent over backwards to ensure Trump would be able to preen and boast and lie and distort in front of an adoring crowd and receive no push-back at all.

it was an utter fucking embarrassment.

Trump mocked the woman he raped. his audience giggled and hooted and cheered.

Trump repeated the disgusting fantasy of ‘post-birth abortion.’ “you could kill the baby at 9 months or after it was born.” CNN host Kaitlan Collins let it go unchallenged.

can you spot the difference?

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Couchfuck McGee’s ‘look how repellent I am’ tour continued yesterday with a stop at the 2024 International Association of Fire Fighters conference.

firefighters: “booooooooooo.”
Couchfuck: “semper fi, guys, it sounds like we’ve got some fans and some haters.”

JD, you idiot — firefighters don’t say semper fi, they say semper paratus. it means “always ready.” you might want to adopt that as your own slogan, since you’re always ready to say something stupid.

you know, it might have been a mistake for Vance to appear before a roomful of staunch union members wearing TRUMP IS A SCAB t-shirts.

now let’s check out how the same union greeted Tim Walz when he appeared the previous day.

audience: [sustained cheering]

I guarantee that not one of those firefighters gives one fuck if Gwen Walz underwent IVF or IUI — or if Glinda the Good Witch came down from Oz, waved her magic wand and put a baby up there.

hey, media: how about you stop playing gotcha games and focus on the real issues?

you’d be doing the entire country a solid.