elderly golfer is wrong about everything

it’s so easy to solve the world’s problems when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about

oh look, the dumbest fucking imbecile on the planet has a new emotional support hat.

may I respectfully disagree with the premise of Donny’s golf cap? because despite its cheery insistence that Dear Leader is always right, Donny is wrong all day long.

Donny believes a lot of stupid shit. windmills cause noise cancer. exercise is bad for you. horse goo cures covid. you can stop a hurricane by nuking it. magnets don’t work if they’re wet. he’s better looking than Kamala Harris.

and then there’s my all time favorite batshit hallucination of Donny’s: that there is a huge-ass faucet in Canada that’s so fucking enormous, it’s the size of a building and takes an entire day to turn — and the reason that California has droughts is that Gavin Newsom refuses to turn that ginormous faucet, because he’s a commie marxist fascist.

but let’s turn to what Donny is wrong about right now.

Donny believes that the New Year’s Eve incident in New Orleans is proof that
”radical Islamic terrorists” are streaming across Sleepy Brandon’s open borders, hell-bent on fomenting jihad right here in America.

“With the Biden ‘Open Border’s Policy’ I said, many times during Rallies, and elsewhere, that Radical Islamic Terrorism, and other forms of violent crime, will become so bad in America that it will become hard to even imagine or believe.”

never mind that our borders are not “open.” never mind that the suspect was born in America and was a US citizen. and never mind that the FBI currently says the suspect likely acted alone.

The FBI said the suspect in the New Orleans pickup truck attack likely acted alone. Authorities said Shamsud-Din Jabbar posted several videos proclaiming his support for ISIS before the attack. Fourteen people were killed in the attack before Jabbar was shot and killed by police.

that’s not good enough for Donny. he doesn’t want an FBI that investigates facts. Donny wants an FBI that will ignore facts and create bogus evidence in order to prove whatever Donny insists is true — and if the FBI won’t do it, goddammit, Donny will get the CIA involved.

“The CIA must get involved, NOW, before it is too late.”

Donny — and the entire wingnut noise machine — have been trying to convince us that jihadists are streaming across the border since forever. remember this old story from 2019?

now Donny’s got his entire Confederacy of Sewer Clowns out beating this drum.

future border “czar” Tom Homan went on Fox yesterday to bloviate about that second incident of the new year — the one where some yutz drove one of the Space Nazi’s fugly Cybertrucks up to the Trump Hotel in Las Vegas and blew himself the fuck up.

Tom’s absolutely certain the Cybertruck explosion is also the work of Islamic jihadists. never mind that the investigation has just started. never mind that we don’t have all of the facts yet. never mind that the perpetrator was a white dude, born and raised in America.

Tom Homan knows it’s jihadists. let’s let him explain why.

Fox: “as this investigation carries out in Las Vegas, I believe you just said you believe they will find a [terrorist] connection. do you have any other information other than what we just directly heard from the police there in Las Vegas?”

Homan: “no I don’t. this is a gut feeling.”

Tom Homan has a gut feeling. that’s wonderful. know who else used to have a lot of gut feelings? the guy who clownfucked us into decades-long quagmires in Afghanistan and Iraq, that’s who.

When White House aides enter the Oval Office to speak with President Bush, there are dos and don’ts: Look polished. Never be late. Most of all: Be clear and quick in what you say. The boss isn’t fond of lengthy policy chats.

Bush likes hearing differing opinions – just not long ones. If he feels an adviser has veered from a topic, he’ll often send the person away to try again later. Once satisfied he has heard all he needs to, Bush tends to reach a decision largely on gut instinct. Seldom does he turn back.

George W. Bush refused to do any of the reading. he had no attention span. he refused to listen to policy experts — and he made decisions based not on facts, but on what his “gut” told him was true.

does any of that sound familiar?

thousands of American soldiers died in a pointless war because George W. Bush had a gut feeling that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

millions of American citizens died from covid because Donny had a gut feeling that the virus would just disappear all by itself, “like a miracle.”

during Donny’s first presidency, there were actual policy experts in his administration who would sometimes manage to talk him out of listening to his gut. now, Donny’s surrounded himself with sewer clowns who also don’t do the reading, and instead, like Dear Leader, just listen to whatever their gut tells them.

what could possibly go wrong?

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in closing, I want to return to Donny’s belief in a huge Canadian faucet that controls all of California’s water. if you haven’t heard it before, please listen to his entire rant. it's peak batshit.

“and the reason you have no water, you have the canals, the reason you have no water is because Gavin ‘Newscum’ didn’t want to do it. I had it all done. I had the Department of Commerce at the time, believe it or not, they’re the ones that rule on this particular issue. so you have millions of gallons of water pouring down from the north, with the snow caps in Canada, and it all pouring down. and they have essentially a very large faucet. and you turn the faucet, and it takes a day to turn it. it takes one day to turn it, it’s massive. it’s as big as the wall of that building right there behind you. and you turn that, and all of the water goes into the— aimlessly into the Pacific. and if they turned it back, all of that water would come right down here and right into Los Angeles. they wouldn’t have to have people not use more than 30 gallons and 32 gallons. they want to do that, you know. they’re trying to do that. and you have so much water. and all those fields that are right now barren, the farmers would have all the water they needed. and you could revert water up into the hills, where you have all the dead forests, where the forests are so brittle.”

this fucking idiot isn’t just wrong, he’s deranged.

if your own grandfather started blithering about some immense faucet in Canada, you’d confiscate his car keys and start googling for a top-notch memory care center.

this delusional dumbfuck is about to be handed a nuclear arsenal — for the second time.

again, what could go wrong?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.