elderly golfer goes Full Fascist on Fox News

convicted felon Trump calls for military control of elections

before we get down to the main event, the question must be asked: what the fuck is up with Sundowning Grandpa Oompa Loompa’s increasingly-unhinged makeup?

look at this tarted-up rodeo clown. at this point, you could credibly accuse Donny of doing blackface. if he goes any darker, he’ll be in danger of being rounded up by his own Deportation Storm Troopers and put in a relocation camp.

Fox News employs a full-time staff of makeup artists. any one of them would be happy to do a professional job on Donny — but he waves them away, because he knows more about makeup than all the makeup artists.

this is how you do it, honey. watch and learn, he says, as he trowels a half-gallon of burnt-cork spackle across his insipid face — and then stops, a full inch away from his ears. that’s good enough.

Mister President, he says to his own reflection in the mirror, you are one sexy devil. if only Ivanka were here right now, boy oh boy, I’d show her a thing or two.

eww.

Blackface Donny was at Fox News on Sunday morning to sit for an interview with Maria Bartiromo.

Maria is just a godawful person in her own right. listen to her crank the racism dial way past eleven with a little Yellow Peril fearmongering straight out of the 19th century — but also, listen to Donny go full fascist, and take his answer in a completely different direction.

Bartiromo: “let’s remember, you’ve got fifty thousand Chinese nationals in this country in the last couple of years. there are people on the terrorist watch list, three hundred and fifty in the last couple of years. you’ve, like you said, thirteen thousand murderers and fifteen thousand rapists. what are you expecting? Joe Biden said he doesn’t think it’s gonna be a peaceful election day.”

Donny: “well, he doesn’t have any idea what’s happening. in all fairness, he spends most of his days sleeping. I think the bigger problem is the enemy from within. not even the people that have come in and are destroying our country. by the way, totally destroying our country. the towns, the villages, they’re being inundated. but I don’t think they’re the problem in terms of election day. I think the bigger problem are the people from within. we have some very bad people. we have some sick people. radical left lunatics. and it should be very easily handled by, if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military.”

but good fucking lord. the enemy within. Divisive Donny has sliced and diced America into three factions. one, his loyal MAGA cultists. two, the swarthy immigrants who are EATING THE DAWGS. and three, the enemy within. that’s you and me. Donny’s calling for a fucking military presence at the polls, to keep you and me from voting.

in 1933, the people of Germany elected a guy who talked just like this — because he promised to Make Germany Great Again. everyone shrugged off all that stuff about poisoning the blood and enemies within as just election-season speechifying.

oh come on, he’s not really going to do all that. he’s just saying that scheiss to get elected.

that was Germany’s last election for twelve years. it took a world war and millions of deaths to get rid of Dear Führer.

hey, remember after Donny got his ear nicked and the media went full-bore on every Democrat? turn down the rhetoric, they demanded. look at all the violence you’re causing.

you know who really needs to turn down the rhetoric? Donny Convict. where are the calls for this fascist fuck to lighten up on his hate speech?

because when Donny spews hatred, his deranged — and heavily armed — cultists spring right the fuck into action.

all it took was one lie from Donny (and Couchfuck McGee) about Haitians eating pets to turn the quiet city of Springfield, Ohio, into a violent hellscape, complete with schools and hospitals closed down from bomb threats, and migrants hiding in their homes in fear of the roving gangs of freelancing neo-Nazis who came to town to fuck shit up.

all it took was one lie about climate change is a hoax for meteorologists across America to have to endure hundreds of death threats.

now Donny’s violent cultists have turned their attention to hurricane-ravaged North Carolina. did you know that relief workers are having to hide from armed militias?

Federal emergency response personnel on Saturday had employees operating in hard-hit Rutherford County, N.C., stop working and move to a different area because of concerns over “armed militia” threatening government workers in the region, according to an email sent to federal agencies helping with response in the state.

Around 1 p.m. Saturday, an official with the U.S. Forest Service, which is supporting recovery efforts after Hurricane Helene along with the Federal Emergency Management Agency, sent an urgent message to numerous federal agencies warning that “FEMA has advised all federal responders Rutherford County, NC, to stand down and evacuate the county immediately. The message stated that National Guard troops ‘had come across x2 trucks of armed militia saying there were out hunting FEMA.’”

oh, that’s just beautiful. I guess FEMA is now the enemy within, too. how unhinged and paranoid do you have to be to hunt down the people who are trying to bring you food?

One Forest Service official coordinating the Helene recovery said responders moved to a “safe area” and at least some work in that area - which included clearing trees off dozens of damaged and blocked roads to help search-and-rescue crews, as well as groups delivering supplies - was paused.

for fuck’s sake, these people are there to help. what do the cultists imagine those chainsaws are for? they’re clearing downed trees off blocked roads, you fools. and how does MAGA respond? by grabbing their weapons and piling into a pickup truck.

hell yeah, we’s a-goin’ FEMA huntin’. I’m a-gonna shoot me a gummint agent.

lovely.

I know who the real enemy within is, and free clue — it’s not the people who are trying to help.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.