double shocker! Donny’s brain is pudding and young Republicans are racist

scenes from a batshit Tuesday

Preznit Fuckwit’s corroded cortex is having the time of its life right now. it’s traipsing through the tall weeds, out where the buses don’t run, without a single care in the world.

let’s imagine that three or four of Donny’s remaining synapses fire at random, and a thought forms inside his head. is it a coherent thought? is it appropriate to the moment? ‘tra la la la who gives a fuck,’ says Donny’s cortex. ‘let’s just pipe it straight though Dear Leader’s mouth.’

check out Donny’s response to a reporter’s question. he stares vacantly at her, without a single flicker of interest in his eyes. then, when she’s done, he completely ignores her question and sneeringly blows it off.

“I just like to watch her talk. [chuckles] good job. good job. thank you, darling.”

look how casually misogynistic Donny is. ‘thank you, darling.’ then he turns to his fellow sewer clowns and they all start laughing it up — because each and everyone one of them fucking sucks. they all probably congratulated him afterwards on how big of an asshole he was.

‘sir! sir! how do you do it? no one has ever objectified a woman and condescendingly dismissed her like you did, sir!’

there was a time when a tiny portion of Donny’s brain might have gone ‘don’t call her darling,’ and Donny might have listened. but not any more. tra la la la, Demented Donny no longer gives a fuck.

I don’t know who that reporter was, who Donny dismissed with a casual insult, but it would have been the perfect moment for her to have won my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™, which is now in its 2,024th day.

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that was yesterday morning’s fun. let’s move on to the evening, where Donny posthumously awarded that worthless hunk of tin formerly known as the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Charlie Kirk.

but before we do that, let’s revisit that episode from a month ago, when a reporter asked Donny how he was holding up after the loss of a dear friend. Donny’s response was to blither excitedly about how awesome his ballroom was going to be.

now, do you remember the remark that landed Jimmy Kimmel in hot water?

‘this is not how an adult grieves the murder of somebody he called a friend. this is how a four-year-old mourns a goldfish.’

Jimmy nailed it, one hundred percent — but the entire MAGAsphere shit a massive brick and demanded Kimmel’s head on a pike.

I hope every late-night talk show writer is sharpening their pencils, because President Oh My Goldfish did it again.

“please be seated. this is the first time we’ve been at the new and improved Rose Garden, and people are loving it. they’re loving it like they’ve not loved a lot of things. we have the presidential walk of fame, which you just saw, and uh, I just opened, we wanted to get it open for this occasion, we were hoping we were able to get outside, and the weather allowed us to.”

way to make a solemn remembrance of murder of a friend all about yourself, and about that vulgar abomination that used to be the Rose Garden.

ten out of ten. no notes.

now, I want everyone to take out their Donny Batshit Bingo card and listen carefully to the next clip.

“They fired sniper rifles at ICE agents, and me. [points to his magically regenerated ear] but, you know, I was— I made a turn at a good time. I made a turn at a good time. I turned to the right. Charlie couldn’t believe it, heh heh, actually, he said ‘how the hell did you make that turn?’ I said ‘I don’t know.’”

now, did you have ‘I’m better at ducking bullets than Charlie Kirk’ on your bingo card? congratulations, you’re our winner!

all perfectly normal stuff. who among us hasn’t spoken at a memorial and bragged about not getting murdered? who among us hasn’t then gone on to talk about ourselves some more?

that’s what Bullet Duckin’ Donny did through the whole thing. he told one insane “anecdote” after another about himself, occasionally punctuating it with something like ‘and Charlie thought that was awesome.’ you know, just to keep things topical.

but again, it’s all perfectly normal stuff. who among us hasn’t used the commemoration of a dear friend’s life to brag about how you single-handedly saved Los Angeles?

“the administration, the commissioner, the chief of police of Los Angeles said, ‘if they didn’t go in we would have lost our city.’ now they already lost twenty-five thousand houses to fire because they wouldn’t let the water come in from the Pacific Northwest, which they should have done. I tell you, you better do it. but they didn’t do it, and we had uh, twenty-five thousand homes where they had no water in the sprinklers, they had no water in the fire hydrants. it would have been a different kind of a thing if they did what they were supposed to do. we had to break in. we broke in and had the water come down. the actually pro— they said ‘for the environment,’ great, they lost twenty-five thousand houses. it’s incredible.”

of what possible relevance during a solemn occasion was Donny’s fever-swamp hallucination of how he saved Los Angeles? was Charlie also receiving the Presidential Medal of Ginormous Fucking Faucet?

I wonder, did the mourners congratulate Donny for turning the Kirk memorial into another campaign rally? did they come up to him afterwards, tears in their eyes, and go ‘sir! sir! no one rambles incoherently about imaginary bullshit like you do. how do you do it, sir? sir!’

let me explain once again how Donny does it: his brain doesn’t care any more. it’s having the time of its life.

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now get ready to be shocked senseless by this next news item.

ha ha! joke! you’re not going to be shocked at all. this next item is just going to confirm everything you already suspected about how Republicans talk to each other when they think no one will ever find out.

NEW YORK — Leaders of Young Republican groups throughout the country worried what would happen if their Telegram chat ever got leaked, but they kept typing anyway.

They referred to Black people as monkeys and “the watermelon people” and mused about putting their political opponents in gas chambers. They talked about raping their enemies and driving them to suicide and lauded Republicans who they believed support slavery.

these weren’t insignificant randos on Elon’s Nazi bar. every fuckface on this group chat is some kind of rising young star in the Republican party.

William Hendrix, the Kansas Young Republicans’ vice chair, used the words “n--ga” and “n--guh,” variations of a racial slur, more than a dozen times in the chat. Bobby Walker, the vice chair of the New York State Young Republicans at the time, referred to rape as “epic.” Peter Giunta, who at the time was chair of the same organization, wrote in a message sent in June that “everyone that votes no is going to the gas chamber.”

gee, this Bobby Walker, who thinks rape is ‘epic,’ seems nice. I wonder if there are any photos of him hobnobbing with Republican leadership.

like I said, these aren’t randos. they’ve already been anointed as the future of the GOP — and each and every one of them is a bigoted piece of shit.

but let’s talk about the establishment Republican response to this story — because there wasn’t any. each and every one of these profiles in cowardice either buried their heads in the sand, or went LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

pro tip: if you can’t denounce Nazis and racists because doing so would alienate your own base, you’re on the wrong fucking side.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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