Donny’s henchmen: ‘if ICE kills you, please have the decency to shut the fuck up about it’

and we’re Big Mad at Canada, because reasons

yesterday, Preznit Fuckwit’s handlers made sure to keep him in his hidey hole, and out of the public eye. Donny’s been a little too crazypants lately, what with his ‘me me me’ antics at the World Cup, and his dumb-ass ‘China stole my election speech,’ which was so balls-to-the-wall batshit that the entire wingnut noise machine has already memory-holed it.

so, in Dear Leader’s absence, it was up to the sewer clowns to step up and be their own worst selves — and Tom Homan, Donny’s own personal Fred Flintstone, was all ‘let me at that shit.’

Homan’s premise is a simple but heartfelt one: ‘look, if you get murdered to death by some trigger-happy, masked ICE thug, you definitely had it coming.’

“it comes down to one simple fact — these people failed to comply with law enforcement ... all they had to do is comply. if they did, they’d be alive today.”

first of all, Tommy Bags o’ Cash can fuck straight off into the sea.

‘comply or die’ is some un-American bullshit right there. despite the best efforts of Donny and his toadies, we still have a Constitution here in the US of A, and ‘due process’ is still a thing.

law enforcement — if you can even call a mob of poorly-trained masked psychos ‘law enforcement’ — does not get to play judge, jury, and executioner on the streets of our cities, just because someone gets a little too mouthy with them.

‘we get to kill anyone we want to’ is some straight up Nazi shit. Tommy Cash-Bags ought to be ashamed of himself for even suggesting it.

oh, and speaking of people who don’t comply, I can think of a bunch of shitfucks who refused to comply when cops ordered them to stand down on January 6th, 2021.

I don’t see much complying going on, do you? someone ought to ask Homan how he thinks law enforcement should have handled that situation.

while we’re on the subject of Tom Homan, whatever happened to that business of him being investigated for accepting a bag with fifty grand in it, given to him by some undercover FBI agents. that whole thing mysteriously went fuckity-bye, and Tommy Cash Bags basically got away with it.

nobody wants to talk about it. if you ask Donny’s personal ambulance chaser, Todd Blanche, he’ll just look at you blankly, like he has no fucking clue what you’re on about.

and you can forget about any Congressional oversight. has anyone even seen Congress lately? where the fuck are they? do we need to put the entire 218-seat GOP House caucus on the side of a milk carton?

don’t you wish your job allowed you to get away with that kind of shit?

---

you just gotta love how every time Preznit Fuckwit says something mind-numbingly stupid, Republicans all dutifully line up to pretend the idiotic drivel that just seeped out of Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth actually makes perfect sense.

Donny’s Big Mad at Canada right now, because wind — and so he’s slapped a 50% tariff on all goods coming down from America’s hat. Donny claims that the ginormous Ontario wildfires happening right now are Canada’s own fault, because of ‘poor forest management.’

it’s an idiotic notion, and I’m going to explain why — but before I do that, here comes New Jersey GOP Congressman Jeff Van Drew, to double down on the dumbfuck.

“there is reckless mismanagement — not only in Canada, but California does the same thing. understand, this is the ultra-left again who puts out these policies. they don’t want Americans to have air conditioning, to have cars… Canada isn’t working because they are so far left. this should be a warning shot to them. you better come to America, say, ‘we’re sorry, we’re gonna mend our ways and do what we used to do in the old days and groom and maintain the ground level of what is underneath the forest.’”

boom, there it is: ‘maintaining the ground level,’ this nonsensical notion that wildfires happen because nobody raked the stupid leafs.

first of all, North Ontario’s forest is boreal, and almost as big as Texas. nobody is raking that shit. it’s too fucking large. it’s crazy to even consider it. it’s like asking Texas to manage their desert. Texas can’t even manage its own electrical grid.

and secondly, ‘raking the forest to prevent wildfires’ isn’t even a thing. don’t take my word for it. let’s ask Google’s janky, six-fingered plagiarism robot to explain it.

hey, plagiarism bot, does raking the forest prevent wildfires?

No, physically raking a vast forest floor with hand tools does not prevent or stop wildfires. While clearing small bits of dry leaf litter and pine needles right next to a house can help protect that specific building, raking millions of acres of wild forest is physically impossible, ecologically unnecessary, and ineffective against large crown fires.

but don’t try to explain any of that to Dear Leader. he knows more about forest management than all the forest managers. even the big, strong forest managers, the ones who can barely see because of all the tears in their eyes.

here’s Donny, dumbfucksplaining forest raking to Gavin Newsom in California in 2018.

look at him, gesturing away, as if he had any idea what he was gibbering about. oh, to have the serene self-confidence of the mediocre white man. it must be nice.

‘rake the forests.’ ‘nuke the hurricane.’ ‘bleach the virus.’ solving all the world’s problems is a piece of cake when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.

Donny claims to have gotten the rake the forest idea from Finland. you’ll be shocked to hear that Finland has no idea what Donny’s blithering about.

Finns have been baffled by US President Donald Trump’s comments praising the country for managing its vast forests by raking.

Citing a conversation with his Finnish counterpart, Mr Trump said they spend “a lot of time on raking and cleaning.”

But President Sauli Niinisto told a Finnish daily he could not remember talking about raking when the two met.

The forestry director of the Finnish Forest Association, Heikki Savolainen, told the newspaper that raking was not usually a forest-management measure.

Finland does not rake their forests — but now, Donny’s sweaty fever-dream of raked forests has been solidified into GOP dogma. because Dear Leader says forests must be raked, Congressional Republicans are going to persecute Canada until they fall in line.

government by retributive mass delusion, just as our Founding Fathers envisioned.

---

speaking of retribution, let’s talk a little about this business of Donny’s Department of What Used To Be Justice going after The New York Times, subpoenaing phone records and sending FBI agents to reporters’ homes.

that shit’s abhorrent, and the Times is right to be fighting in court.

but I can’t help thinking of this story from just about two years ago, during the run-up to the 2024 election.

“To say that the threats [to] democracy are so great that the media is going to abandon its central role as a source of impartial information to help people vote — that’s essentially saying that the news media should become a propaganda arm for a single candidate, because we prefer that candidate’s agenda.”

I wonder if Joe Kahn still thinks refusing to defend democracy in 2024 was the right move — because it sure seems this whole ‘we’re above the partisan fray’ thing has come back to bite the Times right square on its ass.

here’s a thing I wrote at the time.

does Joe Kahn really think the Times is going to be hunky dory if Donny Convict shitcans democracy? does he not know what happens to a free press under fascist rule?

I hate being right. I mean, I love being right — but I also hate it.

---

let’s have us some Daily Claudia.

here’s a trio of selfies I pulled off of Ms. Spouse’s phone, taken at the Irvington, NY restaurant Rivermarket on June 4, 2022.

have a great Tuesday, everyone. rake your goddamned forest already.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.